Underneath Your Clothes
by brokenlovesong
Summary: Kurt is happily married to Marley, two kids. He has a nice job, and is living the white-picket-fence-dream. Until one night he attends his friend's bachelor-party and a stranger with chocolate brown eyes and an electrifying smile turns it all around. Eventually Kurt starts an affair with the man. Will he be forever closeted? Warnings: explicit sex, angst, cheating, strong language.
1. Strangers In The Night

It was a pretty standard day at the Hummel-house. The day had been spent with the kids at the park and after that they had taken them to lunch at a café. Nothing was more satisfying than watching the kids tumble around and indulge in their childish games.

The proud parents, Kurt and Marley Hummel, had welcomed the chance to catch up on each others work-life and what was going on around them. Marley told about the recent news from her side of the family, about how things were going at the flower shop she owned and her newest gossip from her friends. Kurt told about the newest updates from work and that his dad had invited them for dinner the following day.

All in all a typical Saturday spent in the Hummel-family.

Now Kurt had finished his shower and was pulling on his undershirt. He dragged on his dark brown slacks with the neat folds and buttoned up the blue shirt Marley had ironed for him while he was in the shower. He ended it all with a tie a few shades darker than the shirt, and black patent leather oxfords.

"I don't think it'll be too late tonight. If we're having dinner with my dad and Carole tomorrow I don't wanna be sleepy and boring," Kurt said as Marley came over to hand him his cufflinks.

"If I know Sam right you probably won't be home until tomorrow morning. But that's fine. Have fun. He'll only have one bachelor-party – hopefully," she assured him with a chuckle. She straightened his shirt and handed him his blazer before taking a step back to take in the view of her husband dressed up to the nines.

"That's true. Anyway – I am not _planning_ on staying out late," Kurt grinned at her.

At that he felt a tugging on his pants and looked down to find his son, 3 year old Milo, sending him huge eyes, begging to be picked up. With a smile he picked up the grinning boy who drummed his small hands against his dad's chest. Kurt placed a wet kiss on the boy's forehead and they all headed down the stairs for the living room where their 5 year old daughter, Lily, was drawing by the dining room table.

"Are you leaving now, daddy?" She asked, her head shooting up from the drawing she had colored in with her crayons.

"I sure am. Now, you be nice to mom while I'm gone, right?" He said with a feigned warning in his voice, strengthening his grip on the boy in his arms.

"If she's nice to us!" Lily declared, making Marley stick out her tongue at the girl in response.

"I better leave now. I'm meeting the guys at the restaurant, and I think we'll go to a club after or something, so if I don't answer my phone it's because I don't hear. I don't know his best man so I have no idea what this guy is planning for us," Kurt said, reaching out Milo for Marley to take over.

"It's fine. Don't worry about it. I'm a big, strong woman – I can tie my own shoes," Marley objected and rolled her eyes teasingly at him, clutching the boy to her.

"Alright. Alright – I'm out of here. Have fun, honey -" Kurt smiled and leaned in to put a peck to his wife's lips.

"I want you home in one piece. If Puck tries talking you into something tell him I'll kick his ass," she threatened and pulled him in for another kiss.

"I will."

"Now go. Love you, babe -" she grinned.

"Love you too," Kurt responded and kissed Milo's cheek before walking to the girl at the table.

"And I love you," he declared and accepted her pouting for a kiss too.

"Bye, dad."

**xXx**

The restaurant was a fancy place on Manhattan. Kurt parked his car in the parking house at his work and took a cab from there. He knew that he was probably going to drink and his car would be safe at the parking house of his office building. When he arrived the party was almost full-numbered so he hugged those he knew and shook hands to present himself to those he didn't already know.

The groom to be was Sam Evans, a guy Kurt had known since high school. They were a few guys from school who still kept in touch, and considering Kurt and his brother, Finn, had the same circle of friends it wasn't hard to keep up. They met up regularly for dinners and parties, and their wives were good friends as well – Marley had even been the one to throw Sam's fiancé's bridal shower the weekend before.

Dinner was nice. They talked and joked, telling Sam about what he was headed for in marriage. The only single guy left at the table was Sam's best man. A nice young man Sam had known since he was 13. They had been best friends, even through Sam's family's financial crisis where Sam had to transfer from a fancy private school to the public school Kurt and his brother were in.

A lot of wine was drunk, and it was probably for the best that the best man had secured a closed room in the restaurant for their party since they were loud and not holding back with cheers after speeches and stories.

It was always a lot of fun to hang out with the guys. Puck had a motorcycle shop and gladly shared his stories about the different kinds of people coming there. Finn was a gym teacher in grade school and coached 10-14 year olds in football on the side. Yet, Kurt loved Sam's work-stories the most.

When they were in college Sam had created his own comic book about a dorky kid saving the world with his guitar. They had a lot of fun about it, but one day he declared that it had been picked up and was put into production. The comic turned into a huge hit and now he lived off creating new albums in the series and dubbing the TV-series for Cartoon Network. His free time was spent on reading stories to sick kids in hospitals, using the voice of his superhero. He always had a touching story about the kids from the hospital and it warmed Kurt's heart to hear that he was able to bring some sunlight into their lives. He couldn't stand the thought that maybe one day one of his own kids could end up there.

After they had been done eating for a while the party was broken up. They were changing scenes to a club nearby. Apparently the best man had some pretty good connections, so the guys crammed together in cabs and headed further down Manhattan. Kurt took the chance to send an info text to Marley about the change of the evening and promised to let her know how much longer he expected to stay.

The club was a dark place with loud music. They had a VIP area at the back, a small group of couches in a shielded corner. The table was covered in champagne and beers. The furniture was extravagant and Sam jokingly asked his best man who he had to sleep with to arrange it all.

As Kurt found a seat he could feel the wine from the restaurant make everything swim a little, so he reminded himself to hold again on the booze and stick to soda for a little while. It had been a long time since he had been to a club. With his work as journalist at a men's fashion magazine he often attended fancy parties, but never went to clubs this way. It was always just a few drinks and staying sober enough to lead intellectual conversations.

The guys quickly had the beers popped and talks about sports going. Kurt had never been much into sports so he settled for listening and trying to keep up. After a little while he fell into a conversation with their friend Artie about his birthday party he was throwing soon. Sam's best man joined them as the conversation drifted onwards. He was a great conversationalist who knew his way around words. Kurt also noticed he was good at making eye contact, often locking Kurt's with his own chocolate brown orbs.

The talk quickly turned down the road of high school stories and parties of their youth. The guys Kurt didn't already know were people Sam went to school with or people he knew through work. They were all really nice and fun, they had a good sense of humor and seemed like they knew how to party. It only lasted half an hour before Sam's best man had talked Kurt into having another drink, and yet one more. Soon he had stopped counting. The guy was doing a good job in convincing Kurt that he needed more drinks, not too shy to put a hand to Kurt's wrist or arm once in a while.

Kurt hadn't caught his name, but the guy seemed nice. He knew how to fix a drink and he was easy to be around. Even while Kurt was talking to some of the other guys at the party he noticed the guy shooting him glances; like they were having some inside joke that Kurt had forgot about, or like the guy wanted to tell him something but didn't know how to say. Kurt had to admit that he enjoyed watching the guy – when he danced around or talked to others. He was wearing a really good suit and there was something about the way he smiled that kept Kurt returning his gaze to him when he heard him laugh.

They had open bar, which was something that didn't need telling twice to the company Kurt was in. It wouldn't be the first time they had managed to empty a few kegs of beer on a night. At their local bar they were famous for their drinking contests. Puck, Sam and Artie had often beaten young guys who thought they knew how to drink, killed the record of the bar a few times and had quite a few drunk-photos on the wall. Proudly so.

The clock had snuck itself to a little after midnight. Kurt was swaying in his seat, in the middle of a discussion of Sam's upcoming honeymoon. He and his wife-to-be, Anna Maria, had planned to drive across America on a pair of motorcycles Puck had fixed up for them.

Anna Maria was a cool girl. She was studying medicine and was an intern in the hospital where Sam went to read to the sick children. She was young and gorgeous, with light brown hair and big blue eyes. Her body was breathtaking and she had easily fallen into the category of being 'one of the guys'. She was originally from the Faroe Islands which made her tougher than most guys and she could drink whiskey like a pirate, yet she still managed to be petite and feminine, best friend to all the girls as well.

Kurt had just promised himself that he should take it easy for a little while and to avoid breaking any limbs he should stay seated in the corner of their closed off area. However, that wasn't how it went as Sam suddenly stumbled to his feet and broke into a scream sounding like a mating call from a superhero-movie.

"Guys! Dance floor – now!" He declared, pushing the plastic crown back to the middle of his head and let a pointy index finger around the half-circle they were sitting in.

Everyone jumped to their feet, excited to obey the word of the King Of The Night. They tumbled towards the dance floor, ready to take over the club in a way they were sure would lay down the house. Kurt nervously shot a glance to the best man sitting next to him. The guy grinned broadly at him, squeezed his thigh and got to his feet with an excited cheer ending in a heartfelt laugh.

"Come on, Kurt – you're not getting out! I make the calls tonight!" Sam declared, and of course he was right, so Kurt accepted his hand and followed the group to the dance floor.

The song playing was some tune Kurt was sure he had heard on the radio before. The bass was pounding and he could feel it in his throat. The group clogged up in the middle of the dance floor, taking over the circle of linoleum where young girls in tight, tiny skirts were writhing with preppy guys rubbing against them.

The party looked like they had a competition of who was the worst dancer of them all. It didn't take much for them to be the center of attention of the entire club and they all started showing off their worst moves to much laughter from everyone.

As the tunes drifted together the guys spread around the floor. Some went for the bar, while others continued dancing with strangers or each other. Kurt wasn't sure how, but in his alcoholic state he had bewildered himself to the middle of a bunch of strangers with no other familiar face around but Sam's best man. The guy sure knew how to throw a party.

Kurt wasn't paying much attention to the way he was dancing. He was just swaying his hips and moving his feet as he felt the music led him. The bass had taken over his pulse, his eyes a haze as the guy in front of him smiled that bright smile it seemed like he had reserved for Kurt only all night. It was then Kurt noticed that the nice suit guy was wearing was a great purple with a bottle-green tie. Not that Kurt knew why he was paying attention to that.

The guy was moving around like he never did anything but dance in clubs and as Kurt met his eyes the man's face cracked in a grin. It was impossible to explain why, but for some reason they both laughed from their eye-contact. It felt nice, and some sort of relief swam over Kurt from the seemingly natural connection he had with the man.

The song drifted into a new beat and even though Kurt was starting to feel dizzy he didn't leave the floor. He enjoyed dancing with the man far more than he had expected he would and he didn't feel like leaving even though he knew that all logic said he should. He and the guy had moved to the middle of the floor and suddenly someone bumped into the guy so he clasped his chest against Kurt's. His chest was rock hard, and when his hand ran down Kurt's shoulder his belly took a roll.

Kurt flailed his hands a little, but didn't push him away. It wasn't until after they had danced throughout the rest of the song Kurt realized the guy hadn't removed his hands from where they ended on his hips. It was strange and Kurt didn't know how to react, but he figured the dude was just as drunk as he was so he didn't think any further about it. They were having fun and exchanged smiles every now and then. There was no reason to cause a scene over that.

As a popular song started playing the guy moved closer and they were almost back to being chest-to-chest. The guy let his hand drift onto the lower of Kurt's back, his hips swaying closer to Kurt's. It was starting to get hot and the guy's hand was burning on Kurt's back, so he did a swift move to turn around. However, it didn't do much good as the guy was pressed even closer to him, his crotch now pressed against Kurt's ass, the dance growing hotter.

It was steaming hot now and Kurt felt like his brain was spinning in his skull. The guy was so close to him that he could feel everything – things he shouldn't be feeling on another guy. He needed to sit down to not hurt himself so he nodded his head towards the VIP lounge. His dance partner grinned and nodded to show his understanding so Kurt started to fight himself out of the twisting bodies.

When he arrived at the VIP area almost everyone was back in the couches. They all seemed pretty excited about something, so Kurt sat down and grabbed a beer to get a hold of his head while figuring out what was going on.

"Come on. We should all go -" Puck said, as always sounding like if he said it there couldn't be any discussion.

"I am all up for it. It's not like Anna Maria would mind or anything. She's just gonna be sad I didn't invite her," Sam laughed, and the guys around him cheered.

"Alright – hands up; who wants to go to the strip club down the block?" Puck asked the group around him, almost all hands going directly towards the ceiling.

Kurt was weighing pros and cons. It was late – almost 2am – and he was so drunk he could hardly walk. He knew that he and Marley were going to dinner with his dad the next day. Finn would be going too, but he didn't seem as drunk as Kurt felt. He wanted to continue having fun with the guys, and he knew that Marley would be cool with it; she had been the one encouraging him. Yet, it didn't change that he could already feel a mean case of hangovers threatening him.

"I think I have to pass – or I'll pass out," Kurt said, stumbling over the words, but giggled at his own wordplay as the others laughed as well.

"Come on, Kurt – it'll be fun," Artie pushed, which was mean because damn how Kurt often had a hard time saying no to Artie. Few people were fun at parties the way Artie was it – but he had decided.

"Nah, I'll get a cab. I need... home. Dinner tomorrow," he said with a pout before he stumbled to his feet.

"Alright then. Buzz-kill. I'll see you tomorrow at the folks, bro -" Finn said and hugged Kurt.

"Yeah. If you survive tonight," Kurt chuckled and hugged him back before taking the trip around the group of guys left as they all started preparing to leave the club.

Kurt fought his way around the dance floor and guessed that he should probably go to the bathroom before daring himself to the street and find a cab to take him home. He could always pick up his car at the office in the morning.

The line to the bathrooms was dreadful. Kurt couldn't even count the people in line, and they were a colorful mix of sleeping against the wall, hands down a girl's panties and looking like their eyes were about to pop out of their skulls – possibly from drugs.

Fortunately the stalls weren't as disgusting as they usually were in clubs. Someone had to be cleaning every 30 minutes to keep it up, but Kurt was still very happy that he didn't need to sit down to relieve his need. He hurried through his business and left the bathroom again.

That would be: he tried to leave the bathroom and head for the exit of the club. That was a task that seemed harder than Frodo's quest to Mordor. If possible the line had doubled while he was in the stall. The hallway was almost black with people. Kurt had to squeeze himself along the wall, the line pressing him against the bricks.

"Hey – I thought everyone had left for that strip club," someone suddenly said.

Kurt could recognize the voice, but he wasn't sure from where. When he turned around the corner of the wall he was trapped in a corner of the hallway, his way to the door towards the exit cut off by the line of people waiting to get to the bathroom. When he found focus back on his eyes he found that he was face to face with Sam's best man – the guy who had kept him with drinks and beers all night, and the guy he had been having fun and dancing with only 20 minutes earlier. Something inside of Kurt was woken.

"Hey – no... I'm headed home. Drunk and tired," Kurt explained, happy that the music wasn't as throbbing out there.

The guy was very close to him, not that he had a choice. People didn't seem to have any respect for other people's personal space and had no troubles pushing strangers around to fast forward in the line.

"How about you? No strippers for you?" Kurt asked, figuring he might as well make polite conversation until they could get out of the trap.

"Nah, strippers aren't really my thing. I thought I would go home as well. Work tomorrow. But it seems like Sam had a good time tonight, so I guess my job is done," the guy shrugged, but his eyes were sparkling.

Kurt nodded in agreement, and he was just about to make a comment about how the guy seemed to have earned a spot with them when they went to their regular bar after work a few times a month. He didn't get so far, though. Some guys had started bickering and Sam's best man was pushed in the back, once again making them be chest-to-chest.

The guys hand was back to Kurt's hip and Kurt could feel his breath on his lips. There was something intimate about the situation and when he got a grip of himself he noticed that the man was smiling at him, mouth and eyes, making Kurt's nerves twirl under his skin.

"You smell really good," the guy said.

"Thanks. I guess... it's -" Kurt stuttered, but stopped himself. Somehow he didn't think the guy was complimenting his perfume. There was something else about him.

Kurt's head fell back against the brick wall with a thump. The stones were cold through his blazer and shirt, and his eyes were rolling around his skull. The guy was brushing his thumb roughly over Kurt's hip, the soft cotton of his shirt almost feeling like sandpaper against his skin from the friction.

For some reason he couldn't stop looking at the man's lips. They were glistening wet, pink and full. They were slightly parted and looked like they were waiting for something, or someone.

Out of nowhere the guy had pressed his mouth onto Kurt's. His lips were as soft as they looked and his breath tasted like the beers and champagne they had been drinking all night.

"I've been watching you all night. You're so hot," the guy breathed into Kurt's mouth, not moving away.

There was no good explanation to it, but Kurt didn't push him away. He moved his lips with the guy's and let his hand run from his hip and down to his ass.

"I'm not gay," he panted into the man's mouth, but he still put his hand on his hip anyway.

"Yeah, you are -" he responded with a smile before he pushed his tongue into Kurt's mouth.

The guy squeezed Kurt's ass, and Kurt felt a reaction in his underwear. His crotch had never been so close to another man's before and he knew that he should stop it, but his brain activity had left the building altogether.

"No, I'm not. Not gay," Kurt objected, but his hand drifted up his back and pulled the man closer.

"Then why are you hard for me?" The guy grinned and rutted his own very clear erection against Kurt's slowly hardening dick.

"I have a wife," Kurt argued, even he hearing that he would never win a fight with that.

"Never stopped other gays before," the guy mumbled and pressed his crotch even harder as both of his hands grabbed tightly around Kurt's buttocks.

"Fuck... fuck... So – Mr. Straight Man -" the guy panted as he started kissing down Kurt's neck, Kurt's fingers tangling in the stranger's curls on the back of his head.

"There's a nice hotel a few blocks from here," the man invited and Kurt actually heard himself whimper as he forced the guy's mouth back to his own. He was burning on the inside, his crotch on fire and his lips feeling like they were swollen. He knew that he should stop this before it went out of hand, but he couldn't.

"Then why are we still here?" Kurt heard himself heave out as he sucked the guy's lower lip into his mouth and was paid with a broad grin.

They managed to twist themselves out of the club and to the streets. It only took the stranger a few minutes to get a cab, very impressive for a Saturday night on Manhattan. They struggled themselves into the car, and the guy immediately had his face back to Kurt's.

Kurt had no idea what he was doing, and even less did he know where to put his hands, so he settled for sliding his hands around the guys torso and tugging on his hair. That he had good response with considering the guy kept moaning into his mouth and was persistently trying to get his hand between Kurt's legs.

"Still not gay," Kurt groaned and spread his knees a little. When he felt the guy's hand on his thigh Kurt let out a sigh like he had been waiting for it for ages.

"Your big dick is telling me otherwise," the man chuckled and bit down on Kurt's earlobe, massaging his hand around Kurt's erection.

The cab-driver huffed something angrily at them and they realized the car had stopped. The stranger threw some money through the window with the message that he could keep the change and rushed out of the door, Kurt right behind him.

They stumbled to the reception, Kurt's head heavy and spinning with the alcohol, much stronger after having been exposed to the cool October night air hitting him like a train.

Kurt was leaning against a wall as the stranger got them a room with judgmental eyes from the receptionist, but Kurt didn't even notice the ride in the elevator as they were out again and at the door too quick for his lazy brain to register.

The second they were in the room Kurt had the door slammed shut and pressed the guy against the wall. He stuck his tongue directly into his mouth and allowed the guy to loosen Kurt's tie before he started unbuttoning his shirt.

"Since you're straight I'm guessing you wanna top?" The guy said, the statement more of a question, like he wasn't sure.

Kurt had his hands by the guy's belt. He didn't even register what he was doing, but suddenly he had the stranger's pants open. He felt a hand clasp directly onto his erection in his underwear and realized that his pants were open, too.

"You asking me to fuck you?" Kurt smirked and turned them around.

"No. I'm _telling_ you to fuck me," the guy smirked back, retreating a few steps as he started rushing his clothes completely off.

Kurt busied himself by doing the same. He threw his tie on the nightstand and had his shirt open, thrown to the floor in a heartbeat. The guy kicked off his shoes and fumbled around in the pocket of his blazer that was thrown on the bed.

"Your job," he declared and threw two small packages at Kurt who caught them right before they hit him in the face. He squinted his eyes and realized it was a condom and a pack of lube.

_Shit._ He was about to have sex with a guy. A man.

"I'm not gay," he whispered to himself as he turned the foil squares around in his hands.

"Are you gonna screw me or not?" the guy asked impatiently and walked towards Kurt over the soft rug under his bare feet.

"Shut the fuck up," Kurt snarled and pushed him to the bed.

The stranger landed on his back, but Kurt was quickly over him. He grabbed his shoulders and turned the guy around, almost sad that this would mean that he couldn't see his big, brown eyes anymore, but his cock was telling him that what was waiting for him was completely worth it.

The dark haired guy didn't waste anytime getting on his hands and knees in front of Kurt. He chucked his pants down around his thighs and started swiping around his hard cock.

Kurt had been so busy fumbling his own pants down that he hadn't seen it, so when he had his attention back to in front of him he almost choked. A strong pair of thighs with muscled ass-cheeks were bared right in front of Kurt.

He could see the way the guy was moving his hand around his cock between his legs, and Kurt felt like he was about to explode. He was really doing this.

Kurt was on his knees on the bed, between the guy's calves and had his pants pushed down. He swiped his cock a few times, carefully to avoid coming before he had even gotten to the good part. In a quick motion he had one of the silver squares ripped open with his teeth and pressed the cold liquid over his fingers.

He looked down to the man's waiting ass, quivering with the way he was thrusting around his own dick and his growing need to be filled. Kurt closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he opened again and grabbed around the muscle.

_Fuck!_

He let his thumb between the guy's cheeks and spread them apart, opening up so Kurt could see his hole. Dark red and lusting. He brushed his thumb up a few times before he let his lubed up fingers up and slicked them up and down the open crack.

"Yes. Come on, Mr. Straight Man. Open me for your big cock," the stranger panted, both of his hands back to the bedding under them.

This was where Kurt's porn-watching would come in handy. He had never been in a situation where he would have to stretch an asshole before, so he needed to think back and remember what he had seen.

Tryingly Kurt let his fingers circle around the rim, feeling it flutter in anticipation against his fingertips, before he slowly started pushing one in.

"Fuck... finally," the man groaned, arching his back a little bit more, letting his ass higher in the air.

Kurt shoved his finger deeper, digging his fingers into the firm muscle as he was holding the cheeks apart. He angled his wrist and slowly pulled the finger back out only to push back in.

"Just... stretch, goddamit," the guy huffed out and let his knees slide a little further apart.

"Impatient," Kurt grunted and crook his finger in a way that earned a low "_Ooooh yesss_" from the front.

It didn't take long before he pushed in another finger, scissoring the digits and turning them around the best he could. The guy was so tight and it was a completely new sensation compared to what Kurt was used to from his wife – whose ass he had never fucked, but lord knew he wanted to, and he wanted it badly.

"More... fuck I need more," the guy panted and bucked his ass back, making Kurt's fingers delve in deeper.

Within a heartbeat Kurt had poured a stream of lube down his crack and was pushing a third finger inside of him. The guy grunted and clenched around the intruders but quickly relaxed again as Kurt took back up his pace of moving his fingers around in his ass.

Sweat was springing out all over Kurt's body, and he could feel the guy's skin going sweaty as well. He leaned into rest his hip against the man's ass, watching as he worked open the ring.

_My dick is going in there_, he thought and felt his insides coil up.

"Just fuck me. Show me how straight guys do it," the man demanded. His voice was broken, and his arms were trembling under him. It was obvious that he had a hard time staying in the position, but he fought a good battle.

Kurt pulled his fingers out roughly before fumbling for the condom on the bed. As he sat back up he couldn't help noticing that the guy's ass was right in front of his face. He had never had his face so close to another man's ass before. It took every ounce of strength in him to not just lean in and bite the tanned skin, feel the flesh between his teeth and taste with his tongue as he pierced it, making sure this was real and not some hazed out drunk-dream.

He forced himself back to his knees and spent a little too long struggling with the wrapper of the condom before he rolled it down over his cock. He could practically feel the throbbing of the veins in his hands as he had his hand folded around the shaft.

_Shouldn't it be more difficult to get hard when you're drunk?_ Kurt wondered in his dosed up mind, thinking that he couldn't remember when it was the last time he had been this hard. If he ever had.

He quickly lubed up, the liquid dripping to the ruffled sheets and down the strong thighs in front of him. His hand was back to spreading the cheeks apart as he looked down, watching the way the guy's hole was gaping open, waiting for him, needing him to get inside already.

"I'm not gay," Kurt stammered one last time and pushed himself in, no going slow, just directly as deep as he could go.

("Shit. Yesss, _so good_," the stranger groaned.)

"I can feel that," the guy snickered and moved his hips forwards, slowly, before shoving back with force, showing Kurt how much he wanted to be fucked.

"Fuck you," Kurt huffed out and pulled out before snapping his hips forward, driving back in.

"You are – so get to it."

And Kurt did. He started out slow, but not for long. His head was spinning and he wasn't sure if his stomach was rumbling from what he was doing or from the unhealthy amounts of alcohol he had consumed over the night.

He pounded hard into the guy's ass, his hips paining with every time they made contact with the ass he had his cock buried in. He leaned forward, grabbing the guy's shoulders and kept a rhythm as steady as possible when he wasn't even capable of seeing straight.

"Fuck – yes, harder," the guy begged and turned his head, searching for Kurt's mouth.

There was no way Kurt was kissing him again, though. So he grasped the man's dark curls, forcing his fingers through the gel and forced his face away from Kurt's.

Kurt was panting, knowing that he definitely wouldn't last much longer. The feeling of having his dick deep inside a guy's ass was overwhelming. He had never thought he would get to experience that, but just the thought that he was actually doing it made him dizzy.

The feeling was hot and snug, tighter than when he was with his wife. The guy's body felt like it was molded to fit him and yet it was like he was just a little too tight for Kurt's cock, making the dragging of him inside the man's ass much more intense and real.

"Come on, Mr. Straight Man. Just fuck me good," the man heaved as he leaned down to rest on his one forearm. It took a moment for Kurt to realize what he was doing, but when he felt the guy's shoulder move with his arm he didn't doubt that he was jerking himself off good.

"So hot," Kurt grunted and snapped his hips harder.

The stranger's ass was tensing, clenching around his cock and it was almost impossible for Kurt to move anymore in him, but he was so damn close. He rushed back to sit up, his nails scraping over the man's back, and drove hard and deep home, angling to look for the guy's prostate, and as the guy moaned loudly it seemed like he had hit right.

"Yes, there. Don't stop," he demanded, and Kurt didn't.

He kept the angle, continued fucking his cock in hard at the same spot while the guy under him had dissolved to a whimpering mess with unsteady jerks around his dick in his hand. His knuckles were almost white from clenching the guy's hips, and he was curling his toes.

Alcohol and fire were mixing in his blood, his head kept falling forward on its own accord. He couldn't stop focusing on the way the stranger's muscles were working in his back, every movement the guy made and every movement Kurt made had his muscles showing off easily and firm under his dark skin. The muscles in his entire body were so pronounced and it all looked so good. If Kurt had been sober he would probably have taken time to feel all of them.

But if he had been sober he wouldn't have been there to begin with.

"Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me!" The guy whined as Kurt pumped in deeper and faster, probably forming hip-shaped bruises on the guy's ass, but he didn't care – it was too good to stop.

He groaned hard and all muscles in his body contracted. His hand was working with a furious speed and Kurt knew that motion well. As Kurt paid extra good attention to that one spot that had the guy whining in a high pitch he came all over the hotel sheets, Kurt fucking him through every groaning second of his orgasm.

As soon as the guy started to relaxed Kurt pulled himself out with a force that almost had him falling backwards over the edge of the bed. He pulled the condom off and let it fall to the mattress as he fisted his cock desperately. He was whimpering now, needing release. The guy was flat on the bed and turned his torso, suddenly his eyes meeting Kurt's – and Kurt came. Balls on fire and semen shooting in white ropes over the man's perfect pecs and abs.

"Holy... shit -" Kurt grunted as his hips slowed down their frustrated bucking into his hand, and his muscles slowly released their tension. His lungs felt like they were trying to escape through his throat and his head felt like it was about blow up.

His hand was covered in sperm, though not as bad as the stranger's torso was, and it took him a lot of strength to convince his fist to unfold from around his softening dick. The guy on the bed under him let his fingers run up his chest, through Kurt's come and _licked his fingers _with a satisfied expression like it was the most delicious thing he had ever tasted, his eyes locked on Kurt's – fuck that was hot.

That was the moment Kurt slumped down, sitting back on his haunches. He looked around himself, like he had just woken up from a coma and was seeing the hotel room for the first time. From one second to another he sobered up. He could feel the guy's knees against his own, and it was like he had shot all of the alcohol out through his cock, covering the man's torso in it.

"Fuck... fuck. Fuck fuck _fuck!" _Kurt panicked, his voice rasp.

"That's what we just did, yeah -" the guy grinned dozily, looking like he could easily take a nap, but probably take another round after.

"What the hell did I just do? Shit!" Kurt whined and rushed to his knees where he started pulling on his underwear and pants.

"Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for," the guy joked and rolled to lie completely on his side, watching Kurt as he jumped to his feet and picked up his shirt from the floor.

Without sparing the man so much as a glance Kurt ran to the bathroom and washed his hands. He couldn't look himself in the mirror. How was he supposed to face Marley after this?

"What did I do? What did I do?" He kept chanting over and over again.

All he could see was Marley's face. Those big, innocent blue eyes and that pretty smile. She trusted him so deeply. He would never hurt her for anything in the world. How could he have been so stupid? If she found out she would be crushed.

He couldn't even begin to think about Lily and Milo. How this could affect them if it came out? And this guy was Sam's best friend. Boy, had he really fucked up everything in his entire life in a drunken haze of hard cocks and that fucking hot masculine body.

He splashed a few handfuls of cold water in his face and dried it off with a white towel from the rack next to the sink. After washing his hands a good dozen of times he figured that he would have to go back out there, so he dried his hands as well and rushed to back to the room.

The man was lying on his back, his head resting on his arm. His other hand was casually lying on his stomach, his dick soft and spent as it was lying against his thigh. He had cleaned off Kurt's come and a little pile of used tissues was mounted on the nightstand. His pants were now completely off and lying on the floor at the end of the bed.

Kurt wanted to look away, but he couldn't stop his eyes roaming over the guy's body. He was so fit and even though he was so relaxed that his eyes were fighting to stay open his muscles were so visible Kurt would have thought they were photoshopped if it had been a picture. The guy was hot.

He shook himself out of his fixation and rushed on his tie and blazer. He found out his wallet and grasped a few bills, throwing them at the bed in front of the guy.

"Hey, I'm not some whore," he said, offended. He sat up and stared at Kurt.

"It's not for... that. It's for the room. Don't ever fucking tell Sam about this," Kurt snapped and pulled on his coat.

"I'm guessing you aren't planning on recovering for another round," the man said dryly and laid back down.

"Don't tell Sam, alright? He'll just tell my wife – I have kids, you know. And I'm not gay. This was just – what the fuck, I don't owe you anything," he growled.

"Take your money with you. I'm not telling Sam. I'm not some home-wrecker. If you wanna keep lying to your wife and kids – not to mention yourself – that's all your business. But really, you just fucked _a dude_ – you're at least bi," he retorted and made himself more comfortable.

Kurt let his eyes travel one last time down his body, seeing the taut pink nipples and the dark trail of hair under his bellybutton. His legs and arms had just as dark hair as the curls on his head, and the hair neatly trimmed around his dick just as well. Even as he was falling asleep his biceps looked strong and masculine.

With that Kurt turned on his heel and slammed the door as he left the room. Left the stranger to himself. He was never going to see him again. He didn't even know his name; he didn't want to know his name. All he wanted to do was forget him, forget the hotel and what they had done, forget the way he could still feel the guy's ass tight and warm around him – the way he could still feel his lips on his own, and the way his brown eyes had stared intensely at him as he licked Kurt's come off his fingers.

"_You smell good."_

"_If you wanna keep lying to your wife and kids – not to mention yourself..."_

"_Come on, Mr. Straight Man. Fuck me good."_

The man's voice kept echoing in the back of Kurt's head as he sat in the cab towards his office building. His words mixing with his moaning as a soundtrack to the internal video of how he had looked throughout the night. When he pressed Kurt against the wall, when Kurt pushed him to the bed, when he stared back at Kurt as he started fingering him – the way he had looked at Kurt as he jerked himself to release. His insulted expression when he thought Kurt was paying him for his... service.

When he arrived at his office building he hurried to type in the code on the alarm and rushed inside. He went to his office and fumbled through some of the drawers before he found what he was looking for – a clean shirt. He grabbed the shirt and locked back up.

He walked down the street and checked into a new hotel. He knew he had to look like shit, but he still wasn't ready to look himself in the mirror. The moment he was in the new hotel room he pulled his clothes off with a force that made the seams crack and went directly into the shower. He washed himself off over and over again with an OCD-like rhythm until his fingers and toes were wrinkled and he nearly couldn't keep himself on his feet anymore.

The red number on the digital clock told him that it was 4.54am. He had been in the hotel with the man for a long time. He crawled under the sheets, knowing he was still too drunk to drive home, even the few miles back to Queens – and he wasn't ready to face Marley even though she would be fast asleep, sweetly in her bed. _Their_ bed.

The sheets smelled like bleach and the pillow was too soft. The dark was heavy around him, and even though he was exhausted there was no way Kurt would be falling asleep now.

His eyes were itching and a sob that had been caught in his throat since he left the stranger finally tumbled over his lips. He clutched his knuckles to his teeth and allowed his cries to fill the room. He was sure his heart was going to burst.

Marley had been Kurt's best friend since they met. They had been in glee club together in high school and they did everything together, told each other everything. After they had known each other for around a year there had been a party and everyone were tipsy. They played 7 Minutes In Heaven, despite them all being 15-18 years old. Kurt and Marley had ended outside the door together and Marley had revealed her crush on him – they had been together ever since.

But even though Kurt told her everything and shared everything with her there was one thing he had never told her. One thing he had never told anyone in his life.

Kurt was gay.

He had always known his true sexuality. He had never kissed a boy or a man before tonight, but the attraction had always been there. All his fantasies involved men, when he reached the age where curiosity about himself and his body introduced itself it was gay porn he peeked at when his dad was fast asleep. When he started masturbating he thought about the cute guys at school, the way the hot guys looked when they showered after gym class. To Kurt it had always been about guys.

No one knew. He couldn't let anyone know. Ever.

When Kurt was 14 his dad his dad started seeing a nice woman and eventually married her. The woman had a son that Kurt was in school with. A jock his own age, a jock Kurt had a burning crush on. There was no way Kurt would risk ruining his dad's relationship for that, and there was also the fact that the jock had homophobic tendencies. At least Finn had slowly put those behind him as he matured. A few years went on and Kurt turned 16. He felt ready again – but then his dad got a very important job as a member of the congress. That was right around the time Kurt had started considering coming out to his dad. Of course he couldn't do that right as his dad was kicking off his political career. So he pushed it aside and decided that it just wasn't meant to be. Kurt was meant to stay in the closet for his life.

Then Kurt started dating Marley. He felt a little guilty over it at first, but eventually he convinced himself that it was good. He loved Marley more than he could ever love any girl. She was his best friend and he would never do anything to hurt her. There was never any chance that he would find another woman, and he didn't mind kissing her. He just didn't have _those_ kind of feelings for her.

As they grew older Kurt suppressed his true sexuality. He stuck to admiring guys from a distance, looking at them instead of the girls when he watched movies and watching gay porn when he was alone and horny.

His sexual relations with Marley were fueled by fantasies of faceless men and alcohol. They lost their virginity to each other after Kurt's graduation where they both were drunk. After that they only had sex on special occasions like that, when they had been drinking or if Marley was particularly horny at night. Kurt survived by thinking about guys, pushing away his guilt with the excuse that it was for her own good; that he would crush her if he turned her down.

Until now Kurt had managed to keep it down. He had guy friends who could just as well have been brothers for him, so there was no way he would ever see them in a light that could lead to any sexual feelings. Of course they were all straight and married, or in committed relationships with women. At work he had encounters with gay men, but it wasn't anything that had ever been an issue for him as long as he reminded himself that at home he had a beautiful wife and the best kids in the world.

Yet, there he was – in a hotel room, his cock still sore after having thrust into a man's ass. He had no idea what he was going to do.

If he told Marley he would have to tell her everything; how he had always known that he was gay, how he had stayed with her, kissed her and had sex with her, married her, even though his love for her was the one for a best friend.

It would have consequences for Lily and Milo. It would tear their lives apart.

_I can't do this to her. To them. Maybe I will never get to see Lily and Milo again. I can't live without them. It's gonna kill Marley._

His head was a war zone. The booze was summing around his veins, trying to find a way to leave his system. His brain was throbbing with the pending hangovers and the voices slowly killing him. The voice of Marley when she whispered goodnight before they went to sleep, the voices of his kids when they told him that they loved him – the voice of the stranger as he demanded that he fucked him harder and faster.

"What have I done?" Kurt cried, mentally begging for sleep to give him some sort of refuge – or even better; for him to wake up in the morning in his own bed and it had all been a horrible, drunken nightmare.


	2. Pulling Through

It was 8.46am when Kurt pulled into the driveway at his house in Queens. He sat for a moment, waiting, hoping that he would find a way to wipe this awful deed from his memory. He wished that he would never have to think about it again, but somehow he knew that it would be all he could think about in the future.

"I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I am _not_ gay," he kept whispering over and over again as he stared out of the windshield in front of him, his knuckles white from his tight grip on the steering wheel.

He knew it was a lie. The greatest lie in his life. But it didn't stop him from keep telling himself – perhaps to make it easier to keep telling other people, to keep the people he loved in the dark. Or in the light actually, considering how much it would mess up if they knew the truth.

With a deep breath Kurt stumbled out of the car, his head throbbing and his feet heavy. This was around the time Marley and the kids would be having breakfast and he figured that he could go in and face all three of them at the same time so it was over with. All done in one take.

"Hey stranger. I thought you said you weren't going to stay out late last night. You passed out on someone's couch?" Marley grinned as he walked in the door. He kicked off his dress shoes and hung his coat on the hatstand by the door.

"Hey daddy," Milo blabbered with his mouth full of apple and his blond curls a mess on his head.

"Hi everybody. Looks nice," Kurt stammered awkwardly as he walked through the living room area to the kitchen where his family was gathered by the table at the other side of the counter. He ran his fingers through Lily's brown locks and sat down in his usual chair.

"Hey daaaad," the girl smiled dozily without taking her eyes off her cereal.

"You look like you haven't slept at all. You didn't break up the party until now?" Marley asked and leaned in for a kiss.

_I kissed a man._

He leaned in to meet her halfway, accepting her kiss with a peck. He couldn't deny her a kiss, but he could always hold back and use the excuse of morning-after-breath.

"Not much, no. I think I'll eat something and sleep for a few hours, if that's okay," he mumbled and squeezed his lips together, doing his best to not think about what he had used those lips for only six hours earlier. Right now he just hoped she wouldn't realize that he was avoiding all questions that could potentially lead to trouble if he was honest. He just couldn't lie to her.

"Of course. I'm just gonna go to the store and get some things, anyway. Do you want anything? Aspirin, something?" Marley asked, concerned eyes resting on him.

"No. That's okay. I'll just... sleep it off. Thanks, though."

_I don't deserve this woman._

She caressed a hand down his cheek, her eyes still searching his face for a moment, before returning to cut out fruits for Milo. Kurt grabbed a piece of toast and put it on his plate. He stared at it for a while before he nicked a piece of orange from Milo's plate instead.

"I'm sorry. I think I'll just go straight to bed instead. Can you hold it all up here with the terrorists?" He asked, feeling his eyes roll around his skull as he blinked.

"Sure. You aren't gonna be sick, are you? Cause I would really appreciate if you kept that to the bathroom," Marley said and winced, her button-nose adorably scrunching by the thought of her husband being sick all over her sheets.

"I think I'll be alright. Just wake me up if you need me," Kurt sighed and got to his feet.

"Are you sick, dad?" Lily asked and pushed her empty cereal-bowl over the table before grabbing her glass of juice.

"Nah, just tired. I'll be fine. I just need some sleep," Kurt said in a feigned light voice.

"Go to bed, babe. You'll just feel worse if you stay here," Marley said and reached out to squeeze his hand. She smiled up at him and Kurt forced the corners of his mouth to twitch in response.

"Thanks," he mumbled and squeezed her hand back before he turned around to head for the stairs, dragging himself up to their bedroom.

He stripped off all of his clothes and pulled on one of his old college t-shirts, then he dived directly into bed. His own sheets, his own pillow and comforter. The smell of his home and his wife, his life and his fabric softener. All of it his own.

Yet he could still smell the hotel soap on his fingers, the hotel shampoo in his hair. He could taste the hotel toothpaste – _and the stranger's lips and tongue_ – in his mouth. He could feel the hotel sheets – _and the stranger's skin_ – on his arms and legs and face.

_Will I ever get away from this feeling?_

He turned to pull Marley's pillow into his arms. Some ridiculous hope in the back of his head told him that maybe the smell of her could make him forget the smell of the man. He fought to hold back a sob, but still the tears started rolling down his face; silent so his unknowing and happy family downstairs wouldn't hear.

"_I'm not some home-wrecker,_" the stranger's voice sounded in his head.

_But I am_, was all Kurt could think in response.

After twisting and turning for what felt like hours (but probably only was 30 minutes, or something close to,) Kurt finally fell asleep. He needed the sleep badly. He was worn out. From the party, from the alcohol, from _the sex_ and from crying himself to sleep in a hotel room. He had no energy left, nothing more to spend or give.

**xXx**

"Kurt? Honey? Wake up. You're having a nightmare," Marley's voice sounded and her hand was resting on his cheek. Kurt hurried his eyes open and found her looking at him with big, wary eyes.

"Hey. Are you okay?" She asked and shuffled closer to him on the bed.

She wasn't under the comforter, but her body was pressed against his. Kurt was really happy that their closeness was separated by the thick fabrics. He couldn't be close to her now. He probably smelled like the man.

"What? Yeah. Yeah, I'm... good. Just a bad dream, I guess," Kurt mumbled, his voice thick with sleep and the tears he undoubtedly had continued shedding while he had been unconscious with hangover sleep.

"You must have had a lot to drink last night. I don't think I've ever seen anyone so hungover. Sam's best man must throw some awesome parties," she cooed and stroke a hand over his hair.

His throat clogged up by the mention of Sam's best man. (_She can't see it on you._) He bit his lower lip and let his hand find his wife's. He was rewarded with a weak smile and a brief spark in her eyes.

"You sure you'll be able to have dinner with your dad and Carole tonight? I can cancel if you want. Finn probably won't be looking much better than you," she crooned.

"No. No, don't cancel. I'll be fine. I'll just need a shower," Kurt assured her and squeezed her hand.

"Alright. Good. We can always leave early if you need it."

She pressed a kiss to his forehead the way she always did when he was sick or upset in some way. She rolled onto her back and sat up. She reached around to her own nightstand and grabbed a bottle of water and a glass of pills.

"Here. Aspirin. Just take two. You need them, babe -" she told him, her maternal tone filling her voice and it reminded Kurt of when Lily had been in bed with a terrible virus. They hadn't known what it was and they were worried sick, but after a few days Anna Maria told them that a bad virus was flowing around the kindergartens and schools, but it was nothing to fear. It just needed to ride out by itself. They had taken turns sitting by Lily's bed every night until she was better. Marley had made Lily's favorite soup and held her hair when she was throwing up. In Kurt's eyes Marley truly was the best mom his children could ever have.

He fought to sit up in the bed, his brain slower than usual and his eyes needing a few seconds to focus. He shook his head to get rid of the dizziness and accepted the water. He swallowed down a few aspirins and let Marley take the bottle when he had emptied it completely.

"That's my boy," she grinned and put her arm around his shoulders to drag him close, pressing a kiss to his temple.

"I don't deserve you. You're so good to me," Kurt said, the words burning on his tongue. She had no idea how much he meant them.

"Don't be too hard on yourself. I'll find a way for you to repay me tomorrow," she chuckled, her fingers caressing his arm – from his elbow, up his bicep and under the sleeve of the t-shirt. The touch that used to be the most comforting feeling he could have, now it only set him on edge and pushed him deeper into the pits of self-loathing.

**xXx**

When Kurt and Marley arrived with their kids Finn and his family were already there. His wife, Emily, was sitting on the couch with Carole, keeping an eye on their 9 months old daughter, Ana, who had found a love for pulling herself up by the edge of the table, falling to her butt and giggle, then repeat. As always it only took Lily a few minutes before she was by the baby.

Milo quickly found his grandfather as usual, begging for attention so he could tell stories from kindergarten. The moment they walked in the door Finn's 7 year old son, Billy, – from a former relationship – was over Kurt. He had always adored Kurt and it was very visible in his words and way of act around people whenever Kurt was near, since the boy would do anything to impress him.

"Hey bro. Still alive?" Finn grinned at Kurt as he joined him and Burt in the kitchen. They were sitting by the table with a beer each as Milo had snuggled up to his granddad in his lap.

"Yeah. I uhm... I survived," Kurt said awkwardly and sat down.

"Sure you did. You left pretty early," Finn said and took a sip from his bottle.

"I didn't really feel well. Did you have fun?" Kurt asked, doing his best to steer the conversation away from him. He really didn't need focus to be on his activities after he broke from the party at the club.

"It was cool. I don't think I've ever seen Sam so pissed drunk," Finn chatted, sheepishly accepting a scolding glance from Burt when he heard the swear-word while Milo was in the room.

"I bet he was," Kurt nodded, not bothering to tell Finn to mind his language near his son – he was in his dad's home, here he could allow himself to rely on his dad to take the heavy battles for him.

"But it was a late night for the rest of you, I can understand," Burt commented and ran his hand over Milo's blond hair, shifting his position a little. Sometimes Kurt wondered what his dad would do once Milo was too big for cuddling up against him.

"We ended up at some diner around 4, I think. We had something to eat and then we pretty much parted to sleep it off," Finn shrugged.

"Sam's best man disappeared pretty early, though. He's gay, so he probably wasn't exactly into where we went after the club, if you know what I mean," he smirked.

Kurt's stomach took a roll by the mention of Sam's best man. An image of sparkling dark eyes flashed for his inner vision, making him feel like he was about to be sick.

"Did you even get to talk to him? Apparently Sam has known him since they were, like, 12 – but I've never met him before. He was really cool, though -" Finn commented and emptied his beer.

"I don't know. I didn't really talk to him," Kurt hurried to say.

It wasn't really a lie. They hadn't done much talking. And most of the talking that had been between them had been Kurt continually stating that he wasn't gay.

Dinner went on without problems. It was a typical family night with exchanging of stories about how life was treating everyone. The kids told about their experiences of school and kindergarten, Finn and Emily told about how Ana was starting to form sounds towards words and experimenting with transporting herself around on her feet rather than hands and knees.

All the way through the evening of listening to his family being happy and loving with each other Kurt didn't say a word unless he was addressed. His head felt like it was exploding, and had no appetite so he mostly just transported his food around on his plate with his fork. He was screaming on the inside and he felt like he was slowly choking. The moment everyone were done eating and Finn started helping his mom cleaning the table Kurt shot to his feet and headed for the bathroom.

When he was finally there, away from the chatty voices and the eyes where he felt like everyone could see his deed painted all over his face, he splashed cold water into his face. He continued the act a few times, but when it had little to no effect he grabbed the towel and dried his face. For the first time since the night before he dared to look himself in the mirror.

The reflection that met him disgusted him. This wasn't the face of a faithful husband and loyal dad – this was the face of a cheater, a liar, a betrayer. Yet, it surprised him how nothing had changed at all. The only thing different on his face was that he looked exhausted.

After a while he decided that he had to return to the living room. He went back to sit on the couch with his niece in his lap, listening to his nephew's stories of a field trip he had been on with school. He nodded all the right places and kept mentally reminding himself to keep focused. Every time his thoughts drifted back to that hotel room with a strange man on hands and knees just for him Kurt was about to slap himself. Instead he strengthened his grip on the baby and tried picking up on the current subject the adults were discussing.

As the night came to an end he was relieved. He would be able to go home and put his kids in their beds, singing lullabies and kissing them – before he could crawl into bed and sleep away from reality.

"Thank you for tonight. Dinner was really lovely, Carole. Sorry we have to go early, Kurt wasn't home until 9 this morning," Marley explained as she buttoned up Milo's jacket.

"What? He left the club at, like, 2 last night," Finn said confused.

Everyone stared at Kurt. He was in the middle of pulling his coat on when he was hit straight in the gut.

"Well, yeah... I left the club at 2 – but I went to a hotel to sleep," he stammered, uncomfortable about the eyes of his entire family locked on him.

"So you left to go home, but went to a hotel first?" Finn asked, seeming even more confused than he did before, not unlike the rest of the family around them.

"Yes, Finn! That's what I said," Kurt snarled, doing his best to not appear too bothered by the questions, but it was honestly a tough job.

"But... why didn't you just come home then?" Marley asked, stop mid-motion with her coat in her hand.

"I – I was too drunk to drive. So I figured I would sleep it off first," he explained, trying to shrug it off, but the guilt from the lie was thickly filling his mouth and made his tongue feel like it was swelling.

"Good. I'm glad you did then," Marley smiled and gently squeezed a hand around his arm before she put on her own coat. She didn't seem to think any deeper about the issue, like it was pushed away as quickly as it had appeared.

Everyone hugged everyone. That was the way they did things in their family. Usually it was nice, but Kurt couldn't shake off the feeling of being choked, so tonight he mostly wanted to skip that part. However, he hadn't been prepared for the feeling when Finn hugged him.

The feeling of two masculine arms closing around him, a man's hands on his shoulders and arms – he was thrown back to when he had been a fumbling teenager and had a crush on Finn; captain of the football team. The way he had seen him in an almost holy glow and the butterflies were spreading when they accidentally brushed against each other during glee club rehearsals.

He knew now that it hadn't been anything but a stupid teenage crush fueled by that one time Finn had defended him in the halls when two bullies had been going at him. An extension of admiration for a protector. For a long time after Kurt got over his crush on Finn he kept telling himself just that; he wasn't gay, he had just been emotionally confused because he was lonely and harassed by bullies, so when Finn defended him his appreciation had been distorted by his loneliness.

Now that feeling of Finn hugging him only reminded him of how it had felt when the stranger had pressed him against the wall, the stranger's hands on his hips and the stranger's hands on his back. The way the man had grabbed his ass and squeezed it like it was the best thing he had ever been allowed to hold, the way the man had ran his fingers over Kurt's chest and arms – _the fire the man had ignited inside of him_.

He had to quit. He couldn't keep thinking about that. It needed to stop. He kept his head up on the drive home and was happy when Marley offered to help the kids get ready for bed, because he still looked like he wasn't feeling well. When both kids were safely in their beds he went to their rooms to sit by the side of their beds and tell them goodnight and that he loved them very much – just like every other night. Only tonight he had to bite his lower lip and ball his fists until he had left their rooms so he could take a deep breath and force the tears back, their cute voices declaring their love for him in return echoing in the back of his head.

He rushed through his own night preparations. He washed his face and brushed his teeth, stripped off his clothes and pulled on the first-best pajamas he could get his hands on, before he crawled into bed and curled up. If he was lucky he would be asleep before Marley was finished in the bathroom.

Naturally that wasn't so. She tiptoed over the soft rug through the dark room and slipped under the comforter. He could feel the slight pressure on the mattress as she laid down next to him, and almost immediately after he felt her arm around his waist and all of her lovely female frame pressed against his body.

"Are you asleep?" She whispered, her voice so low it was almost a rasping through the quiet space between them.

"Almost," he lied, not opening his eyes.

"Okay. I just wanted to know if you were better. I don't want this to turn into some flu or something. I hate it when you're sick," she cooed and slipped her fingers under his t-shirt on his back.

"It won't. It's just hangovers, it'll be gone tomorrow. I promise," he said, now opening his eyes slightly, only to be met by Marley's blue orbs.

"I hope so. A good night's sleep can do miracles," she assured him maternally.

"Goodnight, honey -" Kurt mumbled thickly, focusing on her pink lips.

"I love you, Kurt -" she whispered and moved closer, pressing her body so close to his that he could feel the absence of her bra and the contours of her abdomens. She put her lips to his for a soft kiss as her thumb stroke over the smooth skin of his back.

"I love you, too," he crooned, faking a yawn that he hoped would let her go to sleep.

It didn't take long before he could hear in Marley's breathing that she had fallen asleep. He dared his arm around her and she automatically shuffled into his embrace. He buried his nose in her hair, letting his brain and body be filled by the scent and feeling of his wife – still, the last thing he thought about before falling asleep was dark curls, brown eyes and the grin of a stranger.

**xXx**

Work would surely be a refuge because it was home away from home and it was where he should be able to collect his thoughts. This was what Kurt kept telling himself in the car on the way to Manhattan Monday morning.

Boy was he wrong.

Monday he buried himself in work, not even putting it aside during lunch or his usual coffee and snack breaks where he used to get up and walk around to chat with the other people working at the magazine.

Instead he stayed by his desk with his open laptop, calling people and writing emails. He stayed until late evening so when he would go home it was around time the kids went to bed, and he could help them get ready and had them tucked in. After they both had said goodnight to the kids Kurt and Marley watched the news and discussed the world-situation before going to bed themselves.

Tuesday followed the same pattern. Both days also consisted of a ghost of lips over his neck, and hands on his naked back. Every time he allowed himself a moment's pause, his brain rushed to the thought of how he had got drunk and fucked another man.

Images of Marley's face if she ever found out flashed for his eyes every time he blinked. He remembered every time she had cried while he had known her – he hated when she cried. It broke his heart.

His dreams at night were enhanced versions of the scenarios his brain produced while he was at work. The stranger telling everyone about their nightly escapade. Marley screaming and crying that she never wanted to see him again. Lawyers telling him he could never see Lily and Milo again.

When he fell asleep at night Marley curled up against him as they always slept – the difference was that now her cute, feminine hands on his skin reminded him of big, masculine hands claiming his skin with dragging nails and lust. Her soft, sweet kisses reminded him of full, forceful lips massaging against his. Her smooth, fit thigh sneaking between Kurt's reminded him of strong, muscled thighs with dark hair and tan skin.

Wednesday his head was heavy. He couldn't find focus on the open document on his MacBook and around noon his colleague, Quinn, stopped by his desk.

"You look like crap," she said with a raised eyebrow as she entered the room.

"That's sort of my point. Do you have anything to kill my headache? Pills or whatever," he asked and massaged two fingertips at the bridge of his nose.

Kurt had known Quinn since college. After school they both tried out different things, but Quinn quickly got herself a good job at the magazine. When Kurt was a freelancer and suddenly had wife, a kid and a new one on the way he needed a steady job, so Quinn saved him an interview at the magazine. They had developed a close bond and to everyone she was his 'work-wife'. Besides Marley, it was always Quinn Kurt would turn to with the heavy issues weighing in his life.

While Quinn was out to find something to relieve the throbbing in his temples Kurt couldn't help considering if he should tell her what had happened. He knew that if he told her to never repeat the words to anyone she wouldn't. Their confidence was strong and he could count on her to respect it.

"Here. Have these. They're miracle workers," she said and put a bottle of water with a glass of pills on his desk. While another colleague might have left his desk Quinn sat down on the chair in front of the desk instead.

"Come on. Let it all out. What's going on?" She said and made a 'gimme'-motion with her fingers.

"What? No, there's nothing. I might be coming down with something, that's all," Kurt said as casual as he possibly could.

"You have been working your ass off this week. If you're coming down with something that's not exactly the best strategy to shake it off," she commented. Sharp and honest was Quinn's trademark.

"That bachelor-party went okay?" She asked.

_What the hell? Does she have a sixth sense or something?_ Kurt thought.

"Yeah. It was cool. Booze and guys," Kurt said, hoping it would be enough to brush it off.

He wasn't going to tell her. He couldn't. Then she would raise the sexuality-question and he could not go into that. She would poke into it, and she would be honest like always, so he would start feeling even more guilty than he already was.

No. It was for the best to never speak of it again and it would go away by itself. This way Kurt would also be allowed to simply forget it – something he hoped would happen soon.

"Sounds very guy-like, yeah. But if you want my opinion you should just take Friday off. You can do that, I don't think we'll have too much this weekend. Then you'll have some time to get better before the wedding on Saturday," she said _as-a-matter-of-factly._ Darn that she always knew his calendar by heart.

"It's okay. I can handle it. I have some things I want to finish this weekend, and I think there'll be a lot to plan with that political theme we're running for January," Kurt declared.

"Sure. Just let me know if you need anything. And whenever you wanna tell me what it is you aren't telling me," she sighed, her last remark a bit pointy.

She got to her feet and left down the aisle between the desks, her dress swaying around her legs and her heels digging into the carpet. That was Kurt's cue to run his fingers through his hair with a sound resembling the one of a hurt animal. Damn her knowing him better than most people.

For the rest of the day he was perusing the latest issue of the magazine, reading drafts for his newest articles over and over again, drinking bottles and bottles of water and switching between opening and closing the window.

When he finally left the office he sat grabbing the steering wheel in his car in the dark parking house for 30 minutes before he finally turned the key, making the engine purr to life and drive back home.

_What I did was bad. It doesn't make me a bad person._

_No one will have to know._

_It's not like I'm ever gonna do it again._

_It will _never_ happen again._

_I can't even remember what he looked like._

_Lie. Liar liar liar. His eyes looked like sparkling chocolate and his teeth were snow white even after we had been eating and drinking all night. His hair was black curls tamed by a heavy layer of gel. He had tiny freckles over his nose. He had a birthmark on his back, right under his neck. He was gorgeous. He could have been a model in one of my own underwear spreads. Liar liar liar._

_Stop thinking about him!_

_If I keep letting this control my thoughts it will hurt Marley and the kids. If I don't tell them but let myself be controlled by this I'll hurt them anyway._

_I have to let this go. Push it away. For them._

_That's it. From now on, whenever I think about it, I will pinch myself. Torture-psychology._

He took a deep breath and got out of the car. As he walked to the house he wasn't as confident as he wanted to be, but he definitely tried convincing himself that he could grow to be through the night.

With the constant mantra of "_I will not let this define me. I will push this aside for my family – and my sanity!_" Kurt got through the night.

After dinner he sat down by the dining room table to help Lily who was determined to read through an entire chapter of a book without help, he watched Marley play with Milo who was very caught up in showing her how Lily's Barbies easily could be friends with his cars.

For a moment all Kurt did was dwell in the feeling of being with his family, the laughter from his son and the cheers from his wife, the way his daughter had asked him to sit with her, the cat curled up on the couch in their warm, cozy house decorated in Halloween paper-pumpkins Lily had made herself in kindergarten and proudly presented to her parents.

_I screwed this up. If the truth gets out all of this will disappear._

_No. Stop!_

The rest of the evening he did what he could to get as much as he could out of his evening with his family. He let Milo fall asleep in his lap and tickled Lily until she couldn't breath, laughing along with her and enjoying the love radiating from Marley. He hugged his wife for no other reason than the need to show her how much he cared for her, and kissed her cheek as he pulled her close for watching TV when the kids were safely sleeping in their beds.

It almost took away the growing lump in his throat, and nearly removed the despair that had permanently lived in his eyes whenever he caught his own reflection.

Almost.

**xXx**

_I can't do this anymore._

_Yes, I can. It's better for Marley to not know, than for her to know._

Kurt was starting to doubt whether he was going crazy or he was more sane than he had ever been. If he could even survive the week, not to mention the rest of his life.

**xXx**

Saturday morning Kurt woke up with relief filling him. He had survived a week without breaking down. Now he just needed to keep it in the positive direction. He got up and prepared breakfast for everyone before they got out of bed themselves. He woke up Marley with kisses on her forehead and a promise of fresh coffee in the kitchen.

"Are the kids awake?" She mumbled and kissed his chin.

"No. I was gonna wake them up now," Kurt smiled and sighed.

It went very fast and he couldn't have prevented it. Before he knew it Marley giggled against him and threw the comforter over him so she could pull him close, kissing down his neck and over his collarbone. Her hands were seeking down his underwear on his ass while she was pressing her crotch against his.

"Then I guess we can have a little morning fun," she said with a teasing smile, getting ready to dive under the covers.

Kurt panicked. It was too soon. He couldn't do that, he couldn't let her do that. Her fingers were digging into the flesh on his ass, nails sharper than the stranger's had been. The feeling of her breasts pressed against his chest – soft and full, nipples hard and ready – reminded him of trimmed pecs and abdomens.

He pushed her away.

"No. No, what if the kids wake up? What if they come in? And just..." he stammered.

"It's okay. You know we always hear them when they're coming. Come on, Kurt – it's been over a week. I miss you," she tried, not judging or blaming – but lustful and sensual, her hand running from his back to his front, grabbing for his soft dick.

"Baby, we have so much to do before the wedding," he objected, kicking himself mentally for maybe making her feel unwanted.

"Damn, you're so reasonable. But don't think I won't get you drunk and take advantage of you tonight," she sighed, but her teasing spark remained as she let her palm slide out of his boxers, doing a good job touching everything she passed on her way.

With a kiss smacked right on his lips she crawled out of bed, headed for the bathroom. Kurt took a moment to collect himself, push away the guilt and self-hatred, before he corrected everything in his underwear and went back to his original plan of waking up the kids.

They got the kids dragged out of their warm beds and ate together. They took turns showering and then helped the kids showering as well. Kurt helped them get dressed while Marley put on her dress and make-up. Kurt did Lily's hair and made sure her hat wouldn't fall off.

In the true spirit of Sam and Anna Maria it was a Halloween wedding – kids were going to be in costumes, grown up costumes were optional. Lily had declared herself as Peter Pan, so Kurt had taken the task of sewing her costume himself. Milo had refused to be anything that wasn't a pumpkin – so regardless of how cliché the parents thought it was they had got their son an orange outfit.

Marley looked stunning in a light blue dress with spaghetti straps and her brown waves fastened with a cute blue pin at the back of her head. She was wearing a nice set of jewelery Kurt had bought her for their 5 years anniversary. She was a perfect light and pure contrast to Kurt's dark green suit and tie.

**xXx**

The wedding was held in a hotel in Manhattan. Everything was cutely decorated in orange and gold pumpkins and leaves. They were directed to their seats by an usher from the hotel staff, sitting a few rows behind Sam's family. Lily sat neatly on her golden chair next to Marley but Milo instantly crawled into Kurt's lap. They chatted with the other guests, hugging and shaking hands, being polite and smiling.

After a few minutes with chaos around their heads, caused by people looking for their seats and for family or friends, Finn and his family joined them. They greeted each other and fell silent as the rest of the room quieted around them.

They directed their attention towards Sam waiting at the end of the aisle, dressed in a superhero costume. His own superhero. Blue tights, patterned as had they been jeans matched up with a tight, green shirt with an acoustic guitar on his chest. All of it spandex of course, except for his All Star sneakers. He couldn't be a superhero and wear normal fabrics. Naturally the outfit was ended with a cape matching his tights.

That's when Kurt's heart dropped. His throat tied up and he could feel all blood disappear from his face.

Next to Sam his best friend – best man – was standing. Wearing a similar outfit, but with a nerdy, purple bowtie printed at his collar instead of a guitar print on his chest.

He was whispering lightly to Sam, very possibly calming him down, considering Sam looked like he was on the edge of a nervous breakdown. The man was soothing his hand down Sam's arm and looked very confident in what he was telling him. After a moment Sam nodded in accept and they returned to their spots.

The stranger sent a glance around the room – and ended on Kurt, sending him a wide smile.


	3. Wedding Bell Blues

All through the ceremony Kurt felt like he was about to die. He was pretty sure this was what one felt like leading up to a heart-attack. His tie felt like it was strangling him and the room was the temperature of a booming volcano.

The stranger didn't look at him anymore. When Anna Maria entered she was cutely dressed in a sparkly emerald dress, matching Sam's outfit – of course she would be dressed as his superhero's love interest. Her hair was arranged in a fishbone-braid to her shoulder, the rest of her brown locks neatly waving down her shoulder and chest. Her earrings were tiny g-clefs and make-up was bright red. When she joined Sam it was yet another evidence that these two people were perfect for each other.

Marley shed a tear along with almost the entire room. She snuggled close to Kurt and he put an arm around her, doing his best to not look at the people walking down the aisle – especially those after Sam and Anna Maria.

This would surely be the wedding from Hell.

**xXx**

The ballroom was crowded. Everyone were chatting and having fun while waiting for the happy couple to join the party. Kurt had found their seats while Marley helped the kids to get seated at the children's table. Fortunately it didn't seem like the best man was anywhere near them, so Kurt allowed himself to ease up. He kept repeating his mantra over and over again in his head, hoping he would start believing it.

_I will not let this define me. I will push this aside for my family – and my sanity!_

People were mingling, girls complimenting each others dresses and Kurt ended up with his friends discussing a poker night they had planned as soon as Sam was back from his honeymoon.

When Sam and Anna Maria appeared, cute in their costumes with locked hands and bright smiles, everyone cheered and applauded. To Kurt's horror he had completely forgot that the best man would open the ball with a toast – something that had Kurt cringe and down his drink in one go.

The guy talked a cute deal about the couple, about his friendship with Sam and ended with well-wishes and a thank you to the guests for respecting their wishes of no presents, but donations to the Children's Cancer Recovery Foundation instead. The entire thing he rounded of with a song, and of course the guy sang like a dream.

He knew that it was impolite, but Kurt had to leave. He couldn't stand being forced to look at the man and listen to his voice. He knew how that voice sounded during sex, he knew how that face looked during sex, he knew how that body felt under the way too tight spandex pants, leaving nothing to the imagination.

He went to the back of the ballroom, looking for more drinks. He didn't want to get drunk before the party had even started, but he could feel that he needed something to at least keep him going. The moment he found a drink he went to the hall, looking for a way to get some fresh air.

As soon as he felt like his head had stopped fogging and his throat had stopped feeling dry and strangled he decided that he had better get back inside. He bottomed his drink and found back to the ballroom. The best man had ended his toast and everyone had spread around in small groups, chatting and gossiping. Unfortunately Kurt couldn't see Marley anywhere in the crowd.

"Hey. Did you see Marley?" Kurt asked Artie who had just told Puck to stop staring at his wife's boobs.

"Yeah. She's over by the band talking to Blaine," Artie said, tightening his grip on his wife's waist.

"Who's Blaine?" Kurt asked confused, his eyebrows meeting over his nose.

"It's Sam's best man. I thought you talked to him last weekend. They're right over there," Artie said and pointed in the direction of the band.

Surely there Marley was. She was in the middle of a conversation, laughing loudly, with the guy in the tights. He was laughing just as much as she was and they seemed like they were having a really good time. For the first time in his life Kurt really wished that Marley didn't have the gift of connecting with everyone she met.

_Shit! What if he says something?_ Kurt thought, his blood freezing over.

_How could I forget that I didn't know his name?_

_What was his name, again?_

"You okay?" Artie asked, and Kurt only vaguely registered it, his eyes sucking up the view of Marley and the man – Blaine.

"What? Yeah... I'm... I'm fine," Kurt stuttered and walked away.

He couldn't just go over there and tell them to not talk. But he couldn't exactly let them become best friends either. This simply shouldn't be happening, but unfortunately the pain in his temple told him that it was very much real.

So Kurt did what a real man shouldn't do, but at the moment he didn't see any other option: he fled. He fled to melt into his group of friends where he could be present without engaging in the conversation and still keep an eye on Marley to make sure she didn't suddenly look like she wanted to kill him. Fortunately she looked like she was still in a good mood when they went their separate ways.

"Hey handsome," Marley's voice sounded as she snuck up behind him, kissing the back of his ear before she let her hand down to find his.

"Hey," Kurt smiled in response, the ice in his belly melting from the assurance that his secret hadn't been shared.

"I was just talking to Sam's best man. He's really cool – and funny, too," she told and sipped her drink.

"I wouldn't know," Kurt rushed out, a little too fast, but to his luck Marley didn't seem to notice.

They continued mindless small-talk with friends and family of the newlyweds. The typical conversational subjects of the ceremony, the outfits and decorations, the honeymoon and everything else it was customary for people to turn with each other at a wedding.

It wasn't until after a little while Kurt saw the man at the other end of the room, headed towards the hall. That's when he saw his cue. Marley was talking to Sam and Anna Maria a few tables away, and there was no chance anyone else would see him sneaking out.

"You! Stop right there!" Kurt snarled as he followed the guy down the hall.

_Blaine. Yes. His name was Blaine._

_Wasn't that what Artie had said?_

"Who? Me?" The guy asked confused and turned around, but when he saw who it was the corners of his mouth curled.

"Yes, you!"

"So – you decided to stop lying to yourself, or what?" Blaine smirked.

"Shut up. Did you tell Sam about... this?" Kurt stammered out, refusing to actually say the words.

"What? Of course I didn't. If you wanna screw up your life you should do it at your own speed," he said casually.

"Just... stay the hell away from my wife. Got that?" Kurt warned, surprised that he was pointing a finger at the guy.

They were standing right in front of each other. Some sort of ooze was running through Kurt's body by being so close to the man again, but he couldn't let it stop him.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I don't even know who your wife is," he objected.

"You just talked to her, like, 20 minutes ago," Kurt snapped, rolling his eyes, because apparently telling someone to shut up about the mistake of his life was a lot harder task than he had figured it would be.

"Oh that pretty girl. You know, it's really unfair to take the pretty girls off the market for the straight guys who actually feels something for them," he snickered and Kurt felt like he was boiling with anger by now.

"Look, just stay the hell away from her. You can't tell her about... what happened," Kurt said, doing his best to return to the point so he could get away as fast as possible.

"Dude, I didn't even think about that. If you want to cheat on your wife and lie about who you are then I honestly don't care," the guy shrugged.

"I am not gay! It was just a drunk, bi-curious, stupid mistake. It has never happened before and it will never happen again, because I – am not – _gay!_" Kurt spit out, frustrated that this guy couldn't just agree to let it be water under the bridge so they could never talk to each other again.

"Whatever, man. If you wanna fool yourself with that, I'm not gonna be in your way. It's not the first time I had a one-night-stand, you know. And I don't support outing people," he sighed and turned his back on Kurt, heading down the hall where he had been on his way to when Kurt had stopped him.

Good. This was good. The guy wasn't going to tell anyone. He would keep shut and it could all be forgotten after the wedding. Then they would never have to see each other again.

At least now he had a beacon of light in the horizon of this perfect storm that his life had turned into.

**xXx**

The whole idea with the costumes had been a brilliant idea. Blaine hadn't hesitated to jump on board as soon as Sam had presented the plan to him. One of the things he and Sam had bonded over as kids was their equal love for comic books and superheroes, so of course Blaine would help him make this happen for his wedding.

However, the spandex was hot and itchy. When he moved he could feel _everything_ move around with him, and more than once a kid had pulled on his cape so he was getting choked. But he wasn't going to let it bring down the party. His mood was high and he was very excited to be celebrating his best friend finally be married to the girl of his dreams.

"You will not believe what just happened!" He declared as he found his date, Tina, who was his best girl-friend and roommate – aka the girl who always served as his date when he wasn't in a relationship.

"What?" She asked and turned to face him, sucking on a straw in her bright colored drink. Crack the hard booze open early was something Blaine and Tina often had a lot of fun with.

"See that guy over there? That is the guy," Blaine said and nodded in the direction of Sam's friend who had just stopped to talk to Sam's parents.

"What guy? Who?" Tina asked and stared through the crowd in the direction Blaine had shown her.

"The guy I told you about. From last weekend," he said and rolled his eyes as he grabbed a snack from the table next to them. He waited a moment to let the pieces fall into place, watching as a light was turned on in Tina's eyes. Now she knew.

"Yeah. He just stopped me in the hall to tell me to stay away from his wife," Blaine said with a chuckle.

The entire situation was ridiculous. To him it was obvious that the guy was gay. He saw it the moment the guy walked into the restaurant the prior weekend. And to be honest – there was no way a straight guy could drive so hard and deep into another guy's ass.

"Oh god, he did not! Like you would even do that," Tina burst out in shock.

"Yeah. Apparently that chick I talked to earlier – the one with the flower shop – that's his wife. I almost told him she invited me to stop by her shop, but I figured it wouldn't do if I killed him," Blaine shrugged, the image of the guy almost scarlet in the face from panic and anger filling his inner vision.

"Honestly, I think he's a dick. If he's married and got kids – closeted or not, he should not be cheating. That's disgusting," she groaned with an unamused expression on her face.

"You say it, girl. I mean – I know I probably shouldn't have, you know, encouraged his cheating, but... would you look at him. He is pretty hot," Blaine snickered, pretty satisfied by the thought that he was the only guy in the world to ever have been with him.

"Blaine!"

"No, really... I see it as I did him a favor. Maybe it makes him think of everything he's missing out on. Maybe he'll be on the gay dating field in a year or something," Blaine said, doing his best to sound thoughtful and deep.

"And that's when you're gonna strike?" Tina led him towards their table so they could sit down and make themselves comfortable.

"What? No – I mean... if he wanted another round I wouldn't be opposed to the idea. For a gay-virgin he was a pretty good fuck. But not until he's divorced, then -" Blaine assured her.

Yeah. To be fair he hadn't thought much about the guy since their hook-up. Only throughout Sunday when he had still been feeling the ghost of the guy inside of him. When he had woken up naked and got dressed before he left the room. When he had taken the money the guy had thrown at him and shoved them into the pocket of his coat.

And maybe a little when he had jerked himself off in the shower the next day.

But for the rest of the week he hadn't spared him many thoughts. He had gone through his week as per usual, going to work and going on with his usual business. This was nothing but a hook-up, a one night stand – with a guy who wouldn't even admit that he was gay. There really was no reason to think any further about this. He didn't even know his name, and he didn't care for it.

They got to their seats and chatted about the cute centerpiece decorations and how cute it was that a couple of the kids from the hospital had served as bridesmaids. They played their usual game of rating people on a scale from 1 to 10, who they would do and who they wouldn't. It didn't take long before Blaine's encounter with the guy from the bachelor-party had been forgotten and he was laughing loudly with Tina.

That was until the rest of the party started getting seated at their tables, though. Their table had almost filled up when two seats were taken – by the guy and his wife.

**xXx**

_No. No, no, no. This is not happening_, Kurt thought. He was sure he was about to scream. How could this happen? It had to be some sort of karmic punishment. He stepped aside once, and now he was doomed to have it rubbed in his face for all eternity.

The guy (_I refuse to use his name – even in my head!_) was sitting right across the table from Kurt's seat. He was chatting with a pretty Asian woman, and to Kurt's horror Marley's face lit up when she saw who they were sharing a table with.

"Hi again. What a nice surprise. I don't think we ever introduced ourselves. My name is Marley, and this is my husband Kurt," she chirped, polite as ever as she neatly sat down, checking her dress for folds.

"Hi – I think I talked to... Kurt – at Sam's bachelor-party last weekend. Just a bit. I'm Blaine and this is my roommate Tina," he said with a smile at Marley, not even paying Kurt more than a polite glance.

Kurt smeared on his best fake-polite mask and stayed shut. Through dinner he didn't say a word unless he was asked. He listened to Marley chat with the man and his roommate about Sam and how they knew each other. They talked about kids and how they had chosen to live close to Kurt's family. To Kurt it seemed like they talked about everything, and all he wanted to do was tune out how good Marley connected with the strangers.

Throughout the evening Kurt made a lot of trips to the bathroom, to the bar and to get fresh air – anything to get away from his table. It gave him a lot of excuses to hang out with his friends instead, and considering Marley was preoccupied he didn't feel guilty. At least not about leaving her behind. He had plenty of other stuff to feel guilty for.

For some time he forgot his guilt as he had taken Lily for a swing on the dance floor. The relief was quickly broken, though, when the guy and his roommate waltzed by them in a dance filled with wild laughter and jokes. It got too much, Kurt had to get out.

He was met by Marley and without thought he kissed her hard. Like he was trying to remind himself that no matter what happened he was with her – that was how it had always been and how it always would be. She giggled from the surprise but allowed herself into the kiss. The rest of the evening they spent with locked hands, but Kurt discretely kept shooting glances around the room to make sure Sam still knew nothing about his mistake.

As it grew later they watched Anna Maria throw the bouquet, causing a riot amongst the single ladies present. No harm done, though. Next up came the moment where Sam would be throwing his new wife's garter.

Everyone gathered around the chair where the lady was sitting with a bright grin on her face, looking down on her new husband on his knees in front of her. Her pale legs were showing off a bright, blue garter around her smooth thigh and Sam was already smirking as he leaned down to grab it with his teeth, peeking not-so-subtle under her dress, as the group of single guys crowded at the end of the circle.

It went a lot better than expected, and Kurt couldn't help thinking that they probably had practiced – they would do that. It was time for Sam to throw the garter to the crowd of horny men, all waiting to be the one to catch the fabric with the superstitious promise of being the next to get married.

It all happened so fast. Kurt was holding Marley's hand, unsuspecting and forcing himself to keep his pokerface for what could be left of the evening – when the blue silk flew through the room during cheers and catcalls... ending in Blaine's hands, and Kurt went pale as a sheet as Blaine looked right at him.

Both men rushed to let the gaze leave the other, and Kurt released Marley's hand so he could disappear in the crowd of guests, seeking for the bar that had served as his refuge all night. Probably not a good idea, considering how his head was swimming and his eyes were itching.

"Honey, the kids are exhausted. Milo is asleep in the corner so I'm gonna take them home. You can just stay here," Marley said as she found him by the bar.

"No. No, that's okay. I'll go home with you," Kurt hurried to object, already tasting freedom sweetly. He could leave and he would never be faced with the subject of his idiocy ever again.

"Are you kidding me, bro? If your lady says you can stay you are staying – the night is young!" Puck had turned around and thrown an arm around Kurt's neck. He was caught.

"Really, I just wanna -" Kurt started to argue, but Marley stopped him.

"It's fine. You can just take a cab home. Have some fun, celebrate Sam," she assured him and received a high-five from Puck.

There was nothing to do now. He was caught. If Puck first was determined to keep him there, there was no way he was getting out.

"Oh alright then. I'll see you later, or tomorrow. Love you," Kurt peeped weakly and leaned in to receive a tender kiss from his wife before she kissed Puck's cheek and left them.

**xXx**

Close to the entire party had emptied out. Left was only Kurt and his high school friends, the newly-weds and a bunch of their other friends – and his best man with his roommate. They were all gathered at the table closest to the bar, of course, with a drinking game going. Kurt could feel his head going heavy and his tongue was dry. He constantly checked his watch, wondering when he would be allowed to get out.

Finn kept getting him new drinks, cheered on by everyone. At least the guy wasn't looking at him once. Not that Kurt was directly staring at him – but he couldn't help looking in his direction. Strictly because he was talking to people sitting close to the guy. Of course he wasn't staring. Especially not at how tight his pants were when he walked from the end of the table to the bar and back again with his cape swung around his neck as a scarf, showing off his ass and the fact that he wasn't wearing underwear to avoid lines under the spandex.

_I wonder how it feels like_, Kurt caught himself thinking.

"Wow. Wow, wow, wow! No, I have to go home. Now!" He burst out, jumping to his feet, but the alcohol put his brain out of order, making him dizzily fall back to his seat.

"What's up, Hummel?" Artie asked, putting a hand to Kurt's shoulder. He didn't exactly look clear as morning sun himself.

"I gotta go home. I am way too plastered to stay. I don't even know – what time is it?" Kurt mumbled, not sure the words he meant to leave his mouth actually was what other people heard.

"Home? Are we gonna have that discussion again, man?" Puck groaned. Naturally he didn't feel the effects of the booze half as hard as the rest of the gang did. He was much more experienced in that department.

"Well, I am going to leave now, so I can go to the wedding-suite with my beautiful bride here," Sam declared, emptied his bottle and squeezed his hand on Anna Maria's butt. She had been safely seated in his lap, drinking more than most of the guys around the table – if anyone could beat Puck in a game of drinking it was her.

"And I hope you are betting on who's on top, or I won't have an excuse to take pictures," she grinned. With that she pressed a kiss to Sam's forehead and stood up. She picked her shoes up off the floor and they both started a round of goodnight hugs and kisses to everyone.

_This will be my cue_, Kurt thought. Eying his chance to get away alive.

He hugged Sam and Anna Maria tight, kissing her cheek and wishing them a good night and safe honeymoon. Then he went to the bar, standing there for a moment as he watched them leave the ballroom. He emptied his glass, wincing at the sharp taste of vodka cutting through his throat, and declared that this time it was serious – he really would be leaving.

He received a lot of complaints spread around the table. But to his astonishment he didn't see the stranger, Blaine, among the guests – at all. That was a relief. Then he didn't have to pretend to be nice and polite when he took his round of goodbyes.

The minute he stepped into the lobby he felt like a great burden was lifted off his shoulders. Finally he was free; he would not be seeing the guy again. He staggered to the reception and asked the lady to call him a cab. She sent him a smile that obviously was born from obligation and not from earnest politeness, so he leaned against the wall next to the elevator, closing his eyes and trying to make sure he would stay on his feet until he was in the taxi.

"You leaving, Mr. Straight-Man?" A voice sounded and Kurt shot his eyes open like he had been hit with ice cold water balloons.

_Fuck. Not him. Of all people, not him!_

"Are you stalking me?" He snapped as he struggled to keep his glance sharp.

"What? No. I just helped my friend to the bathroom," the guy said with a hint of chuckle under his breath.

"Oh yeah. Of course you did," Kurt snarled, rolling his eyes, but decided that definitely wasn't a good plan when he needed the support of a wall to not trip over his own feet.

"Listen, I don't know what your problem is. We fucked – _once_. It's not like I was expecting us to get married or anything," he shrugged, his voice a little sharp.

"Even if I was gay I wouldn't marry someone like you," Kurt said with fake sweetness in his voice.

Suddenly the guy was right in front of him, his chest pressed against Kurt's, and there was nowhere for Kurt to run. On his left was a wall, on his right a plant. He was trapped – with the man's arms on each side of his head.

"Oh, you're gay. You are so gay," he grinned and pressed his crotch against Kurt's. Oh god he could feel everything much more than he had been able to see it all night.

"I'm not... I'm not – gay," Kurt stammered out, his tongue going dry and his eyelids fluttering from the feeling of the man's dick so obviously rutting against his own.

"Then why can I feel your boner against mine?" He snickered. His eyes were locked on Kurt's, nowhere for him to look away. His eyes were big and brown, much clearer than they should have been after hours of drinking intensely, and for some reason Kurt felt like Blaine saw him, _really_ saw him.

All blood rushed to Kurt's face. Oh god. It was true. He was going hard – from the feeling of another man's junk pressed against his own.

"I'm just... drunk. Just get the hell off me," Kurt snarled, but he didn't get quite the force he had hoped for behind his words.

"Really? Well, if you aren't gay tell me that this doesn't make you feel anything -"

"What? You can't make me fe -"

Kurt was cut off. The guy had put his hands on his face and pressed his mouth onto Kurt's. He was forcing his tongue into his mouth, and for some idiotic reason he didn't stop him. His stomach started turning and his pulse sped up. He moved his lips hard in unison with the man's. Blaine. His name was Blaine.

After what felt like hours – or maybe only a few seconds – he backed away. Blaine did. His hands slid down Kurt's face, now cupping his jaw, but his eyes still as intense as before – maybe even a little more now.

Kurt couldn't breathe. His head was spinning around and his knees were about to buckle. He was sure that if Blaine hadn't been holding his head he would have crashed to the floor in an instant. His lips were trembling and his mouth was ajar -

- so he grabbed Blaine's face and pulled him back, shoving his own tongue back into his mouth and pushed his hips forward. The feeling of his cock twitching in his slacks against Blaine's hard dick made him groan into the kiss and he didn't dare open his eyes.

"You're pretty hard for a straight guy pressed against a dude," Blaine chuckled into his mouth, his lips sliding against Kurt's and his hand down to cup around Kurt's erection where he got a good grip, making Kurt grasp around a branch of the plant.

"Shut up and get us a room," Kurt grunted, sucking Blaine's lower lip into his mouth.

"Now!"

He put his hands onto Blaine's chest and pushed him away, trying to catch his breath before he looked down himself and fixed his tie. He whimpered a little to himself, running his fingers through his hair while twirling confused around.

"What the hell am I doing?" He whispered as he watched Blaine talk to the receptionist and accept a key. The receptionist sent them wistful eyes as Blaine hurried back to the elevator where Kurt was waiting, his lust on painful display in his tights.

The second Blaine was in he aggressively punched the buttons. Kurt grabbed his cape and pulled him back so Blaine crashed against him. Blaine had his hands down, opening Kurt's belt already while sucking on his lower lip. Behind Blaine all Kurt could see was himself in the mirror covering the wall; groped, sucked and licked on by another man. He squeezed his eyes shut, blocking out the reality of what he was doing with his fingers digging into the green spandex covering Blaine's back. With a ding he was saved from the mirrors watching him.

Blaine quickly had Kurt pulled out of the elevator and down the hall, every now and then stopping to press him against a wall to grind their crotches together, before they ended at one of the white doors with a gold sign. It only was a second before the door clicked and they tumbled into the room.

As they were staring intensely at each other Kurt quickly threw his blazer and tie on one side of the bed. He kicked off his shoes way faster than he thought possible, almost making a floral patterned vase fall to the floor as his one shoe hit a small table by the wall. Blaine was wearing a horny grin as he got the cape and shirt off, letting both drop to the floor in a pile of colorful fabrics.

"Who's straight now? What was all that talk about drunken mistake of a one-night-stand, Mr. Straight-Man?" Blaine smirked and walked towards Kurt on unsteady, alcohol-blurred feet.

"Shut up and get on your knees," Kurt growled and pushed him hard on his naked chest.

Blaine hit the back of his knees against the bed and fell to sit on it. Kurt saw it as an opportunity and roughly grabbed his shoulders to force him around. Now he had Blaine on his knees on the floor, stomach resting against the bed.

In a swift motion Kurt had Blaine's pants pulled down, the elastic swiping loudly over his tanned thighs. His ass was just as tight and smooth as Kurt remembered it. He bucked back against Kurt, rubbing his crack against Kurt's zipper and turned his head to stare at Kurt over his shoulder.

"Come on. Get your big, straight cock out and fuck me. I know you can do it," Blaine snickered, and Kurt felt his anger well back in over him.

With a snap reminder to himself Kurt pulled his wallet from his back pocket. He would sure have what he needed there. After almost emptying all the contents out on the floor with fumbling fingers, quivering dick, he found what he needed: a few condoms he had put there for emergency nights with Marley in hotels after parties without the kids.

He rushed his pants down to his knees, his cock immediately springing against Blaine's ass, struggling to get between the cheeks. He grasped a corner of the copper packaging with his teeth and bit it open, hurrying the slippery rubber out. He slid it around his fingers, smearing the grease around best possible, soon his entire hand sticky and wet before he let the rubber fall to the expensive rug under them. It wasn't much, but Kurt could see no other alternative, so he hoped the lubrication from the condom would be enough to avoid any accidents.

Without warning he grabbed his clean hand around Blaine's one cheek and spread him open, flashing his pink dusk hole so Kurt could press his lubed-up finger directly in. He was paid with a high pitched grunt and he could feel the tension spread in the other man's body. Blaine's breathing changed as he forced himself to relax around the digit.

However, Kurt didn't give him time to adjust. He instantly started thrusting in and out, crooking his finger and pulling to the sides. Blaine was moaning and breathing loudly, pushing back to meet him when Kurt shoved one more finger in, already spreading on the way into Blaine's body.

"Is that all you've got?" Blaine asked with thick voice.

Kurt rolled his eyes and shoved a third digit in, spreading and crooking, twisting and turning. His hand was almost cramping from how tight the guy was around him. He could feel his own temperature rising and he wondered if he would have a fever once they actually got to it.

"Give me more, Mr. Straight-Man. More," Blaine demanded, pushing back down on Kurt's hand.

"Fuck you," Kurt snapped heavily and retreated his hand forcefully from the man's ass. He could see the open ring, the inside dark and waiting as Blaine tightened his muscles as good as he could, but not quite enough to let his open hole disappear.

It was with a lot of fidgeting and fumbling Kurt had the next condom open. He pressed the air out of the tip and rolled it over his cock, nearly not caring enough to get it all the way down, but did it anyway.

"Yes. Fuck me. Get to it!" Blaine growled, but ended in a gasp as Kurt pushed into him, directly all the way to the hilt.

"Fuck yes! Finally."

Kurt grabbed tightly on Blaine's one shoulder and his other hand to his hip. He pulled almost all the way out before he snapped his hips back in – all the way back.

For a moment Kurt had to catch balance, the alcohol making his brain swim, but he pushed through and started with unsteady thrusts forcing his head clear enough to work up a more even rhythm.

Just like the last time he was amazed by how vocal Blaine was. Kurt had only ever had sex with Marley before and she definitely wasn't as loud, and neither was Kurt. Blaine on the other hand was a noisy mix of grunts and moans.

"Fuck me harder, Mr. Straight-Man. Harder!" Blaine ordered, his fingers curling around the bedding under him.

Kurt's face was boiling. He wasn't sure if he was mostly angry at Blaine for being right in his face, getting him back into this mess – or if he was mostly angry with himself for going along with it.

Nonetheless, he draped his torso over Blaine's back, his fingernails digging into the skin of Blaine's shoulder. His hips kept moving and his lungs felt like they were planning to escape from his body. When Blaine realized Kurt's face was close to his he turned his head, trying to catch a kiss.

"Drunken mistake. You've wanted me all night," Blaine smirked, syllables interrupted by Kurt's body clashing against his.

"Shut the fuck up. Now!" Kurt growled and in a panic move he grabbed his Armani tie from the bed and shoved it aggressively into Blaine's mouth, punctuating with short, rough thrusts of his cock into Blaine's hole.

The act had Blaine's eyes rolling back in his skull. He bucked his ass backwards, meeting every one of Kurt's drives.

They were both sweating heavily, making Kurt's chest slide over Blaine's back with every movement. He could feel his nipples stiff and longing as they brushed over Blaine's working shoulder blades. For some reason he couldn't help letting himself really feel all the muscles on Blaine's back, really feeling how strong and masculine he was and it only spurred him more on.

"So fucking hot. So fucking hot," he panted to himself, not caring that his mouth was right at Blaine's ear, and it made Blaine whimper behind his gag.

To pull himself back to reality Kurt took a firmer grip around Blaine's hip and slowed his thrusts to deep and hard, arching his back to ram right against Blaine's prostate. The man under him responded by curling his back, making his ass more accessible for Kurt and crash his forehead down in the mattress.

"Hnnnnng. Hmmmm," Blaine roared into the tie as he spilled all over the bedspread.

Blaine's elbows buckled under him, letting his upper body fall on the bed in his own semen. Kurt slipped his hand down to rest on the bedspread, upping his speed with tiny grunts as he kept fucking Blaine hard against his prostate even though Blaine was now whimpering in possible pain.

"Yes. Yes. So hot, so hot," Kurt grunted as his hips started to work erratically against Blaine's ass and he was filling the condom, hot and slippery around his overworked cock.

In a foggy haze Kurt released all control of himself and fell down atop of Blaine. He was heaving for air, Blaine's own overloaded lungs making his entire torso constantly expand and retract not doing anything to make it easier for Kurt to get back to himself.

After a minute of ordering his limbs back to work Kurt rolled to his back next to Blaine. He kept his eyes closed and tried focusing on his breathing. He was sure he hadn't been this drained of energy for ages.

It only took a second before he could feel Blaine get off the bed. Kurt didn't open his eyes to see where he was going and he didn't ask. He stuck to his own, not even daring to think that he actually had to get his clothes back on.

"Auch!" Something cold and hard had hit his ribs. He opened his eyes and looked down, seeing a bottle of water lying next to him. He let his head drop back to the mattress under him, but rose back to his elbows and pulled the condom off, carefully tying it up and letting it drop to the floor next to the bed.

"Drink. So you don't get dehydrated," Blaine said.

He was stark naked taking a step towards the bed before he grabbed around the bedspread. He lifted it and Kurt got the hint. He fought himself to lift on his elbows so Blaine could pull it off and let it fall to a pile on the floor. Then they both went to lie all the way up the bed, instead halfway up the way they had done ten minutes ago.

"Drink, I said," Blaine repeated and grabbed the unopened bottle on the bed to put it on Kurt's stomach. It was ice cold and felt like it was boring into his skin. He stared down at it and then back to Blaine who had almost emptied his own bottle.

"What are you, my health counselor?" Kurt snarled at him, but took the bottle anyway.

"Just do it, you look trashed," Blaine groaned with a grin and put his own bottle on the nightstand next to him.

It was true. Kurt felt like he could empty a river. His throat was rasp and his head was spinning. He was so exhausted he had to fight to keep his eyes open. The bedding was soft on his skin, and he didn't even think about it when he kicked off his pants all the way before he obeyed and drank half the water.

"Fuck that was good. I'm so tired I could sleep for a week now," Blaine mumbled dozily, ending with a yawn.

**xXx**

Kurt's neck felt completely stiff. His one side was freezing cold, but the side he was lying on was warm. His front, on the other hand, was hot as a furnace. He was pressed against another naked body, his dick rock hard and pressed between two firm ass cheeks.

He was still running on the aftermath of the alcohol. His temples were throbbing and his tongue felt like it was covered in sandpaper. When he raised his head from the pillow he was sure he could hear his spine crack.

By Kurt's awkward moving the person in front of him expressed a groan and Kurt could feel the vibrations in his chest, and he was reminded of how hard he was.

"Fuck," the guy in front of him mumbled.

"You're so hard."

Blaine's voice was gravelly and low, as hazy as Kurt felt, but damn if it wasn't true.

A quick flash in his head reminded him that he had dropped his last condom on the bed behind him and quickly reached behind him to find it. He fumbled around for a moment but was relieved to find it quickly. His hips were rutting against the man's ass, receiving moans and rubbing from Blaine in return.

Like he was on fast forward Kurt had the condom open and rolled over his erection in heartbeat. He grabbed Blaine's ass, making him move his leg forwards, opening himself for Kurt.

There wasn't any need for more stretching. Blaine's hole was still open and lax after earlier, so Kurt pushed right into him, his nails digging into the flesh of his ass. When he was seated as good as possible he let his hand drift to Blaine's hip, grabbing firmly and started to awkwardly move his hips.

He almost couldn't get himself out of Blaine's hole, so he settled for working hard inside of the man. His dick felt like it was burning and his balls were on the edge of explosion. This was not to make it last, he simply needed to come.

"Shit, yes – you're so fucking big!" Blaine moaned, his face mushed into the pillow as he kept his back arched for his ass bucking towards Kurt.

Taking a boost to his ego Kurt pushed Blaine's torso down on the bed, rising on arm so he could get a better angle to pump his cock with much easier way of going in and out in the new position.

This round didn't take long. He could already feel the well-known sensation in his belly, rumbling and disturbing. His dick almost felt like the skin was starting to burn off and he needed to keep his eyes closed because they were itching and stinging.

"God. Fuck me there – right there!" Blaine whined into the pillow, pushing his ass back against Kurt's hips.

Kurt was so close, it wouldn't be long – so he made a snap decision. He released his hand from Blaine's hip and reached around the man to grab around his cock. Without having any idea what the he was doing he started wanking him off, quick and hard.

_I'm touching another man's cock. I'm jerking another man off. What am I doing? Feels so good, so hard and heavy_, Kurt thought and gave a growl.

He was coming again. It was like his sac was curling up. His hair was clasped against his sweaty forehead and his arm was threatening to let him fall. He could feel the friction from his thrusting against Blaine's ass work through his own body, and somehow it was like the feeling of coming inside the condom was like slicking himself up in a boiling liquid.

"You fucking – fuck!" Kurt whimpered and bit down on his lower lip as his hips slowly stopped working.

But Blaine hadn't come yet. Kurt didn't know why but he just kept his hand working around him. He opened his eyes and watched as Blaine grabbed around a fistful of the comforter under them, and the way he was boring one side of his face down in the pillow. The visible side of his face showed his mouth slightly ajar in a perfect 'O'. A drop of sweat was caught in his eyebrow and his face was shimmering with sweat. He looked peaceful and blissed out.

Kurt twisted his wrist lightly and ran his thumb through the pre-come on Blaine's head.

"Ooooh... ooooh yesss, yess like that," Blaine whined sorely and all sound left his mouth.

His hips started moving and Kurt's hand turned warm and wet. There was sperm everywhere and Kurt closed his eyes, squeezing them as hard as he could.

_A man just came on my hand. Another man just unloaded all over my hand – because I jerked him to release,_ he thought, not knowing whether it was terror or pride that was bubbling in his chest.

He hurried to release his hand, making sure he wiped as much come off on the way. Blaine stayed on his front, now falling down to lie completely splayed out with his entire backside naked and on display.

"So many orgasms, Mr. Straight-Man. No straight guy fucks ass like you do," Blaine choked out, sounding utterly sated and spent.

The haze was starting to lift off Kurt's brain. He knew that he wasn't completely sober yet, but he definitely wasn't drunk anymore either. He hurried to sit up and looked desperately around the room.

A clock. He needed to know what time it was. At least it was dark outside, the only light in the room from the lamp in the ceiling over their heads.

"No no no. This never happened. What the fuck is going on?" Kurt complained, his voice so used up he almost couldn't recognize it himself. He couldn't believe he had let himself fall asleep. Not to mention wake up and go at it again.

He was on his feet in no time. Swaying around as he grasped for his clothes, pulling it on in a haste that had him almost fall down.

"I'm sorry to break it to you, but it did. Twice. And it was good. You really know how to fuck. I'm not sure I'll be able to sit down tomorrow," Blaine mumbled thickly as he turned to lie on his side. By some insane irony his way of being curled up reminded Kurt of a sleepy child, his brown eyes only adding to the image. Not what he needed right now.

"I don't wanna hear it. I'm gonna... I'm gonna get out and I will never see you again, you got that? Never! This is over!" Kurt stammered, his voice shaky.

He was fumbling to button up his shirt, doing it all wrong and crooked but not caring the least. He ran to the bathroom on bare feet, hurrying to wash his hands and rinse his mouth before he rushed back and shoved his socks into the pockets of his coat. He had his shoes on in no time, not even wasting a second to tie the laces.

Blaine was snoring on the bed, not even bothered to cover up his naked frame.

This time Kurt didn't leave any money. Tears were already prickling out from his eyes when he opened the door and ran down the hall. He didn't have patience for the elevator and ran as fast as he could down the stairs and was in the reception before he realized it.

He felt like he was having an out of body experience. He was on the cold Manhattan street, looking for a cab with dressed up people on their way to clubs and parties, or on their way back home. He still had no idea what time it was, but the moment he was in the cab and had given the driver his address he hid his face in his hands and allowed his sobbing to take over.

He cried all the way back to Queens. He didn't think any further when he handed the driver some money and tumbled out in the street. The entire neighborhood was silent, like a parallel universe.

The house was dark, and he knew that everyone would be asleep. It took him two minutes to find his key. He bit his lips hard together, forcing himself to not sob loudly as the feeling of home overtook him when he entered the dark house.

_Please don't let Marley wake up. Please don't let Marley wake up. Please don't let Marley wake up._

When he started tiptoeing up the stairs he realized that he would have to go in and sleep next to her. He was smelling like sweat and sex and a stranger's deodorant, smelled like another man. Surely she would notice when she woke up in the morning, and if he started to shower now he would definitely wake her up.

So he stripped out of his clothes and slipped under the sheets in the guest bedroom. He could always tell her that he hadn't want to wake her up when he came home drunk.

The moment he was lying down in the dark, looking around the room that was decorated with drawings from the kids and pictures of the family with fresh flowers from Marley's shop on the dresser, he broke back into a sob. After only a few minutes the pillowcase was already soaked in tears and spit.

_I am the worst person in the world. I don't even deserve to go back to that bed tomorrow. She should hate me, despise me. How could I ever treat her like this?_

But the worst part was probably the little voice in the back of his head that he had done everything to ignore since his first encounter with Blaine: how much more right he felt with the hands of a man on his body, than with the hands of a woman – the hands of his wife.


	4. Heart Failure

November was always a heavy month for Kurt, but this year it was much heavier than usual. He did a lot of his work at cafés, avoiding Quinn because of her sixth sense of his mental state. The first few days after Sam's wedding had been a plague. Kurt did his best to avoid Marley and worked himself hard, but in time it got easier. He constantly shifted between being on the edge of tears and internally yelling at himself to get himself together.

After a week of constantly reminding himself of his mantra (_I will not let this define me. I will push this aside for my family – and my sanity!_) he was slowly starting to return to normal. He allowed himself to curl up with Marley on the couch, and they took the kids out over the weekends. They had Finn and his family over for dinner and laughed together at the postcards Sam and Anna Maria sent them from their honeymoon.

The only times he was reminded of his awful sins were the nights he couldn't fall asleep and was beating himself up in his mind. Or when he was in the shower, jerking off and images of the man crept up on him and made him splatter all over the dusty blue tiles. Those were also the times he felt sick with himself and he couldn't look himself in the mirror, or look Marley in the eyes, so he made up excuses for why he was too busy to watch the news with her or why he easily could fix dinner alone.

Now it had been almost three weeks since the wedding. Kurt hadn't thought about Blaine for over a week and he was out of his bad nerves. He hadn't forgot about it, and he hadn't accepted it – he had simply reached a point where he had pushed it away to not let it interfere with his life, with his family or his job.

There were two weeks left until Thanksgiving and the guys at work were discussing the upcoming Christmas party. Kurt's parents had promised to take the kids so he and Marley could stay out late and have a few drinks. He was definitely looking forward to have a night of relaxing and let loose, not to mention that Christmas holidays would be right around the corner.

"Kurt? Carl wants to see you in his office," Quinn said as she walked by his desk to return to her own across the aisle. She packed up her purse and said goodbye as she left for an interview. With a sigh Kurt got to his feet and headed to the editor's office.

Carl was a nice guy. He had been the one to hire Quinn in the first place and when she came to him, asking for help to Kurt he was the one to open up for him as well. To everyone in the office he was the dad some never had and the work-dad some really needed.

"Hey. You wanted to see me?" Kurt said as he entered the office and sat down on the soft chair in front of Carl's desk.

"Hey Kurt. Yeah, I just wanted to discuss the January issue with you. I just got a bunch of emails in, and apparently we're back to navy themed fashion next year," Carl declared, offering Kurt a fresh bottle of water from the fridge behind his desk.

They continued discussing the fashion of the new year, going through photoshoots and samples Carl had received. Kurt was taking notes, letting the ideas dance around his head.

"Just wait a minute. Do you mind if I open a window? It's pretty hot in here, isn't it?" Carl suddenly asked.

They had been talking for an hour and the man had been shifting nervously in his seat during their entire conversation. He was starting to seem pale and he was fidgeting around with the papers on his desk. Kurt was honestly starting to become a little nervous.

"No, I think it's fine. Are you alright?" Kurt asked concerned, turning to follow his boss with his eyes when the man was by the window.

Suddenly he stopped, and everything felt like a mix of fast-forward and slow motion. Carl burst out a curse and fell to the floor right under the window. Kurt was frozen in his seat, watching it all happen. When he pulled himself out of his paralyze he ran to the end of the room and fell to his knees.

"_Help! Please, somebody help!_" Kurt called out, hoping people would hear him.

He checked the pulse, realizing he had no idea if he could even feel it. In a rash decision he held his hand under Carl's nose, searching for breath. There was no breath and to his relief one of the guys was there, already calling an ambulance. One of his other colleagues were there, starting CPR and Kurt couldn't do anything but watch and let the horrible flashback of his dad's heart-attack well in over him.

Kurt's head was spinning. His nerves were buzzing and he felt dizzy. Tears were prickling at his eyes but he forced them back, refusing to break into crying at his work-place.

"Kurt, come here, the paramedics are here," a colleague said and grabbed his arm, leading him back to the desk.

A flash of blue ran past them and both guys were on their knees next to Carl. They pulled out instruments and worked so fast Kurt couldn't follow what was going on. He was almost hyperventilating and shaking. This just couldn't be happening. He couldn't have anything happen to Carl.

Luckily it didn't take long before the paramedics declared that they had a pulse and was starting to get him ready to take him down to the ambulance.

"Hey, are you okay?" A terrifyingly familiar voice sounded and when Kurt looked to his side, meeting the face of the guy who was holding a soft hand on his arm. Kurt's eyes widened in terror – he was not ready for this.

"Hey. Kurt, isn't it? You were here when it happened?" Blaine asked, and Kurt's colleague brushed a soothing hand down his back before he walked to the other paramedic who was still on his knees. He had Carl sitting up and was draping a blanket around his shoulders, asking him questions and checking his eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Kurt asked, too out of himself to snap.

"I'm just doing my job. You look pretty shaken up," Blaine said and let his hand drop from Kurt's arm.

"I'm fine!" Kurt retorted, this time a little sharper than before. He couldn't look at him, couldn't look at his face. Of all the paramedics in the world Blaine had to be the one to come when his boss had a heart-attack. He hadn't even known that he was a paramedic.

"No, you're not. You're shaking and you're pale," Blaine objected, taking half a step closer to Kurt.

"I don't have time for this. I have to get back to work," Kurt groaned and got to his feet, but Blaine stopped him with a hand on his wrist, pulling him back.

Kurt panicky looked around himself, but there weren't anyone in the office but him, Blaine and the other paramedic still working on Carl.

"You can't go back to work now. You're in shock."

"No, I'm no -"

"I just have to get back to the hospital with your boss, and then I'm done for today. Let me take you out for a drink," Blaine offered, his voice incredibly soft and calm when he wasn't drunk – _or getting fucked_.

"Still not gay," Kurt hissed under his breath.

"I don't care about that. You should get a hold of yourself. You're shaking and you look like you're about to throw up," Blaine declared and rolled his eyes.

"Doesn't matter. I'm not gonna be seen with you in public. So get out of my work-place," Kurt snarled and tried to shake him off.

"Listen... we'll go to a hotel, we'll order some drinks to the room - all on me. No one will see you with me, and you will calm down. I promise this is not to get into your pants or anything. I am really just doing my job. You're really upset about this, beyond how people usually react when their boss has a heart-attack, and I can't just let you deal with this yourself," Blaine pushed, and to Kurt's surprise he seemed sincere. This definitely wasn't the guy he had fooled around with at parties.

"I don't really know..." Kurt stated insecurely. He shifted his weight on his feet, looking out the door where it seemed like everyone had stopped their work and were gossiping instead.

"I promise I won't do anything. It's just talking. Bros helping out bros. Just doing my job," Blaine sighed and looked back to his colleague who was trying to get Carl on his feet.

This was weird. Why would Blaine take him to a hotel room and feed him drinks if it wasn't to get into his pants? But then again, he seemed so much different than he had at the parties. He was calm and understanding, sweet and patient.

"Fine. One drink. And you keep your hands to yourself," Kurt finally agreed, mentally kicking himself for what he was doing. But it was true; he was really shaken about this.

"Deal. Meet me here in 30 minutes. Ask for B. Anderson," Blaine said, the corners of his mouth twitching lightly as he turned around to grasp a post-it from the desk and scribbled down an address on the green piece of paper. He folded it up and handed it to Kurt before he squeezed his arm gently and hurried to help his colleague get Carl out of the door.

There Kurt was; left alone with the address of a hotel in his hand and nothing but his haunting memories of his dad's heart-attack crippling down his spine.

**xXx**

It was the same hotel they had went to the first time they hooked up. The time after Sam's bachelor-party. Kurt had been hazy and blurry that night, both when they arrived and when he left, but he remembered the rug and the wallpaper in the reception. He walked into the lobby and back out again three times before he took a deep breath and actually walked up to the receptionist, asking for B. Anderson as told.

"I can't believe I'm actually doing this," Kurt whispered to himself as he stepped into the elevator and pressed the button he needed.

When he finally arrived at the room he was directed to, he stood staring at the door for ten minutes, fumbling his fingers around his pockets and chewing on his lower lip before he got himself together and knocked on the green wood.

"Hey. You came. I was starting to worry that you wouldn't," Blaine said when he opened the door.

He wasn't in his uniform anymore. He was wearing a mint green shirt with a blue sweater vest over and a pair of dark green chinos. It was strange to see him not wearing a suit – or dressed in a ridiculous costume. Not that it had seemed any more normal to see him in his paramedic uniform, but that was professional. This was so chill and relaxed.

"Yeah. I – I almost didn't," Kurt admitted nervously and followed as Blaine led the way into the room.

It was a small room with a bed, a dresser, an armchair by the window and a nightstand on each side of the bed. On the dresser two glasses and a line of whiskey and wine was lined up.

"I didn't know what you wanted, so I just brought some different. We can order something else if you don't like it," Blaine said and gestured for Kurt to sit on the bed.

Kurt turned around himself, looking around the room and then sat down. He crossed his legs and returned to chewing on his lower lip as Blaine went for the drinks.

"No, that's okay. I'll just... have whatever you have there," he stammered.

Blaine poured two glasses of whiskey and came to sit on the bed next to Kurt. He looked at him and clinked his glass against Kurt's before taking a mouthful. Kurt looked a bit at the amber liquid in his glass before he downed it all.

"I uhm – do you take all your – patients – to hotel rooms to get them drunk?" Kurt asked, noticing his voice was a bit light, showing off his nerves way too much.

"You're not my patient. And no... I don't. I am not trying to get you drunk. I just figured you could use a drink. You seemed like you were going to pass out back there," Blaine said.

"I guess. I was pretty startled. It's just... everyone just has a really good connection with Carl. He's sort of our extra dad," Kurt shrugged, doing his best to seem relaxed and cool about it. He could take one more drink and then he could go home.

"Yeah, everyone were shocked there. But you seemed... more. Like something was triggered for you. Are you sure you're okay?" Blaine asked, leaning a little forward with his eyes locked on Kurt's face.

Kurt looked to the floor. The rug in the room wasn't the same as the one in the lobby. This one was soft and gray, thick and reminded him of the fur on a cuddly animal.

"I – yeah. It's just – when I was a teenager my dad had a heart-attack. It just brought back some bad memories. It's no big deal," he said, shrugging again. He wasn't going to lay down his entire life story for this stranger just because he was handing him a drink.

"I see. That's tough," Blaine said and looked into his glass. He emptied it and got up. He took both bottles with him back to the bed. He poured more whiskey into both of their glasses and let the bottles lie on the mattress behind them.

They sat in silence for a while, both staring around the room or into their glass. They both snuck glances at each other, but whenever they were caught by the other they hurried to look away.

"So – how do you know Sam?" Blaine asked, obviously just trying to make conversation.

"We went to high school together. He went to some snobby all boys school, but then he transferred to McKinley his sophomore year. How about you?" Kurt said.

"We went to grade school together – and then later we both went to some snobby all boys high school," Blaine grinned, not a trace of being offended in his voice.

"Oh... I – sorry," Kurt said sheepishly.

"That's alright. We did seem pretty snobby to outsiders," Blaine laughed, and Kurt couldn't help noticing that his cheeks went for his eyes whenever he smiled.

"Is your dad alright?" Blaine suddenly asked.

That was pretty out of nowhere.

"Yeah. He's fine. He got over it. He was in a coma for a few days, and after that he went through some intense observation and recovery. But he got alright after," Kurt said, remembering the long hours of sitting in the hospital chair holding his dad's hand while he was unconscious, the struggle to get him to eat healthier and the fear that was constantly hanging over his head for so long.

"That's good. I'm glad," Blaine smiled.

"Your boss is gonna be okay, too. He just needs to relax. When we brought him back to the hospital it sounded like he is just really stressed out. Like he needs some time time off. Don't worry about it," Blaine assured him and reached over to squeeze Kurt's wrist tenderly, but pulled his hand back again.

"Thank you. It was just – really sudden. I just got scared, that's all," Kurt replied, and accepted an understanding smile from Blaine.

They returned to silence. Kurt hated silence. But for some reason it wasn't so bad when he was with Blaine. It felt nice to sit with someone without having to talk or think. It was calming and Kurt found that Blaine's assurance that Carl would be alright actually helped him relax. He wasn't worried anymore.

"Can I ask you something?" Blaine suddenly said. Both of their glasses were empty, now sitting on the floor in front of their feet.

At first Kurt was about to say no. He couldn't know what Blaine would want to know from him. He was a stranger after all, and Kurt was still unsure of why he had even come there. Still, he found himself nodding after a minute of looking at Blaine staring intently at him.

"How long have you known?"

"Known what?" Kurt asked, oblivious to what it was Blaine was asking.

"That you're gay."

"Oh no. No. We're not doing that again. I'm not gay," Kurt said firmly. He couldn't believe it. He was actually starting to like the guy, and they were talking without having their tongues tickling each other's tonsils, yet the dude was back to poking into this subject again. The one subject in the world that Kurt wanted to avoid more than anything.

"I guess you don't know it yet, then -" Blaine just said. This time he wasn't pressuring him. He was going to leave it alone. And here Kurt had ran around thinking he was an insensitive dick who was just trying to ruin his life.

Blaine fell back on the bed, staring up to the ceiling. He pushed the bottles towards the pillows, making sure they wouldn't hit his head if he moved. After a little while Kurt fell down to lie next to him.

The ceiling was perfectly white, only interrupted by the lamp hanging in the middle of the room. He shuffled to lie on his side, doing his best to not look at Blaine who was still lying on his back. The door to the bathroom was closed and had a boring brown color. Like the wood had been lying in water for too long.

"I never kissed a guy before. Before... you know. You," Kurt suddenly whispered.

His voice was nearly inaudible. He had no idea why he said that. It was true. But why would he even say something like that?

Blaine turned to lie on his side as well. He rested his head on his elbow, his free arm resting against his chest. His hands looked like he really took care of them. They looked soft and his nails looked like he had them regularly manicured. It wasn't the hands of a man who worked with his hands a lot.

"That's okay. I didn't kiss a guy until I was 14," Blaine said.

"How did you know? That you're... gay," Kurt asked. The word was burning on his tongue. He was so used to only saying it when he was stating that he definitely wasn't.

"I just knew. I always knew. When I watched a movie I would rather kiss the guy than I would kiss the girl. Even when I was little and watched cartoons – I wanted to be with the prince, not the princess. It was the same in school. Women are beautiful, but guys are just... I can't really explain it. It just feels right to be with a guy. That bubbly feeling other guys get when they kiss their girlfriends, that's how I feel when I kiss a guy – if it's a guy I like, of course," Blaine told openly.

This really was a guy who knew who he was and wasn't ashamed to tell about it.

What curled up to a ball in Kurt's throat was that he knew that feeling well. The only problem was that it wasn't how he felt when he kissed Marley.

"Do you have a – boyfriend?"

"No. I had. But we broke up around a year ago," Blaine said.

"I'm sorry. Were you together for a long time?" Kurt asked, feeling like he was intruding into the stranger's personal life, but somehow he couldn't stop himself. He was curious.

"It's okay. I'm over him. I've been for a while now. We were together for three years. We just grew apart," Blaine shrugged, and luckily he didn't seem upset about it. Apparently he really was over that guy.

Kurt thought about that for a while. That guys dated guys and they didn't feel like they had to hide or be embarrassed about themselves. It didn't seem like Blaine had any other feelings about himself and his relationships than straight people had. He actually seemed more like he didn't even think about the fact that he was gay.

"Can I – can I kiss you? I never kissed a guy sober before," Kurt heard himself say and clasped his hand in front of his mouth.

Where did that come from? He was not supposed to ask stuff like that!

His cheeks went ablaze and he squeezed his lips shut. Maybe he was lucky, and Blaine hadn't heard. Which was a stupid thought, because he was lying right next to him. Of course he had heard.

Before Kurt knew it Blaine was lying right in front of him. He let his hand over to remove Kurt's from his mouth (_His hand is so soft!_) with his eyes staring directly into Kurt's. Within a heartbeat Blaine had leaned closer to press his mouth onto Kurt's.

It wasn't anything like the times they had been drunk and horny, when they had rutted against each other and lust was the only thing that mattered. This was gentle and tender. There was that bubbly feeling Marley never had been able to give him.

Kurt found himself moving closer. He sucked Blaine's mouth closer to his own and allowed himself to really feel the full lips working over his own. His stomach twirled and his brain fogged over. Blaine moved closer, letting his hand run to Kurt's jaw with his thumb running over his cheek. His fingers were in one time strong and rough, but somehow still soft and gentle.

But no. This couldn't happen. Not again. He had to stop before it got out of hand. This time he wasn't even tipsy, he had no excuse. He had just let this man kiss him.

"No. No, I can't do this. It's not me. It's just been – bi-curious events. I'm not gay. I have... I have two kids, and a wife, and... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here," Kurt blabbered desperately out and fumbled to get off the bed.

He rushed his coat on and Blaine was right behind him, looking concerned.

"It's okay. It's fine. I don't... I don't expect anything from you. If you're just bi-curious then just let it out of your system so you can return to your life with your wife. But – don't lock your true self away forever," Blaine said, looking at Kurt with big, wary eyes.

"It's not – I have to go. Thank you for... everything, I guess. But I really don't think we should see each other again. Can we just – please not mention it to anyone?" Kurt said, not even snapping, but pleading for Blaine to not tell anyone that they had met each other there. It would only complicate everything way too much.

"Of course. Of course. But – here. Take this," Blaine said and rushed to the dresser to scribble something down on the notepad with the hotel logo on the top. He handed it to Kurt with a vague smile.

"It's my number. I promise I won't do anything. I just – you have a lot to deal with, and I just thought that if you want someone to talk to, so you won't be alone with it all, you can just call me. Don't worry about time or anything. My work hours are crazy anyway," Blaine said and brushed his thumb over Kurt's before he pulled his hand away.

"Thank you, but... I don't think that's a good idea. I just wanna put this behind me. I feel so sick with myself and I can't... I can't do anymore to Marley. Thank you but just... I hope you'll do fine."

"Just... please promise me you won't throw it out. Even if you don't call me, it might be good for you to have it. I just want you to be okay, Kurt. And right now you aren't," Blaine sighed.

"Goodbye, Blaine," Kurt said with a vague smile and turned around.

As he walked down the hall he shoved the piece of paper into his pocket and promised himself to throw it out the minute he got near a trashcan. This was a piece of his life he didn't want any memories of at all. It needed to disappear, be gone for good. He had to go back to keeping his secret locked away, or some day it would hurt everyone he loved. It was the only right thing for him to do.

**xXx**

The next few weeks Kurt did his best to put his family first. He took Marley out for romantic dinners and stayed home to work there so he could spend time with Milo instead of taking him to kindergarten. He went to Lily's dance lessons with her, and helped her with all her homework.

Evenings were spent on the couch wrapped up around the kids until they had to go to bed, and then he curled his arms around Marley, letting her pepper sweet kisses over his neck.

It was nice, but he felt empty. Like something was missing. When he woke up in the morning he had a tough time getting out of bed, looking for another reason than he had an article to finish or that the kids needed to be taken to school and kindergarten.

He visited Carl in the hospital, and when he was out he visited him at home, bringing him gifts and cards with well-wishes from the office. He went to lunch with Quinn, well knowing that she could feel that he wasn't doing great, but she never mentioned anything.

Thanksgiving was right around the corner and Kurt kept telling himself that he just needed to get there alive. After that everything would be okay.

They switched between having Thanksgiving with Marley's family and with Kurt's family. This year they would all be going to Kurt's family, and the morning after Marley would be taking the kids to visit her family in Ohio over the weekend. Usually Kurt would join them, but this year he had to stay home to take care of some work because he had taken over a load of Carl's chores after he had to turn in sick for unknown time.

That meant Kurt would be allowed a weekend to himself where he could get himself back on track and allow himself to spend all of December preparing for Christmas with his family.

Still, when he was lying in bed at night and couldn't sleep he was often interrupted by the thought of a rough, but gentle hand on his cheek. Full lips against his – and a bubbling feeling spreading inside of him.


	5. Struck By Lightning

It was Thursday morning and Kurt was lying in bed, listening to Marley scramble around in the bathroom. Since the kids had spent the night at Finn's house they hadn't been busy to get up and work around breakfast and kids for once. They had slept in and stayed in bed chatting until Marley declared that she would go for a shower.

Now he heard the door to the bathroom open and watched as she tiptoed over the soft carpet of their bedroom floor. She had a towel wrapped around her and drops of water was still clinging to her smooth, slender legs. Her hair was waving down her shoulders and a smile was spread over her face.

"Hey. If you're gonna shower shouldn't you get your clothes off?" She smiled with a spark in her eyes.

Before Kurt could do anything Marley had pulled away the comforter and was straddling him. She let her towel fall open, showing off her naked body, as she leaned down and pressed a kiss to his mouth.

Kurt had no idea what to do about himself. He wasn't used to Marley being so sexually forward when she hadn't been drinking beforehand, she was way too shy for that, but over the past few years – after they had kids – she was getting more daring whenever they had the house free. This was awkward as could be for Kurt. Being drunk made a lot of things easier for him when it came to sexual relations with his wife.

"I think you should get your clothes off," she cooed. She grabbed his hand and led it up her soft thigh and Kurt took a deep breath.

_Dark, brown eyes. Big, soft hands. Hard, heavy cock. Firm ass. Dark hair on thighs. Images were rolling around Kurt's brain. Not to mention memories of touches – and kisses._

He could feel her; open and moist through his cotton pajama pants. Her hard nipples on firm breasts rubbing against his chest through his t-shirt. Her petite frame wrapped around him.

"Honey, you're so... wow," Kurt stuttered out, his brain hyperventilating.

"But we have to be at my dad and Carole's house in an hour," he huffed out, cursing himself away for rejecting her again. He never wanted her to ever feel unwanted.

"Ugh, always so full of sense. That's no fun," she pouted and looked at the digital clock on his nightstand.

"I'm sorry," he apologized thickly, allowing his thumb to caress over her thigh. Her skin was still a little moist from her shower, and she was so warm under his palm.

"That's okay. Without your sense of reason we would never make anything on time," she admitted. She pressed one more kiss to his lips, deliberately rutting her crotch down onto his and rolled off him. Her action did nothing to make him feel anything in his pants. He definitely was the worst husband in the world.

Kurt leaned over to kiss her, caressing his fingertips over the tender skin of her belly before he smiled and got to his feet. The moment he was safely hidden in the bathroom he had to stop himself from not banging his head into the wall.

**xXx**

It was nice to be back in his dad's house. It always was. It wasn't the house he had grown up in, but it still felt like home and memories of his childhood and youth were safe to be found in the furniture, pictures and elements of the home. Visiting his dad was like taking his family on a travel back in time. The feeling was only enhanced when Finn was there and they talked about their days of high school. One more thing that made Kurt happy that he had chosen to marry Marley – she was a part of his youth, a part of the reason he was the person he was.

Now they were all seated around the table, ready for dinner. One of Kurt's favorite parts of Thanksgiving had arrived and he was eagerly listening to his family talk about the things they were thankful for in their lives. Until it was Marley's turn and his stomach turned to ice.

"I am thankful for my beautiful kids, even though they are devilish monkeys – and I am thankful for my loving, faithful husband," she grinned and squeezed Kurt's hand on the table between them.

She proceeded listing what she was thankful for, but Kurt didn't listen. All sounds were blurring together, like he was sitting under water. All he really heard was her words repeated "_my loving, faithful husband_". His throat tied up and his eyes started flickering around the room. He couldn't think straight. He felt sick.

"It's your turn, dad -" Lily said and pinched his arm, roughly dragging him back to reality.

"Oh. Yes. Yeah. I uhm – I'm thankful for all of you guys. My family, my brats and the best wife in the world," he stuttered weakly, doing his best to let his voice show how much he meant it, but it felt like an impossible task. He had no business addressing his family in this relation after what he had done.

After how long he had been lying to them all.

No one seemed to pay any notice to Kurt's half-hearted approach to his thanksgivings. They got through dinner and dessert without problems, everyone in good mood and without accidents in the form of spilled wine or smashed glasses. After cleaning the table they all went to the living room for coffee where the kids were clinging to their parents as the adults chatted.

Throughout the entire evening Kurt felt dizzy. He felt hot and tired. Milo was in his lap, fallen asleep against his chest and Marley was resting her head against his shoulder. He wasn't sure what the others were discussing; he had tuned out, doing his best to keep his brain from moving towards themes he didn't want to open. Especially not while he was in the middle of an evening with his family.

It became too much. Whenever he thought he had the prickling feeling of self-hatred at bay, a new image of an electrifying smile and shiny dark eyes popped into his head. It was getting late and he carefully shuffled Milo down to lie on the couch so he could seek for the garden door.

The cool winter air was relieving to his headache. The first breeze blowing in his face was sharp, but as soon as he got used to it he found that it was soothing. He sat down on the loveseat on the porch, looking over the garden. Over the summer he and Finn had helped his dad put up a swing-set for the kids, and Kurt remembered how excited all the kids had been about it. It was also the summer where Lily had started experimenting with two wheels on her bike.

"Hey babe. Are you alright?" Marley asked, surprising him when she sat down next to him. She shuffled close to him and accepted when he put an arm around her shoulders. She was shivering in the cold, but the warmth from the inside was still oozing from her.

"Just a little tired," he shrugged.

"Are you sure? You've been so – silent, and distant all night. You aren't overworking yourself with Carl's workload, are you?" She asked and nuzzled her nose against his neck.

"No. It's fine. I'll be fine, I promise." He kissed her hair and pulled her a little closer. He bit his cheek, doing his best to not scream from the gnawing in his chest, the pain that was rolling around inside of him.

"Good. I still wish you could go with us tomorrow, though. My mom is so sad you won't be there," Marley said and yawned into the sleeve of her coat. Her hair smelled like a spring day and memories of their life together. Every event that bound them together.

"I wish I could go with you, too. But I have to take this for Carl. Maybe I can get done early and I will fly out to you Saturday, alright?" He looked down at their hands with their fingers intertwined. Their wedding rings were perfectly slotting in next to each other. He didn't deserve to wear that ring. He had to look away.

They stayed on the loveseat for a little while. Kurt didn't dare move away, he was scared that if he looked at her face he would break down. He felt like he was suffocating, and the way his breath was white as it left his mouth and showed for him it seemed like a symbol of how he felt. No matter how much he tried to get the bad feeling to leave his body it kept being there.

When it was too cold to stay outside they went back in. They had another cup of coffee with the family before they picked up the sleeping kids and got them into their coats. They hugged and kissed everyone goodnight and went back home. Kurt would be driving Marley and the kids to the airport around noon the next day and after that he would go to the office to work.

"I know I say it every year, that I am thankful for you, but I really mean it. You're the best thing that has happened to me," Marley whispered when they were covered by the darkness of their bedroom. She tightened her grip around his waist and took a deep breath.

"Me too, babe. Me too," Kurt said silently, running his fingers through her long hair that was falling down her back.

He squeezed his arms around her and kissed the top of her head, a clear sign that he was falling asleep. Yet, in reality he was trying to ignore the feeling of a ball of shame and guilt that was growing in his throat. He had just started to think he could live with the secret, but now he wasn't so sure anymore.

_If I can get through this weekend, I can easily get through it all_, he promised himself and drew a sigh before going to sleep.

**xXx**

It had taken Kurt half an hour to pull himself out of bed. He felt awful. He hadn't slept much, and when he had, his sleep had been interrupted by dreams of strong arms holding around him and masculine hands running around his body, his own hands feeling around toned abs and pecs, making him wake up with a painful erection and tears down his cheeks.

The entire morning he stayed silent, packed the kids' bags alone in their rooms, and the drive to the airport he let Marley chat away about work and her family and friends. Kurt was starting to think that if he opened his mouth all that would come out was vomit.

"Just call me if you need anything. I love you, Kurt -" Marley cooed as she pulled Kurt into her arms.

They had just pulled the bags out of the car and he was now saying goodbye to his family as they were about to go to their gate. He held Marley close and kissed her as deeply as he could without falling down and cry.

"I love you too. Have a safe flight," he said weakly. He kissed her one last time and crouched down to pull Lily and Milo into his arms.

"Take care of mom while you're away. I love you guys," he said and clenched them tight into his chest, kissing their cheeks and letting the sound of their giggles print itself into his brain.

"We love you too, dad. Have fun," Lily said and pecked his lips before she twisted herself out of his arms and picked up her backpack.

"I love you, dad. I'll miss you," Milo said teary-eyed. Separation from his parents had never been his strongest trait, and whenever he knew he would be away from one or both of them for more than a few hours he would cry and be miserable. It broke Kurt's heart every time.

"I'll miss you too. But mom is going with you. And you can call me to say goodnight," he assured the boy, suppressing a strong urge to scoop him into his arms and simply take him home.

"We'll call dad tonight before we go to bed. And maybe dad will come tomorrow. We'll only be away for a few days, Milo -" Marley assured the boy and stroke a hand over his hair.

Kurt squeezed the boy tight one more time, assuring him that he loved him and kissed his temple before he got to his feet and let Marley pick up their crying son. They exchanged one last peck and Kurt watched as his family disappeared through the airport full of people.

**xXx**

The office building was dark. No one was at work. No wonder considering it was the day after Thanksgiving. Everyone were at home with their family and friends, or going crazy over Black Friday shopping. Kurt on the other hand was sitting in his car in the parking house, staring into the concrete wall in front of his windshield. His head felt like it was about to explode and his throat was sore from screaming on the top of his lungs.

How was he supposed to go in there and work like everything was normal? Like everything was good and fine, perfect as always. How was he supposed to pretend that he was the same person when he had changed so drastically?

Without care or thought he stumbled out of his car. He locked it up and wiped the tears off his cheeks, then he shoved his hands into his pockets and walked out of the parking house, into the crowded Manhattan streets. It was only around 1pm, but the streets were packed with shoppers and families, business folks not caring about holidays and babysitters with kids and dogs unwilling to cooperate.

The bar wasn't as filled as on regular days. Or maybe it was just because it was the afternoon rather than the evening or night. Kurt found a spot by a table in the corner of the bar. He ordered a drink, and it was quickly followed by the next. He wasn't crying anymore, he had forced his tears to stop when he had left the parking house and the freezing cold in the streets served as a stopper whenever they were about to return.

His head was swimming. He knew he shouldn't be drinking but go to the office. That was why he hadn't gone with Marley and the kids to Ohio. Once again he had lied to her. The shadows of the bar were good for him to hide from any curious looks, but the shadows in his brain was floating around, filling his entire body and judging him for what he had done.

He had been living his entire life on a lie. This beautiful, incredible woman loved him to death, they shared two amazing kids and had a life behind them, a life in front of them. He had a wonderful family who all loved him and supported him in everything he did – but it was all a lie. None of those people knew him, knew who he was, knew his lies or what he had done to them. How he had thrown stones at their crystal house.

"Hey, I don't think you should drink anymore. Let me call you a cab," a waitress said as she came to Kurt's table.

He couldn't go back. He couldn't go to the office, he was completely unable to work in his alcoholic haze, but he couldn't go home either – home to their house. He had nowhere to go.

After a few deep breaths, struggling to keep the tears and screams back he pulled out his wallet to pay. As he was fumbling with the plastic cards a little note fell out and landed on the table in front of him, only just missing a drop of vodka he had spilled.

The paper was folded up and he almost tore it apart when he unfolded it to figure out what it was. At the top the name of a hotel and a logo was printed, under it a neat handwriting had formed out a name and a number.

"Hello. I – I'm not sure why I'm calling you. But uhm... can you meet me at the hotel? I don't know what to do," Kurt stammered thickly into his phone, not sure why he was even doing it. Why would he pull such a stupid stunt? And right now when it was the last thing he needed.

"_Are you drunk? No, of course. I'll be there in a minute, I'm right nearby. Just – take a cab. Don't drive yourself._"

Kurt hung up. He hurried to the bar to give the bartender his card. It only took him a moment to be back in the streets where a cab pulled up to the curb right next to him. Before he knew it he was in the elevator of the hotel, headed for the room mentioned in the text he had received a few minutes before.

He didn't knock. He simply swung open the door, relieved to see a well-known face waiting for him, sitting on the bed. He didn't even get his coat off before he stumbled across the floor and fell into Blaine's arms.

"I'm gay. I'm gay. I don't know what to do. I am gay, and I – I've been lying to everyone," Kurt cried into his shoulder, tears and snot running down his face as he dug his fingers into Blaine's soft sweater.

Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt, soothing a hand softly around his back. He cooed comforting sounds into his ear and let him cry until his limbs felt like jello.

"Hey. Easy, easy. Just – come here. Take it easy," Blaine said softly and guided Kurt over to sit on the bed. He brushed a hand down Kurt's arm, waiting for him to get his sobs under control.

"I'm gay! I don't... I – I can't – I have a wife. I have two kids! I've been lying to everyone my entire life. I can't deal with this," Kurt cried, feeling the fat drops roll down his face, not even caring to wipe them away because there was no point; they would be back in no time anyway.

"Kurt – you need to breathe. Just take it easy, and breathe. I know it's a lot for you, but you have to -" Blaine started but was stopped.

Kurt had pressed his face against Blaine's, attacked him with his mouth. Kurt was kissing him sloppily, his lips sliding around, wet from tears and saliva from his crying. He had no idea what he was doing, he just needed to see if it really could be true – if he couldn't just chase it away.

"Kurt, no. No – you really don't need this right now. You're drunk, and... look at yourself; you're miserable," Blaine said sympathetically. He lightly pushed Kurt away with soft hands on his shoulders. He tilted his head and those brown eyes that had been haunting Kurt for over a month were now piercing into Kurt's swollen eyes.

"I'm sorry. I – I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called you. I just didn't know what to do," Kurt cried, his hands falling to his lap. Another sob fell over his lips and he dissolved back into uncontrollable sobbing.

"Yes. Yes, you should. You have no one else to call. I know that – it wasn't exactly good for you what we did, but... right now you have to not think about that. We aren't really friends... but for now just see me as a friend. The only friend you have who can be there for you, because it seems to me that you have never told anyone about this. Allow yourself to be upset. I promise that I won't do anything," Blaine stated, looking at Kurt and patiently waiting for him to get a grip of himself.

"Here. Now you will get rid off your coat and your scarf. And your shoes. Then you will lie down and relax so you can get that alcohol out of your system. You can't deal with anything in that state," Blaine smiled and started helping Kurt off with his coat and scarf.

He was limp and dizzy, sure that if he tried to stand up he would fall and crack his skull open on the table by the window. In his current state he was considering whether that would be a better option than sleeping his bender out and go back to his life.

He sat on the edge of the bed and watched as Blaine folded his coat and scarf neatly over the armrest of a chair, his eyes blurry and swimming. Kurt toed off his shoes and allowed Blaine to help him lie down. As soon as he was situated on the pillows Blaine took off his sweater and put it over Kurt's torso before he started walking towards the chair.

"Wait – are you leaving? You can't..." Kurt groaned thickly, amazed by how warm the sweater was over him.

"No. I just... I just thought I would go sit on the chair and wait for you to feel better. I didn't think it would be too appropriate for me to -"

"Will you lie with me? Please?" Kurt asked, not really sure why, but all too far away too care.

Blaine stopped in his tracks. He looked surprised, taken aback by the request. He scratched up his arm, his biceps very pronounced under the blue FDNY t-shirt. He looked unsure, his eyes flickering uncertain around the room for a moment before he slowly walked towards the bed.

"Okay. Alright," he agreed and crawled onto the bed.

He lay a little from Kurt, as if he was scared to do something wrong. At this point Kurt didn't care much about anything, so he shuffled clumsily over the bed and put his arm around Blaine's waist so he could bury his face against his chest, the crying back to claiming his brain and eyes.

Gently Blaine returned to running his hands over his back, cooing comforting sounds in his ear and promising him that they would figure it out as soon as he was sober again.

Kurt knew that what he was doing was wrong. He shouldn't be in a hotel room, lying in the arms of a stranger – a man – while Marley thought he was at work. He shouldn't be drunk and he shouldn't be crying like a child. He should find a way to deal with the consequences of his mistakes like a man.

However, what struck him hardest in the moment was how safe he felt with Blaine's arms around him. How right it felt to be cuddled by big, strong arms instead of being the one to cuddle up around a petite, feminine frame.

He was a horrible human being and there was nothing he could do about it.

**xXx**

When Kurt slowly came to his senses his head was throbbing. It was a wonder that he never learned to lay off vodka, it ended the same way every time. His head would feel like one of Puck's motorcycles were parked on top of it, and his body would be sore and restless.

He shifted a little on the bed, his toes cold. He had probably kicked off the comforter in his sleep. When he was drunk he would be all over the bed in his sleep, so it wouldn't be the first time.

That was when he noticed. He wasn't in his own bed; the smell and feeling of the fabrics were different and strange. He wasn't covered by a comforter, but lying on top of it. Wrapped around his torso was a soft, white sweater that smelled like perfume, car soap and coffee. Serving as his pillow was a firm chest under his head, and his hand was resting on a warm belly covered by soft cotton.

Bit by bit reality returned to Kurt; what he had done, where he was – _who_ he was with.

He was back to feeling like he was going to throw up. He awkwardly fumbled himself to sit up, not looking at Blaine next to him. He hid his face in his hands... and started hyperventilating.

He couldn't breathe and dark spots were dancing in front of his eyes. Tears were back to rolling down his face and his lungs were hurting from not knowing whether to pull in air or throw it out. Within a second Blaine was sitting up next to him, his hands on Kurt's shoulders.

"Shhh – take it easy. Focus on your breathing. It's gonna be okay," he whispered and soothed his hands up and down Kurt's arms, underlining his own breathing to get Kurt to follow.

It took a moment before Kurt was back to breathing normally. His head was light and the hands on his shoulders were the only thing to keep him sitting up on the bed, but at least he wasn't suspecting to faint anytime soon.

"That's it. Deep, slow breaths. That's good. Are you better now?" Blaine asked calmly and ran a hand down Kurt's back before letting both hands to his own lap.

"No. No. How could I ever be okay? I have ruined everything! My family's lives, my life, everything – I have ruined everything!" Kurt cried, constantly reminding himself to breathe.

"Of course you haven't... Listen, I know this is a huge chunk to chew right now, but you are gay. And for you to face that is good. It will be tough and hard and extreme to deal with right now, but as soon as the shock has settled you will be able to see it with completely clear eyes," Blaine explained indifferently.

"What have you told your wife? About where you are right now?" Blaine asked, clearly doing his best to get Kurt's thoughts somewhere else.

"She's... I took her to the airport at noon. She's taken the kids to her mom's place in Ohio," Kurt cried and wiped his face off tears.

"You came out to her already?" His eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his skull and his mouth fell open in shock.

"What? No – no! Of course I didn't! I could never do that to her. No... we switch between our parents for Thanksgiving each year. This year we were at my dad's so we were going to her family for the weekend. But since I've had to take over Carl's workload after he got sick I was supposed to stay here and work, and now I haven't been doing my work, and -" Kurt blabbered out, losing his breath again as he raised the pace of his words.

"Good. That's good. You can... just take your time coming to terms with this and then figure out what to do," Blaine said. He moved to sit back against the headboard of the bed and Kurt followed.

"So – are you gonna tell me what happened? Why you broke down like that?"

Kurt took a moment, thinking back to the night before. How they had been going fine with no problems, how he was slowly easing himself back to normal, and then it had hit him.

"It was Thanksgiving last night," he croaked, his throat rasp from crying and hyperventilating.

"I am aware," Blaine smiled. A line like that would usually have ticked off Kurt – but for some reason it didn't. The corners of his mouth twitched, but he returned to what he was saying.

"We were at my dad's house. The whole family was there, Finn with his family – everyone. And then Marley... she just – we were coming with our thanksgivings and..." he trailed off. He couldn't get the words over his lips.

"I see. That's not too good. I'm sorry you had to go through that. If it's any consolation I feel sort of bad about – everything. Now that I sort of know you. And your wife," Blaine said and let his head rest against the headboard, looking at Kurt with those big, dark penetrating eyes.

"Thank you. I guess. I just can't grasp it. I'm sorry, it's... it's nothing personal. I'm just sitting here talking about how terrible it is that I – have been with you. But it's not like that. It's just -" Kurt rushed out again, when he realized that all he had done was talk about how awful it was that he had slept with Blaine.

"Kurt, don't worry about it. I know what this is about. I mean – I hope you didn't think it was _that_ bad, if the circumstances had been different. But I know it's not about me," Blaine said, smiling with a spark in his eye.

"Well, you weren't _that_ horrible. Not that I have anything to compare it to," Kurt chuckled awkwardly. He couldn't believe that he was sitting in a hotel room with a guy. A guy he had had sex with. Three times. Talking about said sex. No tension, just talking.

Blaine laughed and bumped his shoulder against Kurt's. It almost felt like they had known each other for years. Like Blaine hadn't been a guy Kurt had done his best to avoid and forget the existence of for over a month. It was comfortable.

"So – what are you gonna do?" Blaine suddenly asked, shooting Kurt a careful glance.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean – what are you gonna do about your life? Are you just gonna... stay in the closet and continue like nothing has changed? Or will you tell your family and friends?" Blaine asked, his words like war drums in Kurt's ears.

"I can't tell them. I just... I know it's wrong to lie to them, but – I can't stop thinking about how much it will hurt them all," Kurt sighed heavily. He was scared, so incredibly scared.

"You don't have to excuse yourself to me. I understand. I've seen a lot of guys being in the closet because they didn't know how to handle coming out," Blaine assured him.

It was nice. Kurt's head was still feeling like he was constantly banging it against a wall and his muscles still felt like they were twisting and turning under his skin – but it was nice to be with Blaine. Now he was happy that he had called him. There was no one else Kurt knew who would be able to understand what he was going through.

"I've always known. I was lying to you, too. I – just kept postponing telling anyone," Kurt told, shrugging. It was a major relief to finally speak the words out loud, even though it was one of the hardest things he had done in his life.

"Why did you postpone it if you've always known?" Blaine asked and turned to his side, resting his head on his arm, earnestly interested.

"Because... I was scared. My mom died when I was little, and my dad is such a... man-man. And he was alone with me, and he had so much to deal with. Then I sort of started considering telling him, but he married this lovely lady who had a son – he was so homophobic. And I... I had a crush on him. He changed though. Finn is one of my best friends now. He's much more tolerant and open. But then I considered it again when I was 16, but then my dad got into politics. I couldn't ruin his chances of doing something good by coming out at such an important time in his life. And then I met Marley, and she told me she liked me and – it was so mean of me, but it was so easy to just... she was my best friend, she made me feel good and I made her feel good. It seemed like the best solution," Kurt told, tears back to itching his eyes.

He had never thought he would tell anyone about it. About how he had been hiding his whole life, lying and scamming to keep people from finding out who really was.

"It all just seem so hopeless right now," Kurt cried, squeezing his lips shut to stop himself before he returned to sobbing.

"I know. I know it does. But I promise you it will be better," Blaine cooed and put his arm around Kurt to drag him into a hug.

Kurt didn't stop him. He was in such need for closeness that the arms of the man who had kicked the snowball into rolling seemed good enough.

"If you want me to I will support you through it all. I won't go anywhere," Blaine cooed into his ear, and it was like his voice crept under Kurt's skin.

It felt good to hear Blaine make his promises, even though Kurt had no idea what was going to happen. It was like the world was lifted off his shoulders now that he was able to speak freely about all those thoughts that had been floating around his brain for his entire life.

As Kurt let himself melt into Blaine's embrace it was like the atmosphere changed. Maybe he was still drunk and hadn't noticed? Maybe he had lost all sense completely. No matter what, Kurt would never have thought himself to do what he did.

He pulled a little back and put his mouth to Blaine's. He ran a hand up his neck and down his shoulder to feel the neat muscles hidden under the cotton of his t-shirt.

"No, Kurt. Listen, I can't – you're so upset. You don't wanna do this," Blaine mumbled as he dragged away from Kurt. It was impossible to detect whether he was glad to have an excuse or if he was sad to say the words, but to Kurt it didn't matter much.

"Yes. I do. I just... wanna know how it feels like. To be with someone without being drunk," Kurt said lowly. He was so close to this man who had previously shown interest in him, and right now Kurt just needed to feel that the life-change he had recently allowed himself to face was real and not just a hysterical reaction to the pressure he had been under.

"Just kiss me," he willed, lunging his face back to Blaine's.

And Blaine gave in. He folded his arms back around Kurt's torso and kissed him back, his lips moving softly and his tongue gentle as Kurt found it with his own.

Kurt could feel himself go hard in his pants. He pressed his body closer to Blaine's, craving to feel him more and more by the second.

Before Kurt knew it he was frantically unbuttoning his own shirt, his lips not leaving Blaine's whilst doing so. As soon as he was sure his shirt was open all the way down he grabbed around the hem of Blaine's t-shirt and started pulling it upwards, but once again Blaine backed away.

"Come on, don't stop now," Kurt whispered and pressed himself back, his bare nipples stiff against Blaine's hard chest.

"Kurt, I can't do this. Not when you're feeling like this. I don't wanna take advantage of your misery," Blaine said sympathetically and ran a hand down Kurt's cheek. The touch didn't do much good for his erection.

"You're not. I want this. I can't stop thinking about you," Kurt did his best to assure him and let his hands find way under Blaine's t-shirt. The skin on his hips were warm and smooth, and Blaine twitched lightly by his touch.

His eyes were piercing into Kurt's, like he was looking for a sign of which direction would be the right to take this. To Kurt's satisfaction Blaine rushed his hands to Kurt's shirt, dragging it off and let Kurt pull off his t-shirt, their mouths now back to moving against each other.

"I've been thinking about you all the time. I wanna feel you inside me. I wanna know what it's like," Kurt groaned into a kiss when he started fumbling with Blaine's belt buckle.

This time Blaine didn't stop him. He helped getting rid off their clothes, letting it fall to the floor and lifted the comforter so they could disappear under it.

Kurt felt hard as a rock as his cock bopped against his stomach. Blaine was on his side next to him, naked too, and Kurt wanted to reach out to feel his naked member in his hand, but he didn't dare to. This was already so much, and what if Blaine didn't want him to touch him?

"You want me to top?" Blaine whispered sultry and moved so close to Kurt that their naked bodies were clasped against each other.

Kurt gasped. He couldn't help it. He had never felt a naked man against him before. Never felt another cock against his own. He could feel himself blush and he started sweating. Suddenly it was very hot under the comforter.

With a firm hand Blaine took a handful of Kurt's ass cheek, massaging his thumb against the flesh, before he let his hand slide down to Kurt's thigh. He caressed softly over Kurt's skin, and led his leg up to lie on Blaine's hip.

"You want to feel me inside of you?" Blaine asked, his hand caressing back and forth over Kurt's thigh. Gentle strokes and his eyes intensely locked on Kurt's.

"Yes, please. I need it," Kurt confirmed, his need mirrored in his voice. He could almost feel the need in his ass, filling him up with nothing but aching. His left hand was running down Blaine's chest, feeling how pronounced his muscles were.

"Okay. Let me get lube and a condom. Don't move," Blaine ordered and put Kurt's leg back where he had found it.

He scrambled to his other side, reaching to the floor where he fumbled around. Kurt was holding his breath, blocking out reality so he could let himself stay in the moment: for the first time in his life he was going to feel a man's cock inside of him.

He gulped. If he pretended that he wasn't scared it would be a lie. He had fantasized about it since he was a teenager and his hormones started running wild, since he first found gay porn and experimented with himself when he was home alone. It had always just been a fantasy he had pushed away – but now it was going to happen. Right here, in the middle of a hotel room with a stranger he had already fucked three times.

"This may hurt a bit, but it's gonna be fine. If you just relax it'll take the sting off," Blaine cooed when he returned with two silver packages. He ran his hand down Kurt's arm, making every nerve inside of Kurt tingle and a tickling form in the back of his throat.

"Okay. Just... just do it," Kurt groaned and dug his fingernails into Blaine's biceps.

A grin filled Blaine's face before he feinted Kurt on his back. He slid a hand from Kurt's ribs, over his hip and down to his thigh where he spread his legs gingerly. Carefully Blaine moved between his legs and was on his knees. With a soft hand he helped Kurt's leg to bend, his foot safely on the mattress.

"I'm gonna open you. Just... take a deep breath. Stop me if it's too much," Blaine said, his eyes weirdly comforting to Kurt.

His balls were aching and his lungs wanted to hyperventilate, but his brain wouldn't allow them. The fingers on his one hand was crunching so hard into the mattress he was suspecting that he would be breaking the sheets, his other hand was by his head; opening and closing nervously around nothing. With his teeth he grabbed his lower lip and nodded.

Blaine nodded back and opened the pack of lube in his hand. Kurt could hear the slick sound as Blaine moved his fingers around to warm it up. Out of nowhere Kurt felt the wet slickness between his cheeks as Blaine's fingers were sliding down, a hand pulling his one cheek to the side.

"Oh... oh..." Kurt gasped in surprise. It was cold, but not as cold as he had feared. It was strange to feel Blaine's fingers there compared to his own.

He had often fantasized about one day coaxing Marley into fingering him during sex, but he had never dared asking. She was so pure and sober, even during sex, that he didn't even dare imagining how she would react. It had also been ages since he had done it to himself. When he was a teenager he had done it a lot, but later he had settled for jerking off and only fingered himself every now and then. When he moved in with Marley he had completely stopped. All masturbating was kept to jerking off in the shower, and that was mostly when he was alone. However, those times were often accompanied by thoughts of faceless men and what he would do to them.

With careful movements Blaine started circling his hole with one finger. Kurt's ass tensed, regardless of how much he tried to relax. The feeling of Blaine's free hand caressing up and down his thigh only served to run directly to his dick where he was sure he would go up in flames if something didn't happen soon.

Then it happened. Blaine's finger was slowly sliding into his hole while Blaine had his eyes locked on Kurt's. For some reason Kurt felt watched, but he didn't mind. It was a comfort to know that Blaine was so observant of how he was taking this.

The feeling of another man's finger inside him was so much different from his own. The push-in was slow and careful, almost too slow and careful, while Kurt still wished that they didn't have to do this so they could just get right to it.

With easy movements Blaine started moving his finger in and out, every now and then crooking and moving to the sides. The tip of his finger was brushing over all of his walls and Kurt could feel sweat starting to prickle out on his forehead.

"More... please, more," Kurt grunted under his breath.

For a moment Blaine stopped all moving, taking in the sight of Kurt's face as if to check if it was the right thing to move on, but then he slowly moved his finger out and pushed two back in.

"Oh... god!" Kurt huffed out.

That was a lot. Blaine's fingers were strong and thick inside of him, moving with care and concern, and somehow the way Blaine was watching him while pumping his fingers in and out of him made the moment feel sensual and intimate.

It took a little longer before Kurt asked for another finger, but this time Blaine obliged almost immediately. His cock was pressed against the back of Kurt's thigh and Kurt could feel that his hips were itching to rut against his leg, the pre-come warm and wet over his naked skin.

"I can't... in me... now -" Kurt demanded.

It was almost impossible for him to lie still. The feeling of Blaine's fingers working him open, his muscles tightening around the digits, his own heavy breathing – he needed more, he needed something bigger, he needed Blaine closer.

"Are you – sure? I can... little more," Blaine assured him, but his own breathing was stuttering.

"No. No. Just – now!" Kurt snarled, too horny to discuss security or logic.

Blaine looked at little startled by the force in Kurt's words, but he quickly shook himself out of it and returned to the task.

With torturous slow motions Blaine let his fingers exit Kurt, leaving him open and on display. He felt empty, too open and shown. As Blaine was sitting between his legs, back on his haunches and fumbling to open the condom, Kurt almost didn't look at him. He had always shied away from any sort of contact when he was close to other naked men, like in the locker room in school. He didn't want to be caught staring.

Now he could stare all he wanted. He could look down there and take in the sight of Blaine in all of his naked glory, with his hand on his cock eagerly waiting to make contact with Kurt's own body. Not wearing a thing, and Kurt waiting for him to come back against his own exposed nudity.

Kurt couldn't decide whether it was way too fast or way too slow, but suddenly Blaine was resting his one hand next to Kurt's head, and his other hand was somewhere between their oh-so-close bodies. He pushed a little closer and the blunt feeling of his head was pressing against Kurt's entrance.

"Yes. Yes," Kurt whispered, not sure if it was mostly to himself or to Blaine.

This was it; _a man was going to push his cock into his body._

"Are you ready?" Blaine asked, stopping mid-motion with eyes oozing from his skull into Kurt's and spreading in his veins, making his brain buzz.

"Yes. Come on!" Kurt demanded desperately. He was so close, he couldn't back out now.

"Alright. Just checking," Blaine muttered and let his eyes travel down Kurt's body to where his hand was locked around his cock. Slowly he started letting his hips forward, pushing into Kurt.

Everything inside of Kurt was on fire by that. He had felt so open before, but now that Blaine's head was sliding into his hole he felt like he hadn't been stretched enough. His breath hitched and he could feel sweat prickling out on his forehead. Out of his mind he clasped his hand to Blaine's elbow, locking it tightly around the bone and muscle.

"Okay?" Blaine asked, not really stopping but not really moving either.

Kurt nodded frantically, scared that Blaine would pull out if he thought the slightest thing to be off with how Kurt was taking it. Blaine was debating, Kurt could see it in his eyes, so he took a deep breath and moved his ass further down the bed, feeling Blaine go a little deeper, making Blaine express a little grunt.

"Okay. Okay. Let me just..." he huffed out and released his hand from his cock to let it drift to the other side of Kurt's head.

Now he was hovering right above Kurt, their faces aligned with each other and Blaine's strong arms on either side of his head. He could just turn his head and kiss or lick or bite the masculinity surrounding him.

Blaine was staring down at him, his mouth slightly ajar and a drop of spit pooled on his tongue. Slowly he started pushing his shaft inside and Kurt's eyes widened.

He could feel everything of the way Blaine was moving into him. The way his head was slightly bigger than his shaft and the way his hole closed safely around it with every in-push he did. Kurt's breathing sped up, and his nails dug into Blaine's skin. It stung, it burned, but it wasn't uncomfortable.

It felt good. It felt_ right_.

With sweat-smeared face and harsh breathing Blaine reached his goal and was deep in Kurt, all the way in as far as he could go. It was a battle of wonders for Kurt to not just clench as hard as he could, but he managed to stay calm, focusing on his breathing and closing his eyes to take in the reality of the situation.

"Are you – okay?" Blaine asked, his voice low and trembling. Kurt had no doubt that he wasn't up for talking, but needed to let loose. The fact that he was willing to hold back, to take Kurt's well-being into consideration that way made Kurt slide his hands up Blaine's arms to lock his arms around his neck, pulling him down so Blaine could rest on his forearms.

"Need it. Need it now," Kurt whined into his ear and allowed the scent of Blaine's perfume and gel and sweat fill his nostrils.

As Blaine moved his hips backwards Kurt closed his eyes. Without his eyesight interrupting the feelings and smells between the two men became intensified. As Blaine was dragging himself slowly halfway out of Kurt, goosebumps spread around Kurt's body, leaving his nipples taut and needy as they were pressed against Blaine's chest.

Little by little Blaine started a careful rhythm of in-out-in-out. Kurt let both his legs up to make it easier for Blaine to work into him. He let his palms slide over the top of Blaine's back, feeling the muscles of his shoulder blades work with every push in and every drag out.

With every movement Blaine did Kurt could feel his flaming dick rub over the man's abdomens. His balls were pressed against Blaine's stomach and he felt like everything inside him was drumming.

The feeling of Blaine's strong thighs against his own was so hot it was nearly itching. He strengthened his grip around his neck before letting his right hand slide down, feeling his triceps and down to grab at his ass.

"Oh god. Don't stop," Kurt moaned as he could feel the friction of Blaine's cock against his inner walls.

"I won't. I won't... - fuck! So good!" Blaine groaned as he worked himself deeper, harder, into Kurt.

Blaine rested all his weight on his one arm so he could let his other hand slide over Kurt's shoulder and down his arm. He let it drift further down to caress Kurt's chest, flicking a nipple on the way as he continued down his ribs. All Kurt's hair was on ends, he had chills running down his spine and when Blaine grabbed his thigh a whimper escaped his lips.

Kurt's insides were on fire. His abdomens were flexing and the heavy breathing Blaine's lips brushed into his ear and hair made his eyes roll back in their sockets. He couldn't believe that it was finally happening, that he was so lucky to be lying there; pressed down by another man's heavy body, another man's heat enveloping him with sweat and muscles and a trail of hair under his bellybutton to rut over Kurt's screaming cock.

"Oh shit. I can't... so good," he heard himself grunt as he dug his fingernails into Blaine's skin.

To his satisfaction Blaine grabbed a little harder around his thigh, and thrust a little deeper, hitting him just right in the way that made Kurt arch his neck, having his head swamp deeper into the pillow. Warmth was whirling around in his lower stomach, filling his crotch with heat that sent shivers around the rest of his body.

"More. Please... I'm so close," Kurt whined, throat clogging up, tears prickling behind his eyes, but he fought them back.

With a quick, grunting motion Blaine moved to lift his right side a little off Kurt and had his hand between their bodies. He took a firm grip around Kurt's shaft, making his cock nearly scream in need as Blaine started swiping with unsteady motions the rhythm of his hips.

"Come... just – come," Blaine groaned as he swiped his thumb up over Kurt's head, pre-come and sweat mixing as Blaine continued pumping his erection.

Kurt's fingers were scraping down Blaine's back, sure to leave marks, when he felt all blood leave his head and rush through his veins towards his crotch. Blaine's hand around his shaft was like fire as his sac were closing in on explosion. It only took him a few seconds to fall over the edge and bury his face in Blaine's neck to strangle a howl of pleasure as dancing stars filled his vision, empowered by the white-hot ropes spurting over his stomach and chest.

"Oh fuck. Fuck! That's so hot," Blaine chanted, biting down on Kurt's shoulder.

Quickly his hand released Kurt's cock and drifted up to lock around Kurt's shoulder. With his other hand he grabbed Kurt's arm and sped up the moving of his hips. Kurt was clenching his hole around Blaine's thrusting dick and he could feel Blaine's balls slamming against his ass, but all he did was keep his face hidden against his neck.

With Kurt's nails digging into the skin on Blaine's back he came with a growl. Kurt could feel his hips losing rhythm, pumping erratically against his ass, not to mention Blaine's teeth biting harder into his shoulder.

"Holy... hell -" Blaine groaned as he step by step released the flexing in his muscles and fell lax in his entire body.

He was heavy on top of Kurt. Like he had been asleep. But to Kurt's surprise he was mindlessly brushing his thumb over Kurt's shoulder.

After a moment of silence, of no moving from either of them, Blaine turned his head lightly and pressed a sloppy kiss to Kurt's neck. He eased himself up, his forehead against Kurt's shoulder, and held the condom to his root as he pulled out. Then he carefully moved to lie down next to Kurt and got them condom off, tying it up and throwing it away.

Kurt didn't look at him. He kept his eyes shut, but could feel all the movements, knowing the drill that followed after sex. He had no idea what to do next and he felt like his body was in shock or asleep.

The mattress moved a little and Kurt could feel that Blaine had got up. He snuck an eye open and watched as he walked to the bathroom, his entire body naked and exposed for Kurt to see all muscles and flesh and tan skin. When Blaine didn't close the door after him Kurt hurried to close his eyes again, still unsure of what his next move should be.

He was startled as a soft, wet washcloth was wiped over his chest and stomach. He opened his eyes to find Blaine cleaning the come off his torso with a smile before he left to put it back in the bathroom. When he returned he lay back down under the comforter, keeping a little distance.

"So – is this where you panic and run off as always?" Blaine asked when he had been watching Kurt for a while, observing him. His voice was different. It sounded soft and innocent. Not at all like the voice that had just expressed an animalistic growl of ecstasy into Kurt's ear moments ago.

"What? No. No, I... no," Kurt stammered. He had to take a moment to figure out what Blaine meant, but then it hit him. Whenever they had done this before it had only been minutes from their climax to Kurt had stormed out of the room.

"No. I can stay a little longer. If that's okay," he said insecurely when it hit him.

He had just called Blaine out of the blue and it hadn't taken Blaine anymore than twenty to thirty minutes to arrive at the hotel. He had to have just dropped everything he had so he could run to Kurt's rescue.

"Oh god. I'm so sorry. Do you have somewhere you need to be? Did I interrupt something when I called you? God, I am so stupid..." Kurt rushed out and clasped a hand over his eyes.

"No. It's cool. I was just at the fire station with some of the guys. It's fine. You needed someone to lean on so I came. Don't worry about it," Blaine assured him and shuffled a little closer, but not close enough to touch.

"I'm so sorry. I'm such a jackass. I just..." Kurt trailed off. The tears were back and this time he couldn't fight them. He had screwed up again. Sobbing.

"Hey. What's wrong? I thought we just agreed for you to take it easy, and not overthink anything. That you'll give yourself some time to think things through," Blaine cooed and then he was so close that Kurt could feel his soft member against his thigh.

Blaine removed Kurt's hand from his eyes and placed it on the comforter on his chest. He stroke his thumb over the back of Kurt's hand a few times before he retreated to let his hand rest on his own side.

"I'm just... I guess I'm just overwhelmed. I never thought I'd... get to do – that. And it's just..." Kurt thrust out between sobs and turned to lie on his side, curling up.

"I know it's overwhelming. You need to give yourself time or this will eat you up. But you'll be okay. I know you will," Blaine smiled and let the tip of his index finger meet Kurt's over the comforter. And Kurt smiled from his touch.

"Thank you. For everything," he said, voice rasp and throat thick.

"It's cool. I told you I'm not going anywhere as long as you want me to stick around," Blaine said with a sympathetic smile.

Kurt took a deep breath and chewed on his lower lip. Without knowing why he chuckled and made himself more comfortable in the bed. Now that he had a little clearer head he noticed that the bedding was cozy and the comforter felt like being covered in melted marshmallows.

"How's your hangover?" Blaine asked, this time with a grin and a teasing spark in his eyes.

"Better. I think it helped to... sleep," Kurt choked out.

"Good. I'll get you to drink something as soon as I'll have the energy to get up," Blaine laughed and turned to lie on his back, looking like he belonged there; in a bed with this guy who wasn't his friend but not a stranger anymore either.

Kurt closed his eyes and sniffed in the scent of sex and man that was filling the bed. The smell of hotel sheets was almost covered completely up, and Kurt found that he enjoyed being surrounded by the smell of Blaine – of course it was just the fact that it was the scent of man, but it was comfortable.

He was just starting to feel like he could take another nap when something started vibrating. He looked to Blaine who shook his head in answer to the unspoken question. Kurt flew to sit up and fumbled for his pants on the floor. He grabbed out his phone and looked at the screen. Marley.

Fuck!

He had completely forgot about the time. He should have checked for messages. It was hours since they had parted in the airport and the flight to Ohio was short. She would surely have texted him when they were safely arrived at her mom's house and now she was worried because he hadn't replied.

He checked the watch on his phone. 7.15 – it was much later than he had expected. With a nervous finger he pressed the button and answered.

"_Hey handsome. Caught up in work?_" Marley asked as he picked up.

"Hey babe. No, I – I didn't feel well so I... I went home instead. Took a nap. But I'm better now," he rushed the words out, scared she would hear how his voice was trembling with nerves.

"_Aww, I'm sorry. But as long as you're better. I just wanted to check that you weren't working yourself to death,_" she cooed into the phone.

Kurt closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Wishing for strength.

"I'm fine. I'll be fine. I'll just get started early tomorrow instead," he assured her.

"How was the trip?"

"_It was fine. My mom says hi. Both monkeys fell asleep right after dinner so they won't call you tonight. I got them straight to bed,_" Marley told and Kurt could hear in her voice that she was smiling that soft smile that always made him feel like home.

"Oh... okay. Will you kiss them goodnight for me?" He asked, not sure he was happy or sad that he wouldn't hear their voices tonight.

"_Of course. I just wish I could kiss you goodnight,_" she said and sighed. He knew that sigh; she missed him.

"Me too," he rushed to say.

He missed her too. A lot. He missed being able to tell her everything that was going on in his life. He missed being able to hug her and kiss her without feeling guilty. He missed the time he didn't feel sick about himself when she was sweet as always.

"I uhm... I have to go. I need to – fix some things, before bed," Kurt said awkwardly, hating himself for it. He didn't know what to tell her. But he couldn't just sit there talking to her like nothing had happened while he was naked in bed with another man – also naked.

"_Okay. I'm exhausted too. Just... text me when you go to bed. I miss you,_" she said, pouty voice.

"Yeah. I will. I miss you too."

"_I love you, Kurt._"

"Love you too."

And he hurried to hang up. Guilt fussing back in over him, like the dam had broken. He stared at the phone in his hand, the picture of his kids laughing back at him. He didn't look at Blaine. He couldn't. Not now.

"Don't beat yourself up. You didn't have anything else to tell her right now. It's not really my place to tell you to lie back down, or to get up and go home. But... no matter what you want I will stay here with you if you don't feel like being alone right now. I can put clothes on if you want. But..."

He paused and put a hand on Kurt's, and Kurt looked to his side to meet his eyes.

"...this doesn't make you a bad person. This makes you a confused, scared person who doesn't know what to do with your life right now. And that's okay," Blaine crooned.

Tears strolled down Kurt's face. He sniffed and fell back down to lie on his side, clenching the pillow in his arms. He was so sick of crying. He never used to cry, but now it felt like it was all he did.

"Come 'ere," Blaine cooed and put his arms around Kurt, letting him cry out into his chest.

Blaine didn't say anything. He didn't ask any questions or told Kurt that things would be okay. He didn't tell him to calm down or take it easy. He kept his arms around his shoulders and stroke his hair and back every now and then until Kurt felt dehydrated. Until he had no more tears to cry.

He moved a little away from Blaine. Not entirely out of his embrace, but enough to make sure their naked, heated bodies weren't clasped completely against each other.

"So I guess we're sort of friends now," Kurt croaked, trying to shrug, but it only made a twitch run through his shoulder.

"I guess you could say that. I'd like that," Blaine smiled with a vague nod in agreement.

"I just... it's really nothing personal. But I – could we not tell anything to anyone. That we like... have talked and met up and stuff? I just can't deal with the questions right now, and I... I'm really scared someone will started putting the pieces together, and -" Kurt started, but Blaine cut him off.

"It's fine. I don't take it personally. We'll keep it between us. We didn't accidentally run into each other before, and I'm sure we won't now. Nothing to worry about. Just... put my number in your contacts. So you'll be sure to not need someone to talk to again and you'll have lost my number. This is not a battle to fight on your own," Blaine assured him.

"Thank you. I'm sorry I've been such a bitch to you," Kurt apologized, slightly ashamed of the way he had talked to Blaine previously.

"Nah, I was a bit out of line myself, so I guess we're even," he chuckled. His eyes were deep and warm, diamonds sparkling around his corneas matching his bright smile making Kurt forget to be embarrassed.

"Yeah. I guess we are," he said, feeling a little short-breathed.


	6. How To Succeed

**A/N:** _Lately I've received some "complaints" that I don't make the guys use lube, which is unrealistic. I can assure you that I am very much aware of that, but I guess I just forget to actually write it because I see it as something they just do automatically. So what I am saying is that in my head they are always using lube, but I simply forget to actually write it because I guess people just take that as a given. I am sorry for that and I have taken your comments to heart and will remember to weigh the lube a little "heavier" in the future. Thank you so much for all amazing comments I've been given. I am very sorry for the delay, I have had a very rough time which have killed my muse for a while. But I should be back now._

* * *

It wasn't supposed to go like this. In all honesty.

The next time Kurt called Blaine it was just to talk. He had spent his afternoon taking Lily to her dance rehearsal for a performance her class would be doing for a Christmas party at the dance studio. He had watched her with pride and clapped enthusiastically, even when she messed up her steps a bit. After that they had met up with Marley who had brought Milo into town so they could all have dinner together. Then Marley had taken the kids home so Kurt could visit Carl with an update of how things were going at the office.

Carl had asked if he was okay, saying that he seemed off, and somehow Kurt ended up in his car with his head throbbing and a strong need to scream until his voice disappeared. So he called Blaine. Hoping for an ear to unload to, needing someone to listen and understand.

That wasn't the way things went at all.

Kurt had bottomed again. On his hands and knees, this time. Begging Blaine to fuck him harder and faster – deeper and rougher. At first he had been nervous, like the last time. Remembering how big Blaine had felt inside of him, how he – for a moment – had feared he would split open. But when he felt Blaine's fingers prepping him he knew that he wanted it, needed it.

There was nothing close to emotional contact this time – no foreplay, no kisses or tender touching. It wasn't a pity-fuck, and it wasn't a depression-fuck. Kurt had just needed it. Not asked, but told Blaine that he needed him to fuck him. Blaine had seemed uncertain, but served his duty to A+.

The next time he didn't even ask Blaine if he could stop by the hotel for a talk. He simply texted him that if Blaine was free Kurt would go to the hotel. This time they didn't waste any time and were naked ten minutes after the arrival of both of them. Kurt was back on hands and knees with Blaine pounding into him.

It didn't take many fucks like that before Kurt found out that bottoming definitely was his favorite. He loved the feeling of submitting completely to the way Blaine took him hard. Blaine's hands on his hips and pressing his back down, pressing his chest onto the bedspread, his panting and growling when he was close to ejaculating – all of it was so damn hot, and Kurt couldn't help the ecstasy rolling through his body from the feeling how much of a man Blaine was.

Kurt still felt sick with himself, guilty for going behind Marley's back. By now he had started to force himself to shut down that part of himself whenever he snuck away to his and Blaine's hotel room. Sometimes he still had breakdowns of hysteric sobbing and self-hatred in the car on his way home, whenever he had seen Blaine he couldn't look Marley in the eyes and tucking in the kids at night had him overly emotional. But he had faced that he couldn't suppress this part of himself anymore. He had denied himself for too long, hidden away behind a facade of a person he would never be.

He needed this. To keep himself sane. Now that he had opened the door he couldn't just close it again. He had tried. The first few times he kept telling himself to not see Blaine again – but he needed it too much. This wasn't because he had feelings for Blaine, he simply needed to be able to have this need filled and Marley could never do that.

Now they were both covered in a strong layer of sweat, splayed out on the hotel bed, way too hot to want to bother with putting on the comforter. They were panting, heaving for air, and Kurt's ass was throbbing from being used.

This was the fourth time they had sex after Thanksgiving. They weren't cuddling. They never did. They didn't even lie close. This was simply bros helping out bros, as Blaine so articulately had phrased it over and over again with that little chuckle he did so often when talking to Kurt.

"Shit. I feel so drained. How the hell am I supposed to have sex with my wife tomorrow?" Kurt complained heavily, his eyes sneaking to close.

"You could just not have sex with her? Use the old headache excuse," Blaine groaned and struggled to lie on his side so he could curl up around his pillow. The sweat was shimmering over his forehead and his eyes were a clear amber in the light from the lamps on the nightstand.

"Can't. Christmas party at the office. Same old story. We get drunk, we have sex. It's always been that way, because... yeah, it's been easier when I was drunk," Kurt shrugged, his tongue suddenly feeling rasp. He sounded like a complete asshole saying stuff like that.

"I see. And you worry you'll have trouble getting it up?" Blaine asked, not mocking or even raising an eyebrow. Simple interest.

Kurt bit his lower lip nervously. He hated how much he always had to struggle to force on an erection whenever he was going to be with Marley. She was so beautiful and incredible – but she just didn't do it for him, no matter how much he wished for it to be that way.

"I better get home," Kurt sighed and got up off the bed. He pulled on his underwear and picked his button-down up from the floor. As soon as he had his clothes back on he went to the bathroom to wash his hands and fix his hair. When he returned to the room Blaine was pulling on his cardigan over his t-shirt, sending Kurt a grin when he saw him enter the room.

"I have an idea. Keep your phone on and close tomorrow night then," Blaine smirked.

"What? I have to keep it up tomorrow. I can't just sneak out for a fuck and then go home to have sex with Marley," Kurt huffed out as he closed his coat.

"Of course not. Just keep it close, right? See you later," Blaine ended with a smile, winking at Kurt as he left the room.

What the hell did he think he was doing?

**xXx**

It was the typical office Christmas party. A fancy dinner followed by dancing and chatting, circulating between colleagues and their spouses. As much as Kurt loved his work and his colleagues it was enough to a bad case of migraine to spend an entire night pretending to be the happy couple.

Of course it was easy enough to hold his arm around Marley, holding her hand and smile at her whenever she smiled at him. She would always take his breath away with how stunning she looked, especially dressed up on a night like this. The real problem was when people were excited about how "perfect a couple they were" and "how impressive their relationship was".

That was when Kurt really wanted to go drown himself in the toilet.

He was currently holding Marley's hand while they were chatting to Quinn. The girls were laughing and having fun while Kurt stuck to mostly nodding and laughing at all the right times so he wouldn't have to actually go into the conversation. He crammed his beer close, knowing he would need the alcohol more than he wanted to admit, but after an entire evening of alcohol and small-talk he was finally starting to feel it. He was just starting to wonder if he should start going for the stronger beverages when his phone vibrated in his pocket.

At first he ignored it, but then he remembered what Blaine had said the previous day; that he should keep his phone close. He glanced to the girls who were lost in their talk so Kurt thought that he could easily sneak a little away to see if it was Blaine texting him.

He found an empty chair where he sat down and found out his phone. He almost didn't have the nerves to press the button to turn on the light on the screen. What if Blaine had sent him some kind of obscene photo of some creepy guy? Or what if Blaine had sent him some kind of obscene photo of himself? He was just the type to do stuff like that.

_He's probably got professional photos of him in compromising positions_, Kurt thought with a slight snort. He took a deep breath and pressed the button.

It wasn't a photo. It was a text.

**Blaine: **"I'm gonna get you warmed up for drunk-time with the wife. Don't freak out, just go with it. Maybe you can even get yourself so drunk you won't need it."

**Kurt: **"Get me warmed up? What are you talking about?"

**Blaine:** "You know – like, when I'm working you open. When your clothes is on the floor and you've got your ass in the air for me."

**Blaine: **"When I get you moaning and you're holding onto the sheets."

**Blaine:** "When I push my fingers into your ass and you're just taking it."

Kurt panicked and shoved the phone back in his pocket. His face was positively ablaze. He could feel Blaine's words creeping up his skin, making him sweat. With a flustered breath he found his phone back out. To find a new text waiting for him.

**Blaine:** "When you tighten around my fingers I get crazy because I just want my dick in you already."

**Kurt: **"You can't just text me stuff like that."

**Blaine:** "Why not? You like it. I bet you're hard right now?"

This was too much. It was too weird. He had never in his life sent those kind of texts to anyone before, and he had never had anyone sent him texts like that. He looked around himself, hoping he could make sure no one was staring at him. When he found that everyone was busy he got to his feet and walked towards Carl's office. He knew it wasn't fair play, but he went to his bathroom and locked the door.

**Blaine: **"Did you die on me?"

**Blaine:** "I have a fantasy I wanna tell you about..."

Kurt rested his forehead against the cool tiles of the bathroom. He forced his breathing to calm down, closed his eyes and hoped that he could avoid a panic attack.

**Kurt:** "Tell me, then..."

**Blaine:** "Yesss"

**Blaine:** "Every time I have you naked, or whenever I think about you naked, I can't stop wondering how you taste"

**Blaine:** "I just want your dick in my mouth. Taste it and feel it. So fucking big and heavy."

Kurt sat down on the toilet. His legs couldn't keep him up any longer. The thought of Blaine's long, fat tongue licking up his shaft, Blaine's full wet lips locked around his erection, himself fucking into Blaine's mouth and coming all over his face – it was way too much.

The soft cotton of his boxers felt like a flaming prison, and the zipper of his slacks was cutting roughly against his hardening cock. Marley was out there; dancing and having fun with their friends, thinking Kurt was somewhere else doing the same – but there he was; sitting on his boss' toilet, palming himself through his pants.

**Kurt: **"Please do"

He nearly dropped his phone from the surprise over actually sending that. He had just agreed to getting a blow job from a guy.

No. No, this wasn't just any guy. This was Blaine. He still wasn't all used to actually acting on his lust for other men, but it helped to remember that he wasn't sleeping around with just anyone. To remind himself that he stuck to the same guy was a relief because at least he wasn't a slut.

**Blaine: **"I'm gonna suck you so hard you won't be able to feel your legs."

**Blaine:** "I'm gonna take you down my throat and suck until you just come in my mouth."

God he was good with words. Kurt could feel the pre-come leaving stenches on his underwear, his crotch on fire. It was painful.

**Blaine:** "And I'll put my fingers in your ass. Press all the places I know will make you go insane."

That was it!

If this had to work he needed to get Marley and go home. He was hard as a rock and his head was spinning. He couldn't decide if it was all the wine and beers he had over the evening, or if it was Blaine's words and the fantasies that started taking over his brain.

**Blaine:** "Or I could just lick your ass open for me. Find out how you taste inside."

With a growl Kurt tumbled out of the bathroom with his phone in hand. He rushed out of the office, only stopping to text Blaine back.

**Kurt:** "If you don't stop now I'm gonna come in my pants."

**Blaine:** "I knew you liked it. Just think of me fucking you hard when you get to it. I'll award you with a blow next week."

Kurt could not be held responsible for the whimper that fell from his mouth. He rushed to the bar and got himself a beer that he drank in almost one go.

**Kurt:** "You better."

**Blaine:** "I'll look forward to that. Go get her, Mr. Straight Man."

He hurried through the crowded office building, smiling awkwardly at colleagues and significant others. It took him a bit, but when he finally found Marley she was checking her phone – probably to see if there were any news on the kids.

It wasn't something he had ever done before, but with the images Blaine had painted him running around in the back of his head Kurt was frisky. He grabbed her wrist and twisted her around so he could press his mouth onto his wife's. At first she was stunned in surprise but easily loosened up and slipped her arms around her husband's neck, allowing herself into the kiss.

"Let's go home," Kurt grinned, holding her a little closer.

It didn't take long before Marley blushed and smiled broadly from the feeling of Kurt's pelvis pressed against hers, the light dress not doing anything to cover up exactly why he was ready to leave the party even if it was early.

"Someone's in a good mood," Marley giggled and bit down on his lower lip before backing away.

"I'll go get our coats. You call a cab and we can sneak out," she smiled innocently and placed a last peck on his mouth before she turned on her heel and headed out to get their coats.

Kurt felt a little sick with himself but as soon as he got off the phone with the cab company he scrolled back through his conversation with Blaine. Or what was more: Blaine's obscure words about what he liked to do to Kurt's body, and what he wanted to do to him later.

They managed to get out without being held back by too many people. The cab ride home was silent, but Marley kept sneaking her hands up his thigh and he tried his best to reciprocate, while still focusing on what Blaine had told him to.

The cool December night wind was biting into his face when he paid the cab and followed Marley to the front door. He was swaying on his feet as they locked the door behind them and got their coats off. He could hardly stand up anymore, and he knew that if he was even capable of performing anything tonight it would be brief and sloppy.

Not that it would be anything new. With Marley it was always like that. It made it easier to deal with when he barely could make out her face and the elegant hourglass-shape of her feminine body.

"Come on, Kurt. I want you so much right now," she mumbled into a kiss as they tumbled into the bedroom. She had already dragged his shirt out of his pants and was currently fumbling with the buttons. She had dumped his tie on the dresser by the door and Kurt was sure that if she could she would be grinding against him.

"Yes. Yes... let me just..."

He moved his hands around for a moment before he found the zipper on the back of her dress. It was quickly undone and Marley had it shimmied down around her frame before hanging it over the foot of the bed.

In a quick motion she had the decoration pillows and bedspread pushed to the floor. She was now wearing nothing but her underwear and Kurt tried his best to keep his eyes closed as she sat on the bed and started working his pants open.

She was unbelievably fast and before Kurt could do anything he was in his underwear as well. His dick had gone soft from the cab ride and all the kissing, so when he followed his wife under the comforter he closed his eyes to recall everything Blaine had texted him.

Their kissing turned steadily sloppier and Marley's hands were running wild around his body. She had her bra and panties off before she started pulling down his underwear, and with a heavy breath he allowed his naked frame to press against hers.

_Fuck. Fuck. I need to get to it now. What did he say?_ Kurt thought to himself.

As he let his hand slide from her hip and down her ass he remembered the feeling of Blaine's muscled ass with the soft curves over the cheeks. He reminded himself of the feeling of Blaine's hard dick pressed against his skin. As he felt her wetness he pretended it was Blaine's pre-come, hot and salty smearing over him.

There was no time for foreplay. Not if he wanted to actually go through with this before giving up again. He pushed Marley to her back, earning a giggle through the dark, before he crawled between her legs.

Her thighs were way too smooth, and he tried to recall the feeling of Blaine's thighs against his palm. He missed the feeling of coarse hair under his palm and bit his cheek in a hope to distract himself. Marley handed him a condom from the nightstand and he had it on with shaky hands.

_Just think of last week. Or yesterday. Blaine's cock. Yeah, his chest is wide and flat. His hands are always so strong. He almost bruise my arms when he's turning me around_, Kurt thought as he pushed into his wife and fell to support on his forearms.

She was tight, but not tight enough. He remembered how it had felt the few times he had topped with Blaine and it was so strange and different. He was squeezing his eyes hard shut, struggling to keep going, pumping his hips furiously to make sure he didn't lose it. He fought hard to block out the cute whimpering noises and moans Marley gave, doing his best to mentally replace them with Blaine's harsh grunts and groans.

"Oh god..." Marley whined into his hair, her arms around him and her nails scraping down his back.

_Just come. Just come, dammit!_ Kurt ordered himself, promising himself that he would take Blaine up on his offer on a blow job as soon as possible.

That was it! Back to the vision of Blaine on his knees in front of him. Blaine's full, pink lips sliding down around his cock; wet and glistening. He imagined how hot and sucking the feeling of his cock in Blaine's mouth would be, maybe he would even suck his balls into his mouth. He hoped Blaine would moan while he did it, and as promised push a finger into his ass and work it around in all the right places that made Kurt's knees go weak.

"Oh shit!" Kurt groaned as the fantasy pushed all blood towards his crotch.

With the thought of how he would look down on Blaine as he let his load shoot over the pretty face Kurt felt himself get close. He visualized how the white liquid would slide in streams down Blaine's tan skin, drop from his chin. Right as he got to the part of imagining how Blaine would look licking his lips with that seductive smile he did Kurt's abdomens tensed and he filled the condom violently to a distant muffled whine from Marley.

He couldn't breathe. Her hair was in his face and he was biting down on the pillow. He was sweating and felt disgusting. Now she would want to curl up and cuddle, naked and close – and Kurt would feel like the worst husband in the world.

He wanted to cry. Instead he rushed to get up right as she started to run her fingers through his hair. He rolled off of her and got to his feet. He tied up the condom and hurried to the bathroom where he threw it in the bin, avoiding the mirror as he washed up. For a moment he sat on the toilet, face in hands and tears battling to escape, but he managed to hold them back.

After a few minutes he tiptoed back into the bedroom and dove under the comforter. Marley folded her arms around him, still naked, but he could hear in her hushed breathing that she was already asleep and he appreciated it. Instead of returning her embrace he stayed still, paralyzed in her arms and staring up in the dark ceiling above them.

**xXx**

The afternoon was going slow. Blaine had just left work after a 20 hour shift and he was really looking forward to go home, shower and get some of Tina's cooking before he went to sleep for days. It was freezing outside and when the snow every now and then decided to drop by it fell like soft cotton balls to cover his black peacoat.

The moment he was back in the apartment he texted Tina that he was home and rushed to the shower. He knew that if he sat down he would never be able to get himself off the couch and he wouldn't manage to drag his ass to shower before dinner or bed.

Getting to scrub off the feeling of work and the sweat from running to and from the ambulance, rushing people to the hospital and performing CPR on strangers set invisible marks on his body and he always felt like a new person after washing them off. Like a fresh person.

"Hey. You look smashed," Tina chirped as he dashed into the kitchen.

Blaine sat on a kitchen chair and rested his head on his arms lying across the dining table. He watched as she shuffled around the kitchen, clinging with pots and chopping vegetables. He let out a heavy sigh and reminded his eyes that he couldn't fall asleep yet. Luckily the scent of heating food reached his nostrils and stirred his stomach brightly awake, showing him that he couldn't possibly go to sleep without getting something to eat first.

"Yeah. Long shift. Same old. But we had a kid falling from a tree. He broke his leg, and not in a pretty way," Blaine told as he sat straight and rubbed his palms over his face.

"Sounds painful," she said with a grimace.

They continued to chat about work while she finished their supper. She told about a patient of hers that she had to send to surgery and Blaine told about how he had helped a man who had gone into adrenaline-shock after a crash on his bike.

When they were done eating they cleaned the table together and went to the living room to fall on the couch and watch some random TV. There wasn't much interesting on so they settled for some talent show with mediocre singing voices and emotional judges.

"I was thinking... did you ever consider cutting down on work and maybe go out to meet some people who aren't, you know, paramedics or firefighters or doctors? Gay guys, perhaps," Tina asked when some dating show started.

"What? Nah, I'm cool," Blaine shrugged and made himself more comfortable in his end of the couch.

"I just figured it's been a long time, Blaine. I don't want to see you end up being the guy who's married to his work," Tina said and turned to lie on her back so she could look at him instead of the TV.

"Don't you miss having a boyfriend?" She asked.

She wasn't trying to push him, she wasn't intruding. She was simply worried about him, and he knew it. She had been for a long time. It was quite a while since he and his ex had gone their separate ways and he had turned to work instead, thinking that he could use the money for savings, and since he loved his job and his colleagues it wasn't a problem to spend much time in the ambulance.

"I don't really think about it, honestly. I mean – I get what I... need... from Kurt, but it's cool to just get that and then go home. Then I don't have to think about someone waiting for me at home, unless I have something planned with you. It's quite a great deal, actually."

Blaine was curled up with his knees under his chin as he was leaning against the armrest of the couch. He rubbed his shoulder against the upholstery. His eyes were itching from being awake for so long and he knew that he should get his ass to bed, but he was so damn comfortable and his limbs would surely refuse to support him through the apartment.

"I've been thinking about that," Tina said quietly, her eyes flickering to the screen, avoiding to look Blaine in the eyes.

"About what?"

"About that thing with you and that Kurt guy. I think you should maybe re-think it," she suggested, clearly nervous about vocalizing her thoughts on the matter.

"What do you mean?" Blaine asked, now his full attention on his friend and his forehead in confused lines.

Tina closed her eyes and drew a heavy sigh before she sat up. She worried her lower lip between her teeth and finally looked back to him.

"I'm just really afraid of what this could lead to. He's married; he's in the closet. You'll get so hurt. It's always the same. They never leave their wives and he's our age – the chances of him coming out is zero to none," she blabbered out, sadness and concern filling her voice.

Blaine was stunned. He had no idea why she would even think something like that. He had actually thought that she had forgot about Kurt altogether. He had told her that he was having sex with Kurt every now and then, but they had never really talked about it, so he just guessed that she had pushed it out of her mind.

"Tina, what are you even saying? It's just sex. I'm just helping the guy get comfortable in his own skin," Blaine said awkwardly.

"Blaine... I know you – you always tell yourself that things will be cool, but then you suddenly find yourself in way too deep. I can't see you go through being '_the other man_' for him. That's not you. You've always been so strongly against cheating," she tried, a little harder this time.

"This is different. Kurt has completely lost his identity. He is caught in a marriage with someone he can't be intimate with – not because he doesn't want to, or because she doesn't want to; but because he is married to a she. I'm just trying to help him figure out his life and who he is," Blaine explained, best as he could.

"By having sex with him? That's a new form of therapy," Tina grunted.

"Tina, don't be a dick about this. I'm not asking you to understand or anything, I'm just asking you to accept that I wanna help this guy. Hopefully he will get himself together enough to be honest about who he is," Blaine said, starting to get annoyed. It wasn't fair of her to judge him on this. He was really just trying to help the guy.

"I'm gonna go to bed. I'm trashed and I have to sleep before I'll start scratching my eyes out," Blaine grunted and stood up.

He didn't wait for her to reply, just headed for the bathroom to brush his teeth. He was almost too tired to lift the purple toothbrush, but he forced through. After washing his face he went directly to his room where he let his clothes fall to the floor so he could crawl under the layers of comforter and blankets.

When his head hit the pillow he had been pretty damn sure that he would fall directly into a pitch black sleep without much thought for anything, but for some reason his eyes felt wide awake as he was hidden by the darkness filling his room.

He hadn't planned on Kurt sneaking into his thoughts. He had come to the conclusion that he enjoyed watching Kurt get dressed when they were done. The times Kurt had to hurry home or to work or something else and Blaine didn't have anything more important to do than chill back on the bed. He would rest his head back on his arms and watch as Kurt drifted around the room to pick up his belongings and pull his clothes back on.

The way his movements were soft and smooth, even after he had been thoroughly fucked. Even when he was tired and still a little edgy because he felt guilty Kurt managed to keep smooth features and delicate lines. Blaine liked observing him when he didn't close the door to the bathroom properly so Blaine could see him wash his face and hands.

It wasn't exactly what he had expected to be the kind of things he would be thinking of if Kurt entered his thoughts before going to bed. More something along the lines of their naked encounters of sweaty hands sliding over bodies, erect dicks pulsing with need and begging groans, pleading for more.


	7. A Little Less Sixteen Candles

**A/N: apparently my chapter title is too long, but the actual title is from the Fall Out Boy song "A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me", but it kept cutting off. So yeah, here it is.**

* * *

December was slowly passing. Kurt was spending more and more time with Blaine in their usual hotel. The days he had to meet in late for work he went there first, sometimes he went there during lunch breaks, other times he took off work early to meet Blaine there. Every time Kurt texted him Blaine rushed to the hotel, eager to get some of his urges run off.

The weekends, and rare afternoons off, Kurt overcompensated by picking the kids up from school, taking them ice skating or to the movies. He took the whole family to a Christmas market in Queens and at home he let the kids help him cook and bake. In the evenings he made a big deal out of snuggling up with Marley and telling her that he loved her.

It wasn't like he was lying to her. He really did love her.

His naked hours with Blaine were nothing but sex. They didn't even talk anymore. Nothing more than the usual "_Hi, how're you doing?_"

Kurt was very strict to keep it that way. He didn't want to risk Blaine getting the wrong idea, and he just needed an outlet for his homosexual urges. He still didn't want to think of himself as gay. He was well aware that it was, in fact, the only proper term to describe his sexuality, but whenever he thought about it a ball curled up in his stomach and he felt sick and guilty. As only alternative it was much easier to avoid definitions of any kind.

Blaine never complained. He showed up when Kurt asked him to, rarely saying that he couldn't make it. He always made sure to bring condoms and lube, easily gotten from work-relations. Often he had already stripped when Kurt arrived, and when they were done Kurt got dressed and Blaine was still lying on the bed; naked and lazy.

**xXx**

The date had reached December 22nd. The snow that had been falling over the past few days had turned sloppy and gray in the streets of New York. People were slowly showing signs of aggravation towards the forced Christmas mood in stores and on street corners in the form of green and red decorations, not to mention the heavy trend of Santa Clauses in such a big scale that it was almost impossible to turn 180 degrees with arms wide open without knocking down a few in the turn.

To say that Christmas eve growing closer didn't show would be a lie. The suicide attempts and domestic disturbances Blaine and his partner was called out for had almost doubled. Narcotic overdoses were also in high level and even a few cases of shooting and stabbing had been called in. Extreme sex games gone wrong were a classic around the holidays and alcohol poisoning as well.

Long story short; Blaine was constantly worn out. He desperately needed a day or two off.

It still didn't keep him from seeing Kurt, though. Lately he had been feeling funny whenever Kurt texted him. At first he thought that he was actually starting to feel guilty, but one day he had been to Sam and his wife's house for dinner where Anna Maria had talked about something she had been doing with Kurt's wife and he didn't really feel any different from it.

The feeling he got when he saw a text from Kurt was more of a rush. Probably the well-known rush from the aspect of "_doing something wrong_", which often was pinpointed as one of the reasons people found affairs so attractive, but he didn't really think of it as doing something wrong.

Now he was on his way down the hall to the room Kurt had checked into. He had said that it would be the last time before Christmas because he had a lot of things planned with the family. It bummed Blaine out. He had plans to fly home to see his family as well, and most of the days he would be working anyway, but he had gotten so used to seeing Kurt at least every second day that more than a week without seemed like a really long time. Of course he could always go out and hook up with someone, but the great thing about his thing with Kurt was that he didn't need to do that to get laid. They had been doing a bit sexting lately, so Blaine figured that if Kurt was going to spend a few days with the wife he would probably need it.

When he entered the room Kurt was in the bathroom, washing his face. It didn't take Blaine long to get rid of his parka-coat and scarf. He kicked off his shoes and pulled his Dalton Academy hoodie off and started working on his belt. He was already growing hard from the promise of what was about to happen, but he was tired in his entire body.

Kurt was quickly out of the bathroom, working his waist-coat and tie off. As usual he had his clothes folded neatly on the dresser and his shoes lined up perfectly by the wall. It always amused Blaine to see how proper Kurt did everything. No straight guy he had ever seen arranged his stuff like that.

"Alright, Mr. Straight-Man. I've been working since midnight so I am not gonna guarantee for the quality of this," Blaine declared as he pulled his t-shirt off and let it drop to the pile of clothes he had left on the chair in the corner of the room. He walked towards Kurt on heavy feet, scratching the back of his head a little as he enjoyed the feeling of finally being free off clothes.

"Let's see how it goes, then -" Kurt smirked and let his briefs join the rest of his outfit, also folded like they had been clean and ready for the drawer.

They went for the bed and Blaine let his hand go directly towards Kurt's crotch. He wasn't completely erect yet, but it wasn't going to take long for both of them to be rock hard. Kurt's hand was warm and strong as it worked Blaine as well. The adrenaline mixed with the fatigue drifting around Blaine's brain was an explosive cocktail and he quickly found himself moaning sorely from the work of Kurt's hand.

"Alright. Enough, enough," he mumbled between moans. He bucked his shoulder against Kurt's, making Kurt squeeze his hand a little tighter around Blaine's cock before letting go and turning to lie on his front. He bucked his ass upwards, wiggling a bit in invitation.

Blaine fumbled a little around before he found the lube he had dropped on the bed when he arrived. He warmed a bit up over his hands and leaned over Kurt's backside to push a finger directly into his entrance. He was warm and lax, easy to work, so it didn't take long for Blaine to press in a second finger.

"Oh... oh shit," Kurt grumbled into the pillow when Blaine let a third finger enter him.

To watch Kurt writhe under him, completely at his mercy, rutting against the bed and his thigh muscles flexed to the max made Blaine's balls feel strained and his head heavy. He couldn't stop looking at Kurt's naked back splayed out in front of him, pale and perfect with the muscles playing with his movements in the light of the lamp above their heads.

It was too much and Blaine's legs felt wobbly. He slipped his fingers out of Kurt and grabbed the condom waiting on the mattress next to him. He quickly had it rolled down and slicked his length up in a dripping amount of lube before he put a hand around Kurt's one cheek, clenching and opening.

With a hand around the root of his cock Blaine eased his cock into Kurt's hot body. The moment he was sure he was all in he leaned down to rest his hands on the mattress, supporting his body weight on his arms before he slowly started thrusting.

His knees were sliding over the sheet under him, and Kurt was arching his back, creating the perfect angle for Blaine to hit right, making both of them groan with low ranged need. Blaine watched as Kurt let his fingers dig into the bedspread as a drop of sweat rolled down his temple.

"Oh fuck. Fuck... yesss," Kurt moaned, clinging to the pillow under his chest.

Blaine pumped himself deeper and harder. His thighs started trembling from exhaustion, the muscles filling with acid, so he unlocked his elbows to fall down, chest clasping against Kurt's back. Kurt responded with surprised groan, spreading his legs further between Blaine's knees.

They had never done this angle before. Blaine had to support his weight on his forearms and rest his forehead against the back of Kurt's head. Somehow it seemed so intimate when their faces were so close together.

It made him dizzy. The scent of Kurt's shampoo snuck into his nostrils and samba'ed to his brain. The twirling warmth in his belly was back. Not the one that told him that he was about to come, (well, also that) but the one that had started to lurk up on him whenever Kurt texted him or whenever he saw Kurt. The feeling that was spreading through him when he couldn't stop thinking about Kurt before he fell asleep at night.

Kurt's skin was slippery with sweat. So was Blaine's. He was grumbling and groaning into the pillow, and his hole was clenching around Blaine's cock like it was his only source for life.

Fatigue started to take back over, and the drag of his stiff nipples over Kurt's smooth back was only a reminder of how intense the act suddenly had turned. Kurt's whimpers and moans were so close it felt like Kurt was inside his brain, and his hips were rolling slow and deep, soft movement of his pelvis against Kurt's firm cheeks.

For a moment Blaine wondered if he was about to pass out, his pulse feeling sky high. To keep himself going he moved his head, his chin resting on Kurt's shoulder with Kurt's ear rubbing over his sweat-slick face.

Suddenly Kurt let his one hand free of the pillow. He let it slide down their bodies and grasped around Blaine's hip, his fingers holding Blaine in position. What happened next wasn't intentional, though. It couldn't be. Blaine was cradling Kurt's entire body under his own, his arms almost holding around Kurt's torso as he kept his hard dick moving in and out of Kurt's ass. The next he knew Kurt's free hand was clasped around one of Blaine's and his head turned, his lips clasping against Blaine's cheek.

"Yesss. So good. You're so good... _Blaine,_" he breathed out sorely, a whimper under his breath.

The sound was maddening. It made Blaine's hair stand on ends and his nerves twirl. The following whines and whimpers made his abdomens flex and his ass tense. It only took him a few moments before his hips stuttered and he spilled deep in the condom buried inside of Kurt with a whine muffled against Kurt's shoulder.

He didn't wait for his head to stop spinning or for Kurt to get a chance for finishing. Blaine went directly to his knees so he could pull out. He tied a knot on the condom and rushed to the bathroom, Kurt complaining behind him, but he responded by shutting the door and locking it.

The condom made a squelching noise as it dropped to the bathroom tiles under his feet. It had slipped out of his hand. When he bent down to pick it up he realized that his hand was shaking. He knew that couldn't be a good sign.

Quickly, he let the condom find the trash bin and washed his hands. The reflection looking back at him in the mirror was nearly unrecognizable with purple rings and red spots in his eyes. He decided to get some cold water to his face as well, afraid that he wouldn't be able to keep himself conscious long enough to drive back home.

This was wrong. This wasn't how things were supposed to be. Kurt had never said his name during sex before and he had never said Kurt's. It wasn't as much as a deal they had made, more of a silent agreement. They never kissed, never touched intimately – it was practically a business deal. Stuff like this shouldn't happen. Their sex was hard and rough, fun even every now and then. But not intimate. This was crossing every line they had drawn.

With a deep breath, demanding himself to calm down he returned to the room. Kurt was on the bed looking like he was about to pass out. He had semen up his abdomens and his chest, obviously from having worked himself to release after Blaine left.

"Here. Use this as a Christmas present for your fucking wife," Blaine snapped as he grabbed the box of Kleenex from the dresser and threw it at Kurt, missing him by an inch.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Kurt asked shocked, pulling out a handful of tissues so he could start cleaning himself off.

"Whatever," Blaine grunted and started dragging on his underwear. He could barely stand without swaying and for a moment he considering calling Tina to ask if she could pick him up, but he decided that he wasn't going to listen to her comments about him smelling like sex.

"No. What is your problem?" Kurt snarled as he got to his feet.

He crossed the floor and started to get his own underwear on. He was watching Blaine closely, his eyes lightning and his lips pursed. It was the first time Blaine had seen his face that sharp.

"What I mean is; I am fucking sick of coming running here to you whenever you need a fuck," Blaine declared, zipping his jeans with a sharp sound.

He knew it was low below the belt. To drag Kurt's wife into it. There were just some things that were unacceptable, but right now he didn't care. He couldn't make sense of himself right now, so to be cautious about Kurt's feelings was the last thing on his mind.

"What? This was practically your idea!" Kurt scrapped as he started to shove his shirt down the hem of his slacks.

"My idea? When did I ever volunteer to be your sex toy because you're too scared to tell your wife that you like cock?" Blaine growled at him, voice raised and blood pulsing in his ears.

"Are you fucking kidding me? You're such a dick," Kurt shrieked, eyes wide with shock.

"Which is the only reason you keep telling me to come here. Because of my dick," Blaine yelled back.

"You know what; you're free of me. Fuck you!" Kurt screamed at him, grabbed his coat and left the room, the slamming of the door leaving a pounding echo in Blaine's ears.

He fell down to sit on the bed, trying to wrap his mind around what had actually just happened. He buried his face in his hand, rubbing it over before running his fingers through his hair.

"What the fuck am I even doing?" He mumbled to himself before he got to his feet and got his scarf and coat on before leaving the room.

When he walked down the hall he realized that he wasn't feeling how tired he was anymore. All he could feel was itching eyes and tired bones. At least he managed to stay awake on the way home, even though traffic was crazy.

His clothes ended on the bathroom floor as he went directly to shower when he entered the apartment. Tina was home, on the couch reading a book. When he tumbled through the living room area to get to the bathroom she raised her head and asked him something he didn't catch, but he didn't ask. All he could think about was washing the stench of Kurt off him.

He scrubbed his skin over and over again, rubbing the soap into every dent and curve of his body, scratching the loofah so hard he turned red and itchy. When he was finished he only had the energy to dry up casually before pulling on a fresh pair of underwear and a t-shirt.

"I'm gonna go to bed. I can't even see straight," Blaine grunted when he walked through the living room towards his room.

"Yeah, you've worked late right?" Tina asked, putting her book down and resting her chin on the back of the couch to watch him.

"Can we not? I just wanna sleep, alright?" He snapped, feeling bad for taking it out on Tina, but he wasn't ready to deal with anything at the moment.

"What is up with you? You look like you were hit by a car," she remarked and got to her knees to have a better look at her friend. She knew him too well.

"Just leave me alone," he sighed heavily and started walking towards the door that was half-open, only waiting to let him be consumed by his own sheets.

"Blaine, this isn't just your usual tired after a long shift. Did something happen?" Tina asked and got to her feet, quickly standing by his door, stopping him before he disappeared.

"It's nothing. I'm just exhausted. Go back to your book," he said, trying to hide his annoyance, but not quite succeeding in not rolling his eyes at her.

"Oh no. You had a fight with Kurt, didn't you?" She suddenly burst out, sounding like she had just discovered life-changing secret.

"I – what? No! Why would you even..."

"You've started to fall for him, haven't you? Oh Blaine, please don't do this to yourself," Tina whined and squeezed her hand around his wrist.

"You are... crazy. You've lost your marbles. Go read your book, and I'll go to bed, and I will see you later," Blaine said heavily and pushed past her to get to his room. When he closed the door she was still standing on the other side, looking after him, but he couldn't be bothered with that now.

The burgundy sheets were soft and smelled like his suds. He sank deeply into the thick surroundings of his comforter and pillow, letting it envelope and embrace him with a promise of a safe getaway from real life, even if it was just for a few hours.

But sleep didn't come right away the way he had planned it.

He twisted and turned, kicked the comforter off and pulled it back on, turned his pillow, shook it and folded it for better comfort, but nothing helped.

All he could think about was Kurt. The shock on his face when Blaine had attacked him, the lightning in his eyes and the – was it hurt flickering through him?

No. This wouldn't do. He couldn't allow this to suck him in.

It was settled. He wasn't going to meet up with Kurt anymore. He wasn't going to answer anymore of his texts or contact him himself. It was over. He couldn't let him creep under his skin and manipulate his mind and turn him into a pathetic puddle of feelings he did not need or want. He was going to get back to concentrating on work and hanging out with his friends. That shouldn't be a problem.

Because, of course, he didn't have any feelings for Kurt.


	8. Things We Said Before

To be back in Lima with the kids was always a fun thing to do. Kurt loved taking them out to show them where he grew up, the house he had grown up in, the schools he went to and the places he went with his friends. He took them ice skating on the rink in the park followed by hot chocolate at The Lima Bean. In the evening he and Marley curled up together on the couch while Marley's mom read Christmas stories to the kids.

It was relaxing to be off work and out of town. He and Marley spent over an hour in the bed in the morning, chatting about random stuff and laughing at each other's work-stories. It felt like things were almost back to normal, and Kurt was happy to feel that.

Almost.

Whenever he had a moment alone the familiar feeling hit like a train. It curled up his spine, rolled around his stomach, made his temples throb. When he was in the shower or changing his clothes he remembered the feeling of Blaine watching him while he undressed or got dressed in the hotel room. When Marley's hands slid around his body he remembered the feeling of Blaine's hands and body against his own heated skin.

Christmas dinner was a blast. Kurt did his best to push all dark thoughts away, but he caught himself checking his phone for messages more than once. The kids ate way too much candy and once the kids were in bed the grown-ups had a little too much wine. Christmas morning they were woken up by Milo crawling into their bed to snuggle up between them while Lily was in the kitchen making breakfast with her grandma.

The rest of their days in Lima were packed with soft sweaters, hot tea and reading by the fireplace. Kurt helped Lily practice her dancing and read books to Milo. They watched Christmas movies and went to the mall for shopping. Everything was about family.

Early on the 27th they returned to Queens. Marley had to get back to the flower shop and Kurt had a few things he needed to do for work. He worked at home and took advantage of the hours alone with the kids. On the 29th Lily's dance troupe had a show and the entire family went to see her. She was perfect and Kurt was prouder than ever of his little girl who didn't miss a step.

However, the darkness came crawling faster and deeper with every day that passed. He felt alone. Even though he had spent long days with his family he still felt lonely. No one knew his secret, no one who knew who he actually was deep down inside. There was no one he could open up to, no one he could talk to freely. He was self-conscious whenever he looked around himself when men were around; even the Hugo Boss spot on TV made his eyes flicker nervously around the room and his hand feel clammy in Marley's.

He was lost.

In the middle of the night before the 30th he woke up with a banging headache and a gnawing feeling in his chest. He didn't even notice what he was doing until he was sitting on the toilet with his phone in hand, staring at Blaine's number; ready to call him.

Like he had been burned he threw the phone on the counter and clasped his hand against his mouth. A sob was muffled by his palm and he broke down. He couldn't believe that he had done that while still being half-asleep. His first unconscious response to feeling hopeless and miserable was to call this man he had only know for such a short time – a man he had cheated on his wife with.

He didn't want to see Blaine again. Not after what he did. But the awful thing was that he needed him. Because Blaine was the only person who really knew him.

_I can't. This needs to stop. I can't do this anymore._

Thoughts were roaming around Kurt's head as he rocked back and forth on the toilet, his arms locked around his paining midsection. It felt like every organ inside of him was throbbing to the rhythm of his sobs, and his eyes burning from the salty tears streaming down his cheeks.

He cried until his throat was sore. Until his muscles were hurting and felt like jello. He cried until he was swaying on the toilet, his forehead rested against the tiles and his eyes drifting. It was almost too late when he forced himself to get back up and return to the bedroom before he fell asleep. He carefully curled back up under the covers, hoping Marley hadn't noticed he was missing. He turned his back on her, hoping to block her out. He didn't deserve to lie in the bed with her.

**xXx**

Blaine had to admit that he was a tiny bit anxious when he parked his car. He hurried to lock up and took hasty steps towards the grand double doors to the hotel. He didn't even bother to ask in the reception; he knew where he was going and headed directly for the elevator instead.

When Kurt had called him an hour earlier he had been such a mess that Blaine nearly couldn't understand a word he was saying. He was crying, sobbing hysterically and Blaine had to talk him down to avoid him screwing up his oxygen intake. In the end Blaine told him to go to the hotel and promised to come as quickly as possible. It hadn't taken more than half an hour until he had received a text with the number of the room.

To be honest he had been a bit pissed with himself. He had promised himself to not see Kurt again. To ignore potential texts or calls, because he knew that Kurt was messing with his heart... _head!_ Kurt was messing with his head.

But he had sounded heartbroken. His voice had been shaking and strangled. Blaine could practically visualize how much of a chaos he had been as he had called him up, crying about how close he was to giving up on everything and how he couldn't even recognize himself anymore. He was crying about his life falling apart and his sanity leaving him. About pain and guilt.

He couldn't just let him deal with that by himself.

So now Blaine was biting his lower lip, cussing at himself for being back where he had sworn he would never return. He knocked the door to the room, the well-known red door with the brass number and handle. Just like every other door he had entered lately, knowing it would only be minutes before he would be naked and sweating with his body slick against Kurt's.

He didn't want to admit it. Not to himself, not to Tina – especially not to Kurt – but he had been thinking about him. Thinking about Kurt. A suction in his stomach every time he crossed his mind. He had twisted and turned over and over again in his bed at night, recalling the scent of Kurt's shampoo and the warmth of Kurt's skin. He had caught his thoughts running to his phone with a thought to contact Kurt, before snapping himself out of it again.

He had been missing the closeness. But he had hated how much he missed it.

There wasn't any answer. He knew that Kurt was on the other side of the door, but he didn't respond when Blaine knocked the door. Once. Twice. Three times. Blaine got worried. He recalled the urgency in Kurt's voice when he called him, said that he was close to giving up. So he grabbed the handlebar and opened the door, heart pounding as he entered the room.

_Please don't let him have done anything stupid. Please don't let him have anything stupid,_ he pleaded in his head as he got completely inside the room. If anything had happened to Kurt he couldn't even imagine what he would do.

However, when he found his way properly into the room what he saw was nothing close to what he had expected. On the soft hotel bed Kurt lay curled up with his phone on the pillow next to him and his body moving softly with his breathing. When Blaine came closer he could see that streaks of tears had dried down his face that was painted in an agonized expression.

Even though he knew that he should back out and walk away something inside of him made him stay. He stood in the middle of the floor and watched Kurt sleep, listened to the silent snore streaming from him and the low purr of his breathing. Before he knew it he had grabbed the blanket on the chair in the corner and draped it over Kurt. He kicked off his shoes and laid down on the bed next to him.

It only lasted a second before Kurt turned around and curled his arms around Blaine in his sleep. He nuzzled his nose into his chest and was resting his head on Blaine's shoulder. At first Blaine was surprised. He didn't know what to do about himself, but after a moment he allowed his arms to wrap around Kurt, feeling his muscles relax and hearing his breathing turn calm.

**xXx**

The bed was soft and warm, a comforting pocket filled with safety provided by the arms holding around his waist and the lips lightly touching the skin of his neck. He realized that he was holding his own arm around a strong ribcage and his face was buried in a pillow of soft curls tickling his mouth and nose.

There was no mistaking, the scent that filled Kurt's nostrils and swam out to take over his brain and body definitely belonged to Blaine. The strong biceps resting on Kurt's ribs was protective, and the lean fingers slightly peeking under his t-shirt felt tender on his heated skin.

It took him a moment to properly get back to reality, shake off the haze from his nap. He knew that he should push Blaine away, but he didn't. The feeling of being wrapped in his strong arms was way to good. He felt relaxed and for the first time in months he felt like he had actually slept and not taken a disturbed nap.

However, the ball of shame and guilt in his throat hadn't left. His eyes were still itching from crying and he had a feeling that it could overwhelm him once again whenever he would let his guard down the tiniest bit. He subconsciously strengthened his grip around Blaine a little tighter, allowing his face to disappear in the dark locks.

In his arms Blaine stirred a little. His lips pressed a little closer to Kurt's neck, wet and gentle. His fingers brushed lightly over the skin on Kurt's back, and he gave a little moan as he pressed his body closer to Kurt's. He lifted his head and started kissing over Kurt's chin, letting his mouth find its way to Kurt's lips, massaging their mouths against each other with a lazy daze filling the atmosphere.

Despite the thick feeling taking up his mouth, Kurt let his lips drift apart and allowed Blaine's tongue in to slide over Kurt's with silky movements, while his hands were caressing tenderly around Kurt's back. The intimacy was heavy, so intense Kurt could feel his tears fills his throat and struggle to run free.

"I'm so sorry about what I said. It was too low, and I really didn't mean it," Blaine whispered against Kurt's lips, resting their foreheads together.

Blaine was caressing his fingertips sweetly over Kurt's cheek, making sparks run through Kurt's skin, sinking through to his nerves and muscles. The feeling made Kurt's brain twirl and blood well up in his face. He wanted to press his mouth back against Blaine's, showing that he needed more. More closeness, more intimacy, more intensity of Blaine's skin against his own.

"I'm sorry too. I – I haven't been all too nice to you," Kurt said, his voice rasp and his eyes groggy.

"No, no. It's fine. I know that you don't... see me as a sex-toy. You need me, and I understand that. I don't want you to be alone with this," Blaine assured him, his breath ghosting over Kurt's lips.

"Good. Because I don't. I really like you, Blaine. I could never tell you how much I appreciate everything you've done for me. I don't even want to think about what would've been of me if you hadn't been there for me," Kurt rushed to say.

They both fell silent. Kurt knew that it was true; if Blaine hadn't been there for him when he slowly started to realize that he couldn't deny himself anymore he would surely have gone completely crazy. He would have lost and probably have ended up tearing his entire family apart.

"So... how are you feeling now? What happened?" Blaine asked.

To Kurt's surprise Blaine eased his fingers in between Kurt's, fitting perfectly as they entwined between their chests. He smiled and Kurt couldn't help smiling back.

"I don't really know. It was all because... Marley's at work, and I had to drop the kids off at my parents, so I was alone and... fuck. I've been such a mess over the past week. I felt so alone with all of this chaos inside of me, and I didn't have you to talk to anymore. Suddenly it just tumbled down over my head," Kurt told, the tingling sensation of frustration and panic echoing in the back of his mind.

"I'm sorry. But... I promised you to not go anywhere. And I won't. I won't leave you alone. You scared me when you called," Blaine said and ran his fingers through Kurt's hair, hiding the dryness in his voice with a hollow chuckle.

"Thank you. I didn't know it would be so hard," Kurt groaned and rolled his eyes at himself.

"To be without me?" Blaine teased, sporting a crooked smile.

"I uhm – I missed you," Kurt mumbled, almost wishing he could have erased the words before they reached Blaine's ears. He wasn't supposed to say stuff like that. That was against the rules of their relationships.

"I missed you, too. It was weird. I don't really... it sucks. Kurt, I promised myself not to – like you. I was just going to help you, and for me to get laid in the process was just a bonus. I never meant to actually be able to... like you. But apparently I couldn't help it, and I shouldn't even be telling you this, because you're married, and we are both in way too deep already, but... I owe it to you to at least be honest," Blaine sighed and fell to lie on his back.

He was staring into the ceiling, then closed his eyes. He drew a heavy breath and hid his face in his hands. Kurt stared at him in wonder, mouth ajar and eyes huge. He couldn't quite wrap his mind around the words Blaine had just said. He had been so certain that Blaine had grown angry at him and didn't want to see him again. And it had killed him.

"Blaine... I sort of – I like you, too. I really, really like you. Not being able to text you or call you was terrible. I was at my daughter's dance recital and I still kept checking my phone, hoping you would have contacted me in some way. I missed you. I missed this... not just – not just the sex, but also this; us talking and you letting me be open and honest about myself," Kurt admitted, not only to Blaine, but also to himself.

Blaine's hands drifted from his face. He looked at Kurt with a suspicious expression on his face. He narrowed his eyes for a moment, searching Kurt's blue orbs before his features softened and his mouth drifted into a smile. He put his arms around Kurt and pulled him close for a kiss.

Blaine backed away, watching Kurt be breathless and scared of what he had just done; what he was in the middle of doing. With one index finger Blaine carefully brushed Kurt's bangs away from his eyes, seeing the electric blue much clearer now.

"You're really beautiful," he whispered.

Kurt's insides took a turn. He felt his entire face burst into flames and his entire body felt like it was trembling even though he knew that he was lying perfectly still on top of Blaine's body.

He had very often been called handsome. That was one of the things people always had told him or his parents; "_Kurt is a handsome boy"_. He had been told that he was good-looking, had a good body and a clean face. But never had anyone told him he was beautiful. He didn't know anyone could consider a man to be beautiful.

"Don't be shy. I really mean it. I've thought so all along," Blaine said, rolling his fingertips up and down Kurt's back, starting a landslide of chills running around his body.

For the first time in months Kurt actually felt happy.


	9. New Year's Sneak

**A/N:**_I am so, so, so infinitely sorry for keeping you waiting for so long. My computer broke down, and then I had an audition (I didn't get the part, no), and then I had to move out of my dad's house, so yeah, there has been so much chaos. But I will promise I am doing my best to keep everything together. I hope I haven't lost anyone in the wait. Thank you for waiting, though!_

* * *

When Kurt returned home in the evening he was in a very good mood. He cooked for Marley and cleaned the kitchen afterward. Then he snuggled up with her on the to watch one of her favorite shows that he didn't care much for. It didn't matter; he felt good.

They cuddled up in bed and chatted about the party they were going to the next evening. Kurt had forgot all about it, but figured that he could pull through. Almost all of his friends would be there and he would surely have a good time. And after all, if the party turned out to be boring he could just text Blaine.

The following day went fine. Kurt found that he had slept exceptionally good and actually felt relaxed for a change. The morning was hazy and the afternoon as well. They went to brunch at his dad and Carole's house, spending a few hours with them and the kids. Finn and his family were there too, all of the kids playing with their Christmas presents.

After they left his dad's house they immediately got to prepare themselves for the upcoming party. They showered together, nothing sexual, simply being close and enjoying their time without the kids. Then they dressed up and got in the car so they could be early for the party.

It wasn't until they had arrived at Sam and Anna Maria's house early before dinner that it dawned on Kurt. Only a small selection of people were there for the dinner before the actual party. The living room was buzzing with couples chatting, so Kurt and Marley took a ground to greet everyone.

However, they hadn't been the last guests to arrive. After a few minutes the last dinner guest showed up, covered in snow and a wide smile. Needless to say; Blaine looked stunning.

Seeing Blaine across the room made Kurt's stomach coil up with heat as his face felt warm. He had to look away, afraid that he was staring too obviously, so he busied himself by squeezing Marley's hand and listened to her discuss jewelery with Finn and Sam's wives.

"Hi. I believe we met at the wedding," a soft, extremely well-known voice said. Kurt shivered, getting his attention back to reality, finding Blaine acting the role as stranger to aces. He was holding his hand out for Kurt and Marley, giving the perfect impression that he and Kurt had in fact only ever met each other at Sam's bachelor party and wedding.

"Yes. I remember. Blaine, right?" Marley beamed and offered him a hug instead of a simple handshake.

The sight had Kurt's heart pounding, and he couldn't quite figure out whether it was because he was seeing his wife hug his gay lover, or if it was simply because he was seeing Blaine. Either way the pounding only enhanced when he had to shake hands with Blaine and play along.

The feeling of Blaine's hand in his was like electricity. It took him back to the day before where they had been lying in the hotel bed, for once wearing clothes but their hands locked together. They had been staring into each other's eyes and talked about this damn situation Kurt had gotten himself into. It reminded him of how Blaine's voice sounded when he laughed quietly as they had been lying close, and the way Blaine had smelled when he wrapped his arms around Kurt's waist to pull him close.

"Yeah. Blaine. I'm not sure I quite remember yours, though. It's been a while and there were a lot of people," Blaine excused politely, addressing Marley rather than Kurt.

Damn he was good at this game. And so proper in his tone and appearance. Kurt was seeing him in a completely different way than the sweaty, horny lover-of-sex he had gotten to know over the past few months. Apparently Blaine was more than that, and not just a well-cut paramedic either. No, it showed now that Blaine was a decent guy, with good manners and a fine way of behaving in social relations.

Kurt's throat tied up. It was too much. Blaine was just all that.

For a good ten minutes Blaine kept up small-talk with Marley. He asked about her flower shop and she asked about his work as a paramedic. Kurt was in awe about how easily it felt to Blaine to keep up the facade, so he figured that his own best next step would be to find other people to talk to so he wouldn't be the one to mess it all up.

Throughout the evening Kurt and Blaine didn't speak. They didn't ignore each other either. It simply came natural to not be in the same conversations. At dinner they sat at each end of the table and afterward when the rest of the party guests started arriving the mingling began and they mostly sent each other quick glances across the room, but were fast to break it off to not be caught.

Naturally the wedding and the honeymoon were hot topics among the guests. Everyone wanted to know how their trip had gone and Puck was eager to hear how the motorcycles he had provided had taken the long trip.

Kurt couldn't help noticing how Blaine was genuinely interested when the other guys started talking mechanics. Kurt himself knew quite a lot about mechanics after having worked in his dad's tire shop for as long as he could remember, but he had never actually held much deeper interest in it. He smiled to himself, listening to Blaine talk about motors and carburetors, knowing what he was talking about and doing it with passion. Apparently there was more about Blaine than what he knew.

Later more guests showed up and others left for new parties. It was hard to keep up with all the faces of people Kurt had no relation to, so he stuck to those he did know.

People talked about new years resolutions and Kurt felt a little ill. Puck was starting to say that he felt like it was about time to find someone he could settle down with. Even Puck was considering converting to a monogamist.

There wasn't any lack of beer or any other alcoholic beverages. Kurt had found a quiet place on a stool, turning the bottle of wine cooler in his hand when his phone buzzed.

**Blaine:** "If you want people to think you're straight you should probably switch to more masculine drinks (:"

**Kurt:** "Wait, so wine coolers won't make my chest hairy and my voice sound like The Incredible Hulk?"

**Blaine:** "Honey, I think you'll need a little more than alcohol for that…"

Honey. Blaine had called him honey.

It was ridiculous. That shouldn't mean anything. And of course it didn't. Still, Kurt couldn't ignore the feeling of giddiness run through him. He looked at the word for almost a minute, holding back a small giggle.

**Kurt:** "And here I thought I always turned into Macho Of The Year whenever I got drunk."

**Blaine:** "You turn into so much more than that, though."

Kurt caught Blaine's eyes across the room. It was hard to tell through the many people, but he could have sworn that Blaine winked at him as he smiled and then turned away.

These butterflies were not supposed to be there, and he was not supposed to welcome them so openly.

Blaine's Asian friend had turned up as well. This time she was with a guy who was also Asian. It seemed like Blaine and the guy got along really well. However, it was more than a few times Kurt caught the woman staring at him. It felt a little uncomfortable but Kurt did his best to shake it off.

Instead Kurt engaged himself in a conversation with Sam and Artie about Sam's upcoming comic book. Every now and then he just couldn't keep himself from sending peeks at the dance floor where Blaine and the Asian guy were dancing - Blaine really knew how to move his body, even with clothes on.

It was easy to lose track of time. Everyone were having fun and as always at Sam's parties no problems came. That's how it came as a surprise to Kurt when Anna Maria declared that it was almost midnight.

Kurt was in the middle of a conversation with Artie and his wife. She had just been telling him about the matching tattoos they had considered getting and Kurt had mentally praised that it wasn't exactly something Marley would ever be interested in.

"Hey babe. Are you ready?" Marley asked, a wee bit tipsy when she let her hand into Kurt's. she rested her head on his shoulder, grinning broadly at Artie and Sugar, but before they could involve her in the conversation everyone were herded towards the garden.

The countdown started, everyone eagerly participating. The cold winter wind was brisk against Kurt's face, but Marley's hand was warm in his. It wasn't any surprise that when the clock struck 12 she was excitedly jumping into Kurt's arms, pressing her mouth onto his.

What he wasn't prepared for was that right before the clock went home his eyes met Blaine's across the sea of people. He was standing with his friends and first he seemed happy to have found Kurt eyes, but then quickly sad. That's when Kurt felt guilty - guilty that he was holding Marley's hand in front of Blaine, and guilty that he was holding Marley's hand while a part of him wished that he was holding Blaine's instead.

When Marley's lips met Kurt's he didn't tear his eyes away from Blaine's . Everything was a chaos of cheers and kissing couples around them. Fireworks were exploding above their heads and there was no way anyone would notice the way Kurt was doing his best to send Blaine apologies through his eyes while he was kissing his wife.

But Blaine's eyes were still sad. He put on a brave smile, nodding gently at Kurt before he turned his back to hug his friends with enthusiasm appropriate for the moment. Kurt wanted to dig a hole and hide.

The party slowly started drifting back inside. The warmth of the house was overwhelming when they returned. People went immediately back to dancing and the party was back to how it had been left behind minutes earlier.

Kurt needed a drink. Something stronger than wine coolers. He quickly got himself a beer and resumed to hold Marley's hand in silence while she talked to the other guests. Right now Kurt wasn't much in the mood for talking.

"Sweetheart, excuse me for a moment I have to use the bathroom," Kurt smiled vaguely and kissed Marley's cheek after having been quiet in half an hour. She smiled back at him and he disappeared through the house.

The main bathroom was occupied so he headed down the hall to find the small one by the laundry room. Luckily it was free and Kurt got to do his thing without other troubles than his swaying from alcohol and the thick feeling at the back of his throat.

"I was sort of hoping I'd find you here," a voice said behind him when Kurt exited the bathroom. He nearly jumped from the startle, but when he realized who it was he turned calmly around with a smile and butterflies in his stomach.

"Hey. Shouldn't you be in there going crazy with the other freaks?" He asked, trying to be as casual as possible about it, which was much easier said than done.

"I guess I should… but lately it seems like what I _should_ be doing and what I _am_ doing are two completely different things," Blaine shrugged.

"I know how that feels like," Kurt huffed out, feeling the comment hit uncomfortably straight home.

"I wanna show you something. Come 'ere," Blaine said and nodded in the direction of the laundry room before he walked inside.

For a moment Kurt debated whether it would be a good idea, but when he considered that the party was in the other end of the house and Blaine was looking at him with a burning longing he sighed deeply and followed.

Blaine closed the door after them as soon as Kurt was inside. At first Kurt was a little confused, but when Blaine's hand slipped around his waist and his lips were pressed against Kurt's it was like the world melted around them.

"Happy new year," Blaine smiled, bushing a thumb over Kurt's cheek as he moved a little away. His brown eyes were piercing into Kurt's, big and soft. A vague smile was simmering on his lips and his breath tasted like beer and Blaine.

"Happy new year," Kurt peeped out carefully.

His insides were trembling and his lips were tingling to be pressed back against Blaine's. his hands were awkward next to his sides, not knowing what he should do about them.

"I wanted to kiss you. Instead of Marley," Kurt heard himself say, surprised that he wasn't even embarrassed about it. It was the truth and if there was anyone in the world he could tell the truth it was Blaine.

"I wanted you to kiss me, too. I wanted to be dramatic and grab your hand to steal you away from everyone, save you from lurking eyes," Blaine chuckled.

His one hand was cupping Kurt's face and his lips were brushing softly over Kurt's. His other hand was still safely placed on the lower of Kurt's back, stolen way under his blazer so the print of his palm could burn its way through the soft cotton of Kurt's shirt.

"How classic movie hero of you," Kurt whispered under his breath, struggling to not let his tongue out to seek directly for Blaine's.

"In my head it was all black and white," Blaine whispered back.

With that Kurt let his hands slide up Blaine's back, pressing his palms on his shoulder blades, needing Blaine closer with every fiber in his body. Their faces tumbled together in a kiss stronger than the former. This one was poisoned with urgency and craving, the need mirrored in the way their hands were clinging to the others body, and the soft swipe of their tongues caressing each other.

"We should get back in. Before your wife start looking for you," Blaine said as their mouths broke apart for air. He sounded pained. Like the very thought of parting from Kurt was troubling him deeply.

"I just had to properly wish you a happy new year," he said, sounding almost apologetic.

"I'm glad you did," Kurt smiled and ran his hand down Blaine's back, hoping to show him that he would much rather stay to make out with him than go out and be with all of those other people.

"And I wanted to tell you that you look really beautiful tonight," Blaine smiled and pressed a peck to Kurt's lips before letting go of him and head for the door, but not opening it.

Kurt was frozen in the spot. He couldn't believe that Blaine had told him that he looked beautiful. Twice. He felt like the girl in a romantic comedy, finally getting the boy she's been crazy about for years.

"Thank you. I -"

He was speechless. Lost for words.

"I'll text you in the morning, alright. Now go back to being Mr. Straight-man," Blaine said heavily and opened the door, holding it for Kurt to exit first.

Kurt walked down the hall, cheeks flaming and head spinning. He could feel Blaine looking after him, but he also knew that Blaine was waiting to not make it seem too obvious to people that they had been alone.

For the rest of the night Blaine resumed to acting like nothing had happened and that they didn't know each other. There were no stolen eye contact or, and Kurt did check, any text messages on his phone.

No, Kurt had to go back to being the straight man hanging out with his straight friends, and in the end he had to take the hand of his wife and go home to sleep next to her, instead of next to that man who was slowly taking up more and more space inside of him.


End file.
